


Unbreakable

by happy29



Category: due South
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2017-12-23 22:44:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 80,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy29/pseuds/happy29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been a year since Jimmy Akers invaded Fraser and Kowalski's lives and new relationship. With a mix up in the system and a new assignment for Ray, their lives are thrown into turmoil once again.</p><p>A sequel to 'Hesitate'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vacation Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a sequel to my previous story 'Hesitate'. A huge thank you to Butterfly ghost for your endless support, encouragement and the kick in the head when I need it. You are awesome! Also thanks to Fluffybutts Cat for your contribution and enthusiasm. Feedback is always welcome and I hope you enjoy the new journey...

Massive cumulus clouds dotted the sapphire sky. A gentle breeze took a touch of the heat out of the summer air. Ray Kowalski scanned the horizon one last time while staring over the top of his coffee cup, relaxing on the porch of the cabin owned by his partner. Well, he guessed after all this time, it was his cabin as well. At least that’s what Fraser kept telling him. _Fraser_ … the man he had fallen in love with while trying not to drown on a ghost ship.

Ray thought back to his first meeting with Fraser. He laughed at the memory of how nervous he was before he met Fraser for the first time. He had been so worried about how weird it was going to be, working with a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted police, in Chicago of all places. But then Benton Fraser, RCMP, walked in through the double swinging doors of the 2-7, duffle slung over his shoulder, wolf on his heels, dressed in his bright red serge and Ray knew his life had just taken a dramatic turn. It would forever be different. He had partners before, but none of them were anything like Fraser. Not one of them risked his life on a regular basis, not one of them did he fall in love with, not one of them trusted him like Fraser did.

Some days Ray still found it hard to believe that not only had he fallen in love with Fraser, but Fraser... _Ben_ had fallen in love with him. Unconditionally. He smiled, still amazed at his good luck, and returned to watching the scenery, thinking of his lover.

It took a lot of convincing, but Ray finally managed to talk Fraser into a small vacation up north at the cabin, _their cabin_. The Ice Queen was less than thrilled to approve the time off. But, after the last year and everything that had happened with Jimmy Akers and what he had put both Ray and Fraser through, she wasn’t about to risk denying Fraser the time off. Kowalski had her number and she knew it. He just had to make sure that his relationship with Fraser didn’t interfere with the Mountie’s duties to Canada or the _Ice Queen_. 

“Penny for your thoughts,” came the husky voice from behind him.

“You got a penny, Frase?” Ray could feel the warmth coming off the Mountie.

“Of course. I picked one up off the floor in the diner yesterday.” Fraser’s lips turned up into a crooked smile. He breathed in the aroma of the fresh outdoors mixed with Ray’s sugar laced coffee. It was good to be away from the smoke and smog of the city. The dirty trash smell that occupied every alley they chased criminals down was thousands of miles away and Fraser couldn’t be happier.

“Oh yeah?” Ray’s own husky voice broke through, bringing Fraser back to the present. “Why would you want to pick one up? Sounds kind of _gross_ to me, picking up spare change off the floor of a diner. Any good reason behind that us _Americans_ should know about?” Ray’s voice held a teasing tone.

“Well you see... some incredibly good looking blond guy…”

Ray cut his partner off mid-sentence. “Incredibly good looking, huh? Do I know him?” He placed his coffee mug on the porch and turned in his Adirondack chair to face Ben, his own smirk lingering on his lips, curiosity filling his voice, eagerness brightening his eyes.

Fraser shook his head and forced an upside down grin to appear. “I don’t believe so, no… however, this good looking blond told me once, if you pick up a penny… it will bring you good luck.”

“So, you think you’re going to get lucky, huh?” Ray picked up his mug casually and turned back in his chair to face the horizon before him, fighting hard to suppress the growing smile behind his coffee mug. “Seems kind of corny to me.” He took a long swallow of coffee and could sense Fraser moving in closer behind him.

“Oh I don’t think, Ray… _I know_.” Fraser draped his arms over his partner’s shoulders and whispered smugly into his ear. “And as for corny, well, let’s just say the blond guy was right because the first time I picked up a penny… well, I think you know what happened that night. I would hardly call _that_ experience corny.” Placing a sensual kiss behind Ray’s right ear, then his left, Fraser tightened his grip around his lover’s chest, his hands working their way towards his partner’s taut stomach, stopping at his navel to explore the slight dip under the soft shirt. His strong fingers danced around the button to Ray’s jeans and hesitated for a brief moment before popping the button loose.

Ray’s breathing quickened, his grip tightening on his coffee mug. He turned his face to steal a kiss when the strong hands quickly released him and the intense heat behind him was suddenly gone. Fraser dropped himself into the matching Adirondack chair beside Ray, his blue eyes darkened with arousal.

“But if you think it’s all _corny_ … we can sit here and watch the clouds form instead. They are quite impressive today. Don’t you think?” Fraser set his gaze straight ahead, daring not to meet his partner’s intense stare boring into the side of his head. He heard the shuffling of arms and legs as Kowalski attempted to dislodge himself from his own chair and within seconds, his view of the horizon was obscured with that of a tall, slender blond guy with experimental hair.

“Ray, you’re blocking my view of the clouds and the landscape.” Fraser stretched his arms out and attempted to push Ray’s lean frame to the side.

“Screw the clouds and screw the landscape.” Ray slid a slim leg over Fraser’s thighs and settled onto his lap. He placed both arms over his partner’s broad shoulders and leaned in for a kiss. Fraser’s lips were on his before he closed half the distance between them. “How much time we got before we’re supposed to fly out?” he asked between fierce kisses.

Fraser didn’t bother looking at his watch. “As much time as we need. We don’t fly out until tomorrow. I took the liberty of changing our flight. I had a hunch…”

“I like your hunches. Good thing you listened to that blond guy.” Ray twisted his fingers around the back of Fraser’s neck and pulled him closer. His timbre dropping slightly, he asked his partner, “You want to get lucky out here…” Ray dropped a kiss to Fraser’s lips and caught the escaping pink tongue between his own lips as it was sneaking out. “Or you want to take this indoors?” Sliding down Fraser’s lap, he could feel his partner’s arousal meeting his own.

“I think we just started out here. I am very much in favor of the view before me.” Running his hands down his partner’s chest, Fraser could feel the outline of toned muscles hiding under the cotton fabric of Ray’s t-shirt. Ray may be slender, but he could easily hold his own with someone that out-massed him.

“Freak…”

The playful twinkle in Ray’s eyes was all it took for Fraser to lose himself. In one swift motion, he picked up his partner, Ray’s legs falling off his lap, his bare feet hitting the freshly water-proofed porch, their lips pressed firmly together. Kissing Ray ravenously, Fraser pushed him backwards towards the open cabin door. Ray took charge and spun their positions, grinding their hips together. Too much momentum, sent them into the doorjamb, jarring Fraser’s left shoulder. Ben grunted in pain and suppressed a curse, momentarily letting go of Ray to rub away the discomfort.

“Oh God, Ben, I’m sorry.” Ray stepped forward and gently rubbed the abused shoulder.

“I’m okay,” Fraser tried to reassure his lover. “Just caught me by surprise.”

Ray pulled his partner close and pulled on the hem of Ben’s shirt, lifting it over his head. He leaned forward and placed butterfly kisses across Fraser’s left collarbone and out towards his shoulder and down to the faint scar standing out against his tan skin. Ben held his breath for a brief moment when Ray’s lips brushed across the scar. Memories came flooding to the surface and Ben closed his eyes tightly against the onslaught of images. A new home, a car wreck, losing his memory, and _Jimmy Akers._

“Breathe, Ben…” Ray whispered into his ear. “I’ve got you.”

When he opened his eyes again, he was safe. Safe in the arms of the person he loved most.

Nimble fingers moved to the zipper of Ray’s jeans as slender fingers danced in Ben’s hair and across his face. Ray pressed him against the doorjamb and covered Ben’s solid body with his own, trying to become one with his partner. He moved him to the side, their bodies still joined at the hips and backed them into the cabin, kicking the door shut. In the quiet of the cabin, the two men explored each other’s bodies and gave into their longing for each other.

~*~

The gentle dip in the mattress woke Fraser from his sex-induced slumber. Ray was pressed firmly up against his back, one arm wrapped around his left side, fingers rubbing circular patterns on his chest. He could feel the steady heartbeat paired with the simultaneous breaths of his lover against his back and at the base of his neck. He leaned into the embrace and sighed. There was no better to wake up, than wrapped in the arms of Ray Kowalski.

“Ben,” came the quiet voice from behind. Ray found his hand and laced their fingers together. Fraser automatically pulled their joined hands towards his own beating heart. “You awake?” Ray’s voice held a slight tremor. He was thankful for the ceiling fan he talked Fraser into letting him install above their bed earlier in the week. It displaced the warm air in the room and showered the couple with coolness. The quiet hum of the fan helped take away some of the edginess he had been experiencing.

“Not quite,” he murmured, still half asleep. “I could use some persuading.” He began to move their joined hands lower under the sheets, but Ray resisted temptation and moved their hands back over Fraser’s heart.

“Ray?” Fraser questioned as he turned in the embrace and faced his partner. He hooked a leg over Ray’s and wound their feet together. “What’s wrong?”

Ray couldn’t ever tell where his leg ended and Fraser’s began when they were entwined in such a way. He felt completely connected to Fraser in moments like this. Closing his eyes and letting out a long sigh, Ray finally worked up the courage to speak. “I have a bit of a confession to make.” When he opened his eyes, confused blue eyes were staring back at him. “This whole trip…”

“Was an excellent idea, Ray. We needed a break from the city.” Fraser ran his fingers over Ray’s dry lips and kissed some moisture into them.

Ray pulled back and licked his lips, savoring Fraser’s taste. He shook his head and closed his eyes again, burying his head into his pillow. “I’m such a heel. I should have told you before we came up here, but I didn’t want it to spoil the trip.”

Fraser pulled back and sat up on his elbow as Ray sat up against the headboard and ran fingers through his flattened hair.

“Didn’t want ‘ _what_ ’ to spoil the trip? The trip was your idea, Ray.” Ben ran his hand down Ray’s thigh, encouraging him to continue.

“Welsh approached me a few weeks ago.” Ray hesitated as Fraser settled against the headboard next to him. He took Ben’s hands into his own and studied their interlocked palms.

“And?” Fraser questioned, confusion written on his face.

“And he needs me to go undercover.” Ray couldn’t meet Fraser’s eyes.

The silence built between them as Ben pondered this revelation. “But you’re already undercover. How does that work?”

“Part of Vecchio’s job was to do small undercover assignments.” He squeezed Fraser’s hand to assure him. “Listen, I don’t like this idea any more than you do.”

It was Fraser’s turn not to meet the blue eyes staring at him. His thoughts racing back to a phone call from his friend, the real Ray Vecchio. A simple postcard was the last he had heard from the man.

“Ben,” Ray’s soft fingers turned his face towards his own. “This is nothing like Vecchio’s undercover gig. Nothing to be worried about. I will be home in a few weeks.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want it to ruin our trip.” Ray confessed.

Fraser huffed beside him, disappointment clouding his eyes. “I’m not a child, Ray. You should have told me.”

“No you’re not. But I knew you wouldn’t relax if you knew I was leaving. Just a few weeks, Ben. You won’t even miss me.” Ray ran his hand down Fraser’s cheek and smoothed his thumb over his lips.

Ben pulled away and moved to the side of the bed. “How can you even say that?” he threw over his shoulder. “Of course I’ll miss you. And I’ll worry about you…” anger seeped into his words.

The mattress shifted as Ray slid behind Fraser dropping his chin on his right shoulder. He lowered his voice “I’m just saying… it won’t be long. I know you’ll miss me.”

“And if it goes longer?” Fraser’s voice trembled. “Then what?”

“I’ll quit. Just like that.”

“Don’t be absurd, Ray. Your sense of justice wouldn’t allow it.”

“Why ask the question then if you already know the answer?” Ray’s own voice held steady. Truth was he was nervous leaving Fraser behind. They had been inseparable since their first meeting. This assignment was going to be difficult on them both. Just the thought of the separation was driving Ray mad.

“Where will you be? Or am I not allowed to know any details again?” Fraser didn’t mean for the sarcasm to come through his voice but he couldn’t contain it either.

“I don’t know yet. Welsh said something about Indiana.” 

Fraser shook his head and scrubbed a palm over his face. It was happening again, except this time he was being given a heads up. It was still no comfort knowing that he was being left alone, partnerless… _again_. Although that fear took a backseat to his anxiety over Ray’s safety.

“When we get back, he’s going to sit us _both_ down and tell us about the whole assignment. You will know every last detail.” Ray placed a comforting kiss to the back of Fraser’s neck. “I promise, Ben… this isn’t like Vecchio’s assignment.”

“Can you promise me you’re coming back?” Fraser leaned into the comfort of his partner’s arms stretched around him. He intertwined his fingers with Ray’s and pulled them to his mouth. Without looking, he couldn’t tell which fingers were his own.

“I will be back home in a few weeks, I promise.”

“When are you supposed to leave?”

Fraser felt the damp forehead settle against the back of his neck and the long breath exhaled chilled his skin. He body shivered against the conflicting temperatures surrounding him.

“This coming weekend,” came the quiet reply.

“Ray…”

“I know… I know, not a lot of notice. I’m sorry. Welsh said it had to be this way.”

“Then I think we should leave today and get you as prepared as we can.”

“The sooner I take this assignment Fraser, the quicker I can get back home.” Ray turned Fraser’s head and met his lips for a kiss. “Back home… _together_.”

 


	2. Home... Old and New Worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to butterfly ghost for the wonderful beta and a special thank you to the wonderful Tatau for your contribution. I hope everyone that is following is enjoying the story. Feedback is always welcome...

~*~

“Seriously, Fraser, that was a devious move and you know it.” Ray stepped around Dief and fished for the apartment key in his jean’s pocket, never taking his eyes off his partner. “Sneaky, cunning, deceitful move if I ever saw one.”

Fraser had his own key in the lock, knob turned and was halfway through the door before Ray could begin another tirade or find his key. The apartment was illuminated with the flip of a switch and Ray followed Fraser and Diefenbaker into their home, still agitated.

“What are you so upset about?” Fraser threw over his shoulder. “You said when we got back home Lieutenant Welsh would give us all the details of your assignment.” He dropped his bag on the couch and went to the kitchen to fill a bowl of food for Diefenbaker. “We’re home. Are we not? And I wanted to know the details of the assignment today. So we can plan, make sure you’re prepared.”

“Yes, we’re home… _now.”_ Ray threw his own bags on the floor and followed Fraser into the kitchen. _“_ But we weren’t two hours ago when we walked out of the airport and hailed a cab and you told the cabbie to take us to the station instead of home. That’s like some form of kidnapping, Fraser.” Ray was talking with hands and Fraser rolled his eyes at his over-animated gestures.

“You’re being ridiculous, Ray. We merely took a detour through the station en-route to our home. And I didn’t _kidnap_ you. That would be illegal.” He leaned against the counter casually as Ray continued with his hand motions.

“It’s _Sunday_ … Welsh is never in on Sunday. You know that, you _should_ know that… you know everything else. And yes you did kidnap us… _me and Dief_. We both wanted to come home. Look at him, he’s scarfing down _dog food,_ Frase. He’s hungry. It’s been a long day with the delay at the airport and that smelly guy sitting beside me.” Ray shuddered and wrinkled his nose.  “God, I feel like I need to disinfect myself. I wanted a shower and coffee and maybe another shower for good measure, _not_ the police station.” Ray pointed his finger in Fraser’s direction. “And did I mention I’m exhausted?” His animations ceased and his shoulders slumped as he leaned against the refridgerator.

“You’re being overly dramatic. Diefenbaker is hungry because I wouldn’t let him eat your doughnut when he refused his kibble earlier in the day. That’s his own fault. And with your revelation earlier today, I honestly forgot it was Sunday. As for the man sitting beside you, I can’t say that I detected any foul odor.” Fraser dropped a kiss to Ray’s lips as he left the kitchen. “And if you’re so tired, why are you wasting your energy arguing with me?”

“You’re overly sensitive nose couldn’t smell him? He really stunk.” He followed his partner’s retreating form at a slower pace. The fight in him was almost gone. “ And you knew I in no way wanted to go to the station today. You’re a sneaky Mountie and you know it. Admit it… why can’t you admit? You commando… commoned…. commandeered our cab, Ben.”

“I told you my intentions, there is nothing to admit.” Fraser disappeared into the bedroom to begin unpacking their bags. “Will you put some water down for Dief, please? You may want to drink a glass as well, you’re a bit edgy. It may calm you down.”

“You know I hate tap water. Always have, that stuff will kill you one day. Bottled water only for me.” Ray scanned the kitchen.” Which reminds me, we need some.” He filled Dief’s water bowl and followed Fraser into the bedroom. He began stripping off his socks and tossing them in a pile on the floor. “You hijacked the cab Fraser. You knew I wouldn’t agree to going to the station, so while I was stashing our bags in the truck and you were _supposedly_ settling Dief… you bribed the cabbie and hijacked us.” Ray pointed a finger in his partner’s direction. He shimmied out of his t-shirt and added it to the pile of clothes.

“You make it sound like I’m a malicious thug.” Fraser was hurt by Ray’s accusations. “What is wrong with wanting to know as much as we can?”

Hanging his head, Ray finally realized where his partner was coming from. He closed the short distance between himself and Fraser and took hold of his arm. With the other hand, he took Fraser’s jeans away from him and placed them on the bed. “Ben, I’m not disappearing in the middle of the night like Vecchio did. Okay? I promise you will know where I am at all times. I’m going to be allowed to keep in touch with you. I will contact you every hour if necessary to let you know I’m safe.”

Fraser sank defeated onto the bed and stared up at Ray. “Then why am I so nervous?”

“It’s a logical reaction. You and I both know there are always risks involved with undercover work.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Not that it’s much comfort, but I’m a little nervous too. But, Ben, Welsh has assured me that this is all really a simple case.”

“Then why not pick someone else?” Blue eyes held questions Ray had few answers to.

“I apparently fit the description of the kind of person they are looking for, that’s all I know.” He did a little shuffle in front of his partner, a smile appearing on his face. “You know… young, edgy, good looking.” Ray placed both hands on Fraser’s cheeks and leaned forward capturing his open mouth in a kiss. Pulling back mere inches, he stared into worried slate blue eyes. “I’m in, I’m out… I’m back home. Deal?”

Fraser sighed and reveled in Ray’s warm touch on his face, his soft lips on his own. Snaking a hand around Ray’s neck he pulled him closer and stole a kiss of his own. “Deal.”

Leaning forward into Ben’s kiss, Ray pushed him onto his back and let momentum take him along for the ride. He straddled Fraser’s hips, his bare toes hanging over the edge of their king sized bed. Ray’s smooth hands found their way under Fraser’s t-shirt, stopping to explore and tweak hardened nipples.

“God…” Fraser moaned at the sensation and lifted his hips to meet Ray’s growing erection.

“Let me be your guide tonight, Ben.”

Blond spikes disappeared under the hem of his shirt. Warm breath and moist lips met his sensitive skin. Ray was busy kissing the dip in his navel, the hollow under his ribcage, the indentions between each rib, and the hardened peaks of each of his nipples. Each new location had earned Ray an approving moan. The soft cotton fabric was slowly working its way up to Fraser’s neck courtesy of Ray’s hands. They read each other’s minds and Ben lifted his arms and tipped his head forward so Ray could remove the shirt. He tossed it over his shoulder to the pile of his clothing on the floor without removing his eyes from Ben’s body. Strong hands worked their way up his back, massaging tight muscles along the way. Ray let his body relax under the hands of his lover.

Dropping his head forward, he caught Fraser’s mouth again. He let his lips drift from Ben’s to the solid muscles of Ben’s shoulders. Ben's skin was satin smooth, and Ray rested his mouth there for a moment, tasting his sweetness, pressing butterfly kisses along the way. He drifted down to the scar, just below Ben’s left shoulder and kissed it tenderly. Once again, Fraser held his breath and Ray had to remind him to breathe. The nightmare of Jimmy Akers long behind them.

Ray’s tongue painted intricate patterns into Fraser’s skin, calling him away from the old memory. Strong hand’s wrapped around Ray’s slender shoulders as Fraser pushed their bodies closer together. This need to keep him close… Ray understood that. Wasn’t far different from what he felt. But this was about reassuring Fraser and not about reveling in his own anxieties. Smoothly, Ray hooked one leg around Fraser’s ankle bringing – oh, yeah – Ray gasped as he brought their groins into direct contact.

“…stupid …shorts…” Ray muttered, struggling to get his underwear off. Fraser’s low chuckle caught him by surprise. “Allow me,” Ben’s fingers tugged at the elastic. The Mountie always had a knack for getting out of clothes. When Fraser’s last piece of clothing had also joined the mounting pile on the floor, Ray trapped Ben again underneath his own body. “Oh, yeah… that’s more like it…”

Kissing Ben, he pressed down and lost himself in the delicious feeling of sliding skin. Fraser was murmuring into his neck, hot breath fogging up his skin. Ray intertwined their fingers; the strong grip of Ben’s hands never failed to ground him.

“Ben…” Ray pressed a kiss to the corner of Fraser’s mouth but Fraser wasn’t satisfied and captured his lips fully. A slippery hand snaked its way between their bodies and wrapped around their erections. With a moan, Ray broke the kiss. “Sneaky Mountie,” he rasped. But Fraser’s lips were already busy sucking kisses along his throat, too busy to comment.

It struck Ray then that their time shared together in the same bed was coming to a close – just temporarily, sure, but… he wanted… “God,” he murmured, half a moan and half a prayer. Forcefully, he pushed the thought away. Not now--- “Oh, just like that… oh God…” Fraser’s grip was just perfect, all the way from the root to the tip and Ray lost all track of his thoughts.

Ben’s hand, slippery with lube, was bringing things to a close faster than Ray’s brain could catch up with. “Need—“ Ray gasped and flung his other leg over Fraser’s other one as well, straddling him. Fraser seemed to understand him perfectly. Purposefully, his hands settled on Ray’s ass while his teeth gently closed around a nipple. “ _Nngh_ —“ Ray was beautiful. The eyes closed and the lips slightly parted, with a small crease between his brows as his whole body moved the way Fraser’s hands and mouth directed him to.

“Ray…” Ben pressed a kiss to Ray’s heated skin, right above his heart. Ray didn’t need to speak Canadian to hear the ocean of feeling behind that single syllable. “I know,” he murmured. But he didn’t want to think about the coming weekend or the assignment. This was just him and Ben. “Do it,” Ray caught Fraser’s eyes and spread his legs wider to give Fraser’s wandering fingers better access.

Ray reached out, just resting his palm along Ben’s cheek. The metal of his bracelet glinted softly against Fraser’s jaw. Without missing a beat, Fraser’s lips closed around the small beads. Ray’s breath caught and the next moment, Fraser’s finger pushed its way inside.

Ben’s tongue was dedicating itself to the exact shape and texture of the metal beads while his fingers opened Ray up in the same dedicated, probing manner. Ray couldn’t tear his eyes away; his bracelet felt as if it might burn through his skin.

Slowly, the fingers withdrew and Fraser slowly opened his eyes, pressing a last kiss to the bracelet, and Ray felt bereft. He couldn’t decide if it was because he wanted Fraser’s fingers back or if his bracelet was already missing his lips. “Please.” Ray figured Fraser would know which one it was. Ben bit his lips and that crooked tooth appeared for a flash as he positioned himself and then Fraser pushed up. Ray relaxed, muscles loosening around the intrusion and he sank back.

He settled in Fraser’s lap and before he could move, Fraser reached up and pulled himself in a sitting position so that he could embrace Ray. “Ray, Ray, Ray…” Fraser chanted in between kisses and Ray tried to reply, saying “I know” and “Yes” and “I got you,” all the while rocking in tune with Ben.

Ray held onto Ben, moving his hips faster, trying to make him lose the words altogether. He felt Fraser’s whole body tense, lips parted to gasp for air, and he slammed his hips down harder. It was a white-hot current that was running through Ray, this need to give this to Fraser, as if his body could make him believe that nothing could separate them. One of Fraser’s hands closed around Ray’s erection and the other pulled him close for a kiss. The contrast made Ray’s head spin, the frantic movement of Ben’s hand and the gentleness of the kiss seemed so at odds with each other. Fraser’s lips swallowed the moan of Ray’s orgasm and Ray was still twitching when Fraser’s body pulled taut and he had to break the kiss. Ray loved to watch it when the climax overwhelmed Ben. Bliss was a good look on him.

Ben smiled softly at him and then he tightened his arms around Ray and pulled him along as he let himself fall back onto the pillows. They were sticky and sweaty and Ray didn’t care one bit. He moved around a little to find a comfortable position and when he was finished he could have sworn that Fraser was nuzzling his hair.

“Freak,” Ray murmured affectionately. Fraser smiled into his hair before he pressed a kiss into it. Even though Fraser kept his arms around Ray and seemed unwilling to let him out of his reach, his embrace was relaxed and affectionate rather than worried. Ray buried deeper into his partner’s embrace as sleep claimed him.  

~*~

Ray awoke to an empty bed and glanced at his alarm clock on the nightstand for the time. It was three a.m. and Fraser’s side of the bed was cool. He slipped on a pair of boxers and made his way through the dimly lit apartment to the kitchen. He found Ben and Diefenbaker together in the kitchen having a discussion of sorts. Dief was whining and Ray could only guess what the wolf’s problem was, a lack of doughnuts in his diet no doubt.

He entered the small kitchen and wrapped his arms around his partner. Through a stifled yawn he asked, “What are you doing up? And what’s up with talking to the wolf at three a.m.?”

“I’m sorry, did we wake you?” Fraser pressed a kiss to Ray’s forehead.

“No, I rolled over and your side of the bed was empty. You okay?”

“I’m fine, just needed a drink. I’m quite thirsty.”

Ray nuzzled Fraser’s neck. “Mmmm… sex with me will do that to you, leave you completely hydrogenated…” Ray shook his head and yawned again. “I meant dehydrogenated…” Fraser stifled a snicker as Ray continued searching for the right word through yawns. “Oxygenated… _hydrated_ …Fraser, it’s too fucking early, help a guy out already.”

Fraser leaned forward and caught Ray’s open mouthed yawn in a kiss. “Would that be _dehydrated_ , Ray? And sex with you is always exhilarating.” He placed another kiss to Ray’s dry lips. “You go back to bed. I will be in shortly. Dief drained his water bowl already and I just need to refill it.”

“That’s because he’s trying to absorb the toxicity of the dog food you forced him to eat.”

“His kibble is nowhere near as toxic as your doughnuts. It’s what he’s supposed to be eating all the time, but somebody insists on spoiling him.” Fraser drained his water glass and stole a kiss from his sleepy partner.

“Spoil… shmoil… they haven’t killed me or him yet.” Ray refilled Dief’s bowl with water and grinned triumphantly at his partner.

“Come on Sleeping Beauty, let’s go back to bed.” Fraser wound an arm around Ray’s and ushered him back to their bedroom.

~*~

Fraser pinched the bridge of his nose and willed the newly forming headache to go away. He filled a glass of water and swallowed its content. Studies had shown in recent history that drinking ample amounts of water helped to alleviate pain associated with headaches. This headache was different from ones he had experienced in the past and he hoped the water would make it disappear. He didn’t want to rely on pain medication if he didn’t have to. No need to travel down that road again, even if it was simply extra-strength Tylenol. He stretched his neck and shoulders in an attempt to shake some of the built up tension, but it didn’t seem to have any effect.

He busied himself with his routine morning tasks in an attempt to ignore the mounting headache. Smiling fondly at the chili pepper lights over the breakfast bar, he plugged them in. As they glowed in the faint morning sunshine, he remembered hanging them up when Ray moved in and telling him how hideous and tacky they were. Yet somehow, he was always the first person to plug them in every morning. He sighed with content. Life with Ray was good, chili pepper lights and all. He prepared the coffee pot for Ray and the tea kettle for himself and dropped a multi-grain bagel in the toaster.

Bending over to fill Diefenbaker’s food bowl, he felt the room tilt. Grabbing onto the edge of the counter for support, he clenched his eyes shut and prayed the kitchen would cease spinning. Maybe taking some Tylenol wasn’t that bad of an idea. Opening the cupboard, he located the bottle and shook two out into his shaking hand. ‘It was just two simple pills, just this once.’

‘When did that happen?’ he asked himself as he stared at the two white capsules in his trembling hand. He was fine when he woke up twenty minutes ago. Whether it was from the headache or the thought of taking a pain reliever or the idea of Ray leaving him in a matter of days, Fraser couldn’t tell. He refilled his glass with water and swallowed the two pills. They felt like two bullets sliding down his throat and he fought against the gag reflex. He reminded himself they were over the counter pain relievers and nothing like the drugs he had relied on so heavily after Vecchio had shot him.

The memory of that time, the sense of complete helplessness, overwhelmed him. His breathing became ragged, his pulse raced and he rushed to the bathroom, losing the contents of his stomach. Sweating and shaking, he rinsed his mouth with water. This was an anxiety he hadn’t experienced in some time and he suddenly wasn’t sure he was okay with Ray leaving.

“You okay?” came a tired but concerned voice from behind. Steady hands settled on his hips and he felt some of the anxiety ease away with his lover’s tender touch.

He gave Ray a small nod but didn’t trust his voice enough to answer.

“Ben… you just threw up.”

“I’m okay,” he lied through clenched teeth. Ray had a job to do and he couldn’t do that job safely if he was worried about Fraser. “I may have caught a stomach bug.” He straightened himself, thankful the bathroom wasn’t spinning, and followed Ray towards the kitchen.

Ben settled himself on a barstool and accepted a cup of tea from Ray. “What time should we leave to talk to Lieutenant Welsh?”

“You sure you’re up for that?” Ray questioned. “You look like you need to go lie back down.” Ray filled his own mug with coffee and chocolate and stirred the concoction together before taking a long swallow. Nothing woke him up like a good cup of coffee, unless it was a sexy Mountie.

“I will be fine. Just a slight headache.”

Kowalski wasn’t so sure Ben was giving him the whole story, but didn’t want to press the matter any further. “We can leave after I get dressed.” He eyed his partner and snickered. “You might want to consider changing as well, unless you want Welsh to see you in sweatpants.”

Looking down at his legs, Fraser’s eyes grew wide. “Oh dear!” he exclaimed. “That would have been quite the embarrassment.”

“You sure you’re okay? Maybe you should take something for the headache before it gets worse, especially if you’re throwing up.”

“No.” Fraser didn’t want a repeat of a few minutes ago. He would just have to use a mental exercise to clear away the ache. “I will take another glass of water though.”

“Ben… it’s Tylenol. It’s okay for you to take a couple. There’s no point in suffering through a headache.” Remembering the conversation with Inspector Thatcher about Fraser’s past drug abuse, Ray realized maybe that was why Ben was refusing the Tylenol. He didn’t want to be tempted with _any_ form of narcotic.

“I said ‘no’, Ray.” He stood abruptly from the bar stool and made his way to the bedroom to change, glaring at his partner for even making the suggestion. “I will be fine.”

Ray bent down and rubbed Dief behind the ears. The wolf was sitting by his water bowl whining. “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed, Dief. Can’t you convince him it won’t hurt to take a couple pills so I don’t have to listen to him be crabby all day?” The wolf whined again and Ray sympathized and filled his water bowl. He rubbed behind his ears once more and stood to go find his partner.

Fraser was sitting on the bed studying a picture in his hands. It was taken by Francesca six months earlier. They had gone out with a small group from work celebrating Elaine’s return to the precinct as an officer. Frannie had caught Ray and Fraser in a back booth and snapped the photo before either could object. She had caught them in an intimate kiss and gave each of them a copy. Fraser used his as a bookmark in whatever book he was reading at the moment while Ray had his framed and placed on his nightstand.

“Hey… you okay?” Ray asked gently as he made his way over to the bed.

“You keep asking me that.”

“You keep making me wonder. You’re throwing up, you got a headache, you’re _cranky_ …”

“I told you, I think I caught a stomach bug.”

“ _Or…_ you’re making yourself sick over me leaving.” Weary blue eyes locked onto Ray’s. “You’re not a very good liar, Ben, and I’m a damn good detective. What gives?”

Fraser closed his eyes and shook his head, breathing in deeply. He exhaled slowly as Ray sat down next to him on the bed. “I woke up with a headache.”

“I told you to take some pills.” Ray rubbed the base of Fraser’s neck. He knew when Ben got headaches, the tension in his neck was always the worst.

Ignoring his partner’s comment, Fraser continued. “I bent over to fill Dief’s food bowl and got dizzy. So, I relented and took a couple of Tylenol and I felt like I was choking, Ray. I could hardly swallow them. My hands were trembling and I don’t know if was from the idea of taking any form of drug again or if it’s because you are leaving and it’s making me anxious and edgy. But then they just came right back up. I can usually suffer through a headache with no pills, but this one is different. And…” Fraser paused and looked into his partner’s eyes for understanding and comfort.  “I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle you being gone.”

“Ben…”

“I know you keep telling me that it’s nothing like Ray’s assignment but I can’t shake that feeling of when I came home and he was just gone. No explanation, no reassurances… just gone. And I still don’t know if he’s okay. It scares the hell out of me that you won’t be coming back either.”

Ray slid closer and wrapped his arm around Ben’s shoulders. “Here’s the deal. We go in, we listen to what Welsh has to tell us about this assignment and if any part of it makes you uncomfortable, I tell them to get someone else. Plain and simple.”

“You can do that?” Ben questioned. He ran his fingers through his hair, not noticing that he was making it stand on end. Ray smiled – Fraser was adorable when he was messy.

“Absolutely,” he promised. “They need me, I don’t need them.”

“I think that’s a fair arrangement.” Fraser squeezed Ray’s thigh. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

With a quick kiss Ray forgave his partner. “Water under the bridge. We’re all allowed to be crabby in the morning every once in a while. Hell, even Dief is cranky this morning because he had no water. Now, let’s get dressed because I highly doubt Welsh wants to meet with us in boxers and sweatpants.”

~*~

The bullpen of the 2-7 was unusually quiet for a Monday morning. Most of the detectives were either working diligently at their desks or out in the field. Welsh greeted Fraser and Ray at his office door and welcomed them in, offering each a fresh cup of his personal stash of Hawaiian coffee.

“Don’t tell Francesca I have this in here. She thinks that she is going to get me to allow her to open up a café here at the station. If I have my personal stash of good coffee, I don’t need her café and she will have to get back to actually doing her job, instead of trying to be the local Barista.”

“Our lips are sealed, Lieu.” Kowalski twisted his fingers in front of his lips and threw the imaginary key over his shoulder.

“I’m assuming, Constable, that Ray here has told you that we need him for an undercover operation and that he won’t take it unless I tell you all of the details.” Welsh looked from one man sitting before him to the other for confirmation.

“Yes, he told me.” Fraser confirmed with a tight smile.

“Good. As I explained to Ray when I first approached him, it’s a fairly routine assignment. He should only be gone two, three weeks tops.”

“What exactly is the assignment, Sir?” Fraser questioned, trying to keep the quiver out of his voice. ‘This was all part of Ray’s job,’ he reminded himself.

“A copper wire company, just on the other side of the Indiana border, is having a serious theft problem. Local police have come up with nothing and the owners are losing money. Their scrap calculations are not matching up to what is actually being taken to the scrapper. Someone is stealing wire and in large quantities, but they can’t figure out how. They have cameras installed all over the premises yet nothing is ever caught out of the ordinary. They want someone to go in and see if it’s an inside job and how it’s being accomplished. Ray here matches the criteria of guy they think will fit in with their present employees.”

“Young, energetic, edgy...” Ray supplied with a wink. “How much you want to bet someone’s hiding it in their lunch box?”

“It would have to be a lunch box the size of a trash hopper. Are you aware how much copper is going for at the moment? And not even bare, pure copper, but scrap copper?”

“That would be approximately one dollar and ninety eight cents a pound, Sir, rounded off to the nearest hundredth, of course.”

Welsh stared at Fraser in disbelief and Ray rolled his eyes. “Why does it not surprise me, Constable, that you would already know the answer to that question?”

Ray patted his partner on the shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. “This guy is a wealth of knowledge. Probably read it in the paper at the airport yesterday, but still…”

“Sir, I do have one question,” Fraser ignored his partner’s teasing. “Will I be partnered with another detective while Ray is undercover?”

“I will leave that entirely up to you. If you want to make yourself available and help Huey and Dewey, you have my blessing. Lord knows their arrest rates will go up if you chose to liaise with them. If you want to stay in Canada for the next few weeks and bestow all of your services to the Inspector, well, may the force be with you. The decision is yours.” Welsh spoke with his left hand as his right poured himself another cup of coffee.

“That’s not exactly what I meant, Sir.” Fraser turned to the side and stared at Ray. “Will you be bringing in someone to replace Ray?”

Blue eyes darted between Fraser and Welsh. Ray hadn’t considered the idea that Welsh may have to have a cover for him.

“No, Constable. There is no need to bring in another detective. As far as people will know, Ray Vecchio is taking a vacation.”

“And when will Ray be leaving?” The slight tremor in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by either Ray or Lieutenant Welsh.

“Thursday morning. We want him to get settled in on Thursday and then he will start on that Friday. This place has weird shifts and they believe the problem is occurring on the swing shift, and it works this coming weekend. Most of the bosses will be there on Friday, but not Saturday and Sunday. So, we need to get him in and settled. Only the owner of the company and the shift supervisor will know Ray is undercover.”

Both Fraser and Ray nodded in understanding. They only had a few more days together.

“If there is nothing else, meet me here Thursday morning about seven and we will get Ray on his way. As you can see, I have a mountain of paperwork to sort through and at this rate, I will never see the outside of these walls.” Welsh stood and shook each man’s hand. “Constable, trust me when I tell you that he will be fine. Ray is a superb officer, one of the best. Just look at the job he has done covering for Vecchio already. He’ll be home before you know it.”

“Have you received any news about Ray Vecchio, Sir?” Fraser asked abruptly.

Welsh grew quiet and studied the man before him before shaking his head ‘No’.

“Then you will excuse me if I don’t place all of my trust in your words alone.” Fraser turned to the open door and walked out past Ray.

Kowalski watched his retreating form then turned back to Welsh and attempted to apologize. “I’m sorry, Lieu, he got up on the wrong side of the bed today. I think he left his politeness in Canada.”

Welsh waved a hand in the air. “Not a problem. I understand where he is coming from. I lost a good officer and he lost a good partner and friend when Vecchio went under. It’s understandable he would be resistant to you leaving as well.”

“It really is a simple case, right, Lieu? I’m not being fed to the wolves or anything. I _am_ coming home?”

“Yes, I just wish he would believe us. We’ll keep our eyes on him for you.”

Ray shook his lieutenant’s hand and left in search of Fraser. He found him outside leaning against the GTO, arms folded and ankles crossed. A scowl embedded in his features.

“Hey… you okay?”

“How can he afford me any reassurances regarding your safety when he can’t tell me anything about Ray Vecchio’s?”

“Ben, look at me. Vecchio went undercover as a _mob boss_. I get a simple copper wire theft. There’s a huge difference in the level of security and need to know information. I’m positive that if anything were to happen to Vecchio, we would know. So until we do, we agree that he is doing well and is still safe.” Ray leaned into his partner and unfolded his arms. “Come on, let’s head home.”

“No, I can’t. I have to go to the Consulate and file some forms for my time off. Constable Turnbull called the station and left a message with Francesca to tell me if she saw us. Apparently Inspector Thatcher lost my paperwork while we were away. You go ahead and go, though and I will meet you at home later. I shouldn’t be long. You can stop and pick up our mail from Mrs. Henderson. We could probably do with a run to the grocery store as well.”

Ray snuck a knee in between Fraser’s crossed legs and pressed himself up against his partner’s solid body. “You take care of the Ice Queen, I’ll take care of the groceries and mail, and then how about we take care of each other when we both settle in for the night?”

“How about _you_ take care of Inspector Thatcher and _I_ get the groceries and mail?” The sideways smile showed off the crooked tooth that Ray was so fond of. Ray melted and caught Fraser’s unsuspecting lips in a slow kiss.

“Don’t tempt me,” he replied breathlessly.

 

 


	3. What to Do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to all that have been following. I have been on vacation and just couldn't get the tweaks perfected. I special thank you to BG for your patience with my tweaking. I hope this chapter is worth the wait... Enjoy

~*~

The mail tucked tightly beneath his chin, Ray juggled the two bags of groceries under his left arm while digging deep in his right pocket for his apartment key. One of these days he was going to remember to take it out of his pocket before he even got out of the car. The sweaty gallon of milk slipped from his fingers and he pinned it to the door with his knee.

“Fuck… I need more arms.” He could hear Diefenbaker whining behind the locked door as he let the milk slide gradually to the floor with assistance from his shin. “Hold on Dief, I’m trying to get in.”

Ray realized he must be quite the sight. Pressed up against a locked door, juggling too many articles and talking to a deaf wolf. He heard the wolf bark in response and he let out another curse as one of the bags began to slip from his grasp. A few pieces of mail drifted to the floor when he shifted the bags in his arms.

“You look like you could use a little help, Mr. Kowalski.” A small voice from behind startled Ray and the rest of the mail fluttered to the floor. The petite landlady that Fraser was so fond of bent over to pick up the scattered mail. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to startle you. The mailman just dropped off a few more pieces of mail and I thought I would bring it on up. I told him you were home and could start leaving it in your box again.”

Ray finally succeeded in locating the key in his pocket and worked it into the lock as Mrs. Henderson picked up the gallon of milk and took one of the bags of groceries from his grasp. He stared at her bewildered.

“How do you do that? I’m twice your size and I couldn’t handle all that without dropping anything.”

“I’m a mother, dear,” she replied with a bright smile. “I’m used to juggling a lot of things at once.” No wonder all the tenants loved her.

Ray smiled fondly at her and pushed the door open wide to allow her entrance into his home. Diefenbaker came around the door, nudging Ray in the knee with his snout and whined again.

“Is the counter ok for these?” She asked as she made her way towards the kitchen, greeting Diefenbaker along the way.

“Yeah that’s fine. Thanks for the help and for keeping our mail for us while we were gone. It’s nice to get away but it’s always good to come back home.”

“Mosquitos that bad up there, huh?” She laughed and swatted at his arm playfully. “Oh it was my pleasure. I was pleased when Constable Fraser moved in here. The other tenants have expressed their appreciation as well. It seems everyone sleeps better at night knowing that there are police officers that live close by and aren’t too bothered to help out when the occasional emergency arises. I can’t thank you enough for your help when we had that severe storm a month ago with threats of tornados.”

Ray blushed, “Oh, it was nothing…”

“It _wasn’t_ nothing. It would have taken me too long by myself to alert all the elderly residents and get them to the tornado shelter. But you and Constable Fraser were right there to help me.” She patted his arm in appreciation. “Anything you boys ever need, you just let me know.”

Ray thanked her again for her assistance and accepted the mail she was still holding in her hand. “Thanks, I will let Ben know.”

“Oh…” she turned towards him when she got to the doorway. “I almost forgot. We had our annual inspections while you two were gone on vacation. You boys passed with flying colors, not that that news surprised me.”

Ray blushed again and rubbed a hand over his chin. “Yeah, Ben’s a neat freak.”

“Well, let me get out of your hair. You’ve got groceries to unpack and mail to sort. Give the Constable my regards.”

Ray thanked Mrs. Henderson again for the help and closed the door behind her. Dief whined again and pushed his nose into Ray’s thigh.

“What is with you today? I didn’t buy any doughnuts and you’re not getting my ice cream bars either.” The wolf let out a low growl and went and sat by his water bowl. “Don’t even start with the attitude, Dief. Do you remember what happened when you swiped the box of ice cream bars off the counter the last time?” Ray gave the wolf a stern look. “You spent three days at the vet’s office and _I_ had to scrub carpets. We are not taking that route again.” Dief barked again to get Ray’s attention as he put the remainder of groceries away. “I said ‘no’. I’m with Fraser on the ‘no more ice cream’ rule. You think you’re doing something nice for the deaf wolf by giving him a tiny bite of your ice cream sandwich and you repay me by swiping the entire box and doing a number on the carpets. You pay and you pay and you pay.”

Dief barked again and pulled on Ray’s pant leg.

“Hey… _knock it off_.” He tried pushing Dief’s head away from his leg and cursed when a tooth ripped a small hole in his jeans. “We use manners in this house, Diefenbaker.”

Dief momentarily let go and cocked his head at Ray as if to say, “ _Really?”_ He grabbed ahold of Ray’s jeans again and started tugging, a low growl emitting from his throat.

“God, what is wrong with you? Only one person is allowed to be crabby today and Fraser already got dibs on that.” Ray was losing his balance and held onto the side of the counter for support as Diefenbaker continued to pull on his pant leg.

The wolf finally let go of Ray’s jeans and pushed his water bowl towards the blond.

“Well, why didn’t you just say so? God, there’s no reason to try and rip my leg off.” He filled the bowl with water and set it on the floor. Dief lapped it up greedily. Ray rubbed him behind the ears and gathered the mail up into his hands, retreating to the living room. He tossed the junk mail into the trash by the desk and placed the phone, electric and water bills in a pile to pay later. He thumbed through the remainder of the mail, a new phone directory, a letter from his mom, bank statements, and two crisp white envelopes from the State of Illinois parole board. One was addressed to himself, the other Fraser. Ray dropped the remaining pieces of mail onto the desktop and sat down heavily on the arm of the couch.

“No… _no, no, no_. God, tell me this isn’t what I think it is.” Panic set in as Ray fumbled through the desk drawer in search of Fraser’s letter opener. He finally gave up and used his finger to rip open the envelope addressed to himself. He prayed it was a letter informing him of the denial of parole for Jimmy Akers. There was no way the state was going to let that monster out of prison after everything he had done to Fraser and himself, at least Ray prayed they wouldn’t.

He thought back to the trial and the intense amounts of stress it had put on Fraser, not only having to relive the nightmare, but having to do it so publicly.  With the help of an excellent counselor, they’d both managed to move on. Ray knew if he had shown up for Jimmy’s sentencing, he probably would have killed the man for what he did to Fraser. And Fraser had not been ready to face him either. The hurt was still too deep and raw. Jimmy Akers got what he deserved, that’s all either man cared about.

Ray took a deep breath and pulled the folded letter out of the envelope. He read the contents and immediately wanted to punch something. Jimmy Akers was out of prison. Free to come and go as he pleased, his only restriction was checking in with a parole officer and keeping a reasonable amount of distance between himself and Fraser.

“Un-fucking believable!” he yelled at the letter in his hand. There had to be some mistake. Surely Welsh knew about this. ‘Why the hell didn’t he say anything?’ Maybe he didn’t know and only the victims of the crime were informed. Maybe he was drowning in paperwork – who knew? Ray stared at the unopened letter in his other hand. The one addressed to his partner. Fraser couldn’t know, not now, not until he came home from his assignment and they could face it together.

Ray jumped and nearly fell off the arm of the couch when the phone rang and was anxious when he heard Fraser’s voice on the opposite end.

On the other side of the phone, Fraser braced himself. “Ray,” he said, dreading the tirade which was sure to follow, “I am going to be a few hours yet.”

“What?” Ray asked in disbelief. “Why? I thought you just had to fill out those vacation forms again.”

“Well, I had to do that yes, but Inspector Thatcher is taking her own vacation, day after tomorrow for a few weeks and wants to take the rest of today to inform me of a few things that need to be taken care of while she is away along with some paperwork that will need to be completed as well.” Fraser explained into the phone, knowing Ray was going to be upset.

“Fraser, I hate that woman. She always dumps her crap in your lap.”

“Whether you like her or not, she is still my superior officer and I have to do what she says.”

“Or what?” Ray asked defiantly.

“I think you know the answer to that, Ray.”

“Right,” Ray said defeated. “Back to Canada you go. Still, she’s a bitch and I don’t like her.”

“You are entitled to your opinion.”

“Damn right I am.” Ray hung his head. It wasn’t fair to take his anger out on his partner. He needed to hit the gym and find the toughest punching bag this side of the Chicago skyline. Dief came in from the kitchen and turned circles in front of Ray. “Look, I’m sorry. You know she pushes my buttons,” Ray apologized. “I swear she does it on purpose.” Dief whimpered again and turned another circle. “Frase, Dief’s crossing his legs here. I’m going to have to go. I’ll uh, I’ll see you when you get home.”

Ray ended the call and dropped his cell phone on the couch. He stared again at the unopened letter in his hand. He made the hasty decision to hide the letter for the time being. Taking both letters he went over to the bookshelf built into the wall.

‘No, bad idea,’ he told himself. Fraser was always thumbing through the books on the shelf, even his car mechanics books.

 _“You never know, Ray. One day we might be in a bind and I may need to know how to fix something on your car. Always best to be prepared.”_ Ray smiled fondly at the memory of Fraser spending an entire evening on the couch studying his mechanical books on cars.

Ray shook his head at the thought of a greasy Fraser under the hood of his car. ‘Now how sexy would that be?’ He shuddered and pushed the racy thoughts to the back of his head, managing to keep them wrangled there until a more appropriate time.

Bringing himself back to the task at hand, he needed a place Fraser would never look. “Think Kowalski… think.” Going to his bedroom closet, he pulled out his gym bag. He needed it to go the gym anyway. Stuffing the letters under his boxing gloves and spare towel, he zipped it closed and threw it over his shoulder. He needed to hit something… _now_.

The ringing of his cell phone stopped him in his tracks as he walked by the couch. He fished the phone from behind the cushions and checked the caller ID. He wasn’t really in the mood to speak with anyone at the moment and groaned when he saw Stella’s name appear on the display. She rarely called him unless it had to do with one of his cases, so he figured it had to be important.

“Hey Stella, I’m in a bit of a hurry and about to walk out the door. Make it quick.” He didn’t intend to come across short with his ex-wife. Their relationship had improved considerably since he and Fraser had gotten together and she could now tolerate being in the same room with him without worrying about Ray throwing himself at her.

“I’m sorry, Ray. I was just calling to check…” she paused and the silence grew before she continued. “To check how you were doing.”

“I’m fine. Ben and I got back yesterday from a much needed vacation.” He shifted his gym bag to his other shoulder and followed Diefenbaker towards the door. “I’m on my way out the door at the moment.”

“Ray, I… uh heard that Jimmy was out of jail.” She continued when she heard Ray curse through the connection. “I tried calling you when I found out.”

Ray dropped his bag to the floor. “You knew?”

“I had just found out myself a few days ago,” she explained quickly.

“Well, I never got a phone call, Stella,” Ray was instantly irritated. “I got a letter in the mail instead.”

“Do you know how hard it is to locate you in the frozen north?” She defended herself. “Look, I hate him just as much as you do. But there isn’t anything we can do about it.”

“How could they let him out? Stella, how could they release him after just a year?”

“I don’t know. It was some sort of mix up, but it’s done and can’t be changed.” Stella twirled her hair around her fingers nervously. “Ray, how is Ben taking the news?”

Ray froze. How was he going to convince Stella not to mention this to Fraser until he returned from his assignment? “I haven’t told him yet. Stella, you gotta do me a huge favor and not mention anything to him.”

“Ray, he has a right to know.”

“I know, I know… just not yet. As long as Jimmy is staying out of trouble, I don’t want Ben to know until I can be here and we can face it together. Please, I’m begging you. Just let me wait until I get home to tell him. Does anyone else know?” Ray was suddenly worried about the number of people that would already know about Jimmy’s release accidently saying something to Fraser.

“Not that I’m aware of. At least no one that Ben will come into contact with on a regular basis. I did check with his parole officer and he is adhering to the limits of his parole.”

“As long as he leaves us alone, I don’t care.” Ray sighed with relief.

“Jimmy’s been bad news for a long time, Ray. I’m not proud of it, but I was glad when he went back to jail. I hated what he put you and Ben through. He got what he deserved. I don’t understand myself why he was released.” Stella had her own history with Jimmy Akers, of which Ray only knew the parts she told him. “How are you guys doing?”

“We are good. Ben’s a little worked up about me leaving for a few weeks, though.” He shifted the phone to his other ear. “You’ll keep an eye on him for me, won’t you?”

“I don’t think he will think too highly of that idea. You know how self-sufficient he is.”

“I’m not asking you to have him over for dinner or anything. Just keep a distant eye on him. I would really appreciate it, Stell.”

“That I can try to do for you. You be careful, Ray,” she added sincerely.

“I will. Piece of cake. Be back in a few weeks. Hopefully, in the meantime, Jimmy doesn’t get any bright ideas.”

“If he knows what’s good for him, he will stay curled up in his own little hole. Take care and I will see you when you get back.” She ended the call and Ray was more determined to hit a punching bag. That was all he needed was someone else knowing about Jimmy being out. But he trusted Stella and knew she would keep the news to herself.

Diefenbaker turned a few more circles in front of Ray. “Alright, I’m sorry. I had to take that call. Listen, Dief… you can’t mention anything to Ben either. I know you two have…” he twirled his hands in the air looking for the right expression. “… conversations and what not… but he just can’t know yet. You understand, right?” Dief yipped in agreement and Ray led him outside to do his business. He tossed his bag in the car while he waited for the wolf. Dief came back from the bushes and bolted up the stairs to the apartment.

“Hey, you could wait for me you know.” Ray caught his breath as he met Diefenbaker at the door to the apartment. He barely had the door opened before Dief bolted for his water bowl. “No wonder you have to go out all the time. You keep drinking water like that, you’re going to float away.”

Ray bent over to scratch the wolf behind the ears and Dief snapped at him, biting him across his knuckles.

Startled, Ray stumbled several steps back and stared in shock at the wolf. “ _What the fuck, Dief?”_ Dief’s bite barely broke the skin but the area was quickly starting to bruise. It was more of a pinch than an actual bite, yet it still scared Ray. Dief whined in response and dropped his head. He took tentative steps towards Ray as the blond fought the urge to back further out of the kitchen. He had never been scared of Diefenbaker before. Dief whined and dropped to the floor in front of Ray and began licking his pant leg. Shaking, Ray summoned up the courage to let Dief sniff his trembling hand. The wolf looked at Ray’s face and began licking the broken skin.

“You don’t bite me again and I don’t tell Ben. But one more outburst and I spill like a waterfall. Agreed?” The wolf whined and Ray brushed an unsure hand down his back. His fur was soft under his fingertips and Ray resisted the urge to nuzzle Dief’s neck like he did on occasion. He wasn’t sure what his temperament was and he certainly didn’t want to have to cover up a bite mark to the face. Something was off with the wolf today and he was certainly no expert. Maybe Ben would have a better understanding after observing him when he got home. Ray wasn’t about to tell Fraser his wolf bit him, not yet anyway.

He dug through a drawer in the bathroom and found some gauze to wrap his hand. He could just tell Fraser he bruised it at the gym. And that wouldn’t be a total lie. He always came home with bruises to his hands when he went sparring. There would just be a wolf bite underlying those bruises this time. Ray cracked his neck stretched his shoulders. He had some aggression of his own to work out.

~*~

When he finally arrived home, it was two hours later than Fraser anticipated. He rolled his left shoulder forward and backward trying to work it loose. It had been bothering him since the long flight home and the drastic change in temperatures. His mind drifted to the unpleasant memory of the car accident when he received the broken shoulder and those thoughts drifted further to include Jimmy Akers. He shuddered and shook his head, dislodging the bad memories. The faint smell in the hall reminded Fraser of Jimmy, but he couldn’t place what it was about the smell that brought Jimmy to mind.

Fraser was tired and ready to spend a quiet evening with Ray. Inspector Thatcher had insisted on reviewing the whole next month’s agenda and the visiting Foreign Dignitaries before she left on her vacation. Fraser didn’t see what the point really was. He oversaw most of what she went over with him on a regular basis anyway. Re rolled his shoulder again to work it loose. ‘Maybe Ray could massage it later,’ he thought with a smile. Ray always worked his magic on Fraser’s aching muscles and Fraser was always thankful his partner had such skillful hands.

He knew he had been short with Ray earlier in the day and then with having to stay and do some work, he thought Chinese would make a decent peace offering. The aroma from the food he held in his arms was making his stomach grumble and he realized he never eaten his bagel from earlier in the morning. Constable Turnbull had made a delicious vegetable stew for lunch, but that had been hours ago. He was still fighting a lingering headache but it wasn’t nearly as strong as it had been earlier in the day.

He jiggled his key in the lock and froze. A new scent mixed with that of the Chinese and he looked around the deserted hallway. It was vaguely familiar but he couldn’t place where he knew it from. It was enough to unnerve him and it sent shivers up his spine. Fraser pulled his key from the lock and inspected it. He had never been one to keep his door locked. Not until Jimmy Akers invaded his life.

Shaking the bad memories from his head again, Fraser turned the doorknob and was about to step into his home when a gentle voice echoed from behind him.

“Constable Fraser,” Mrs. Henderson’s quiet voice broke the silence in the hallway. “I gave Mr. Kowalski your mail earlier today.”

“Please, Mrs. Henderson, it’s Ben and Ray.” He gave her a kind smile. “What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to invite you fellows to a barbeque my daughter and son-in-law are having this weekend, if you were going to be around.” She gave him a small smile before continuing. “You two have done so much for me this past year and I wanted to say thank you.”

“That’s very kind of you. Ray is going to be out of town for a while, but I may be able to stop by.”

“And bring Diefenbaker, my son-in-law will love him.” She patted his arm. “Looks like you’ve got dinner there, so I won’t keep you.”

Fraser thanked her and stepped into the apartment. He shifted the bag of food in his arms as he turned to close the door and tripped over Ray’s haphazardly placed gym bag. His left foot caught in the handle of the bag, and his forward momentum sent him crashing to the floor hard. Ben let out a sharp cry as his shoulder connected with surface beneath him. The bag of Chinese food fell from his grasp and tumbled across the hardwood floor, egg drop soup spilling from the containers as the tops popped off, chow Mein seeping out of the sides of the broken Chinese boxes. Diefenbaker swiped an eggroll that landed in front of him and he scurried under the kitchen table to scarf it down before anyone could stop him.

Emerging from the bedroom, hair damp from a recent shower, bare chested, his faded jeans sitting just below his hip bones, Ray called for his partner when he heard the commotion. “Ben…?” He saw Fraser lying on the floor, surrounded by broken containers of Chinese food. “Shit…” Jumping over the Chinese littering the floor, he hurried over to his partner’s side. Fraser’s feet were tangled in the straps of the bag, pain clearly written across his face. Ray helped him into a sitting position. Disentangling the bag from his feet, he shoved it to the side.

Fraser attempted to stand up and Ray held him down with a firm hand to the shoulder. “No, sit tight for a minute. You may have hit your head, Ben.”

“I didn’t hit my head. Just help me up,” he replied, annoyed.

Ray slipped a hand under Fraser’s left shoulder and began to lift.

“Oh God, stop,” Fraser grunted. “Stop…. _stop, stop, stop._ ” He pulled his left arm tight against his side and cradled it with his right hand.

“What’s wrong?” Ray stepped back and scanned his partner looking for obvious signs of injury. “Where are you hurt?”

Fraser’s breathing was ragged, his eyes clenched shut. “I think I’ve hurt my shoulder.”

“Fuck.” Ray moved to the other side of his partner and carefully helped him to his feet. “Let’s get you to the couch and I’ll get you some ice.”

Groaning and holding his shoulder, Ben settled into the corner of the couch. He accepted the ice pack from Ray and placed it on his throbbing shoulder. He hoped there was no further damage from the fall. Having a small rod in his shoulder was bad enough from the car accident a year ago. He didn’t need it to be further damaged by a carelessly placed bag.

“What was your bag doing in the middle of the doorway anyway? If you’re going to insist on just dropping it somewhere, drop it where nobody’s going to break their neck on it.” Fraser snapped at his partner, clearly irritated.

“I’m sorry. I went to the gym to work off some energy and I was beat when I got home and I got distracted by Dief having to go out and the phone ringing and I wasn’t thinking.” Ray cringed when Fraser shifted, the pain etched clearly on his face. “How bad is it? You need to go to the ER?” Ray settled himself on the arm of the couch furthest from his partner.

“ _No…_ ” Fraser muttered through clenched teeth. He drew in a deep breath and found a more comfortable position. “Just… just let me sit here for a moment or two. The ice is helping to numb it.” Noticing Ray’s bandaged hand for the first time, he tapped his leg with his foot to get his attention. “What did you do to your hand?”

Ray studied his bandaged hand for a moment before speaking. There was no way he was telling Fraser that Dief tried to take a chunk out of him earlier. “I, uh, bruised it sparring at the gym.” He gave Fraser a crooked smile. “Don’t worry, Ben, the bag looks worse than me. I just needed to work off some steam. I’m just anxious to get this assignment over and done with so I can get back home.”

Momentarily forgetting his own problem at hand, Fraser glared at his partner. “I still don’t see why they couldn’t pick somebody else.”

Ray’s shoulders dropped as he tried to explain again. “I already told you. I fit the description of the kind of person they want in there. You think Dewey would fit in? Or Huey? Elaine? Come on, Fraser. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Be that as it may, I still don’t have to like it,” he absent-mindedly rubbed at his shoulder.

“Just like I don’t have to like the Ice Queen.” Ray sank down onto the couch cushion and took Fraser’s feet into his lap, removing his shoes and began massaging his feet.

Fraser rolled his eyes. “One has absolutely nothing to do with the other, Ray.”

“Look, three weeks and I will be back.”

“Fine.” Fraser set his jaw, stubbornly.

“How’s the shoulder, you want anything for the pain?”

“No, thank you. I would like some water though.”

“Okay, but if the pain gets to be too much and you don’t want to go to the doctor because you’re _stubborn_ , I still have some of those Vicodin left from when I dislocated my shoulder.” Ray went to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water and a towel to clean up the food. He handed Fraser the glass of water and turned his attention to the mess on the floor. “At least it will take the edge off, better than Tylenol.” Ray turned his head when Fraser huffed. “Right, who am I kidding? You won’t even take a fucking Tylenol.”

“Language, Ray, and you know why. I don’t understand why you’re angry about this. I’d have thought you’d be more supportive.”

“I’m not angry, just confused. You’re the one who said it was under control. Ben, there’s no need to suffer through pain. And I do support you.”

“Obviously, you don’t understand. You’ve never been addicted to anything, unless you take into consideration your morning ritual of coffee and chocolate.” He shifted the ice pack on his shoulder, shivering when the cold pack brushed his neck.

“Fine… maybe I _don’t_ understand. Maybe it’s because you never tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

“I just did!” Fraser yelled exasperated at his partner.

“I’m sorry, okay. I just hate to see you hurt. It’s not like you’re going to get addicted to Tylenol.”

“Well, don’t leave your bags lying around then.” Fraser tipped the glass of water to his lips and swallowed its contents.

“Gotta be such a smart ass. If you’re so organized, where’s the letter opener?” Ray questioned.

“What?” The change in subject threw Fraser for a loop. “Well, if it’s not where I left it, then I assume you’ve moved it and didn’t return it to its appropriate location.”

“And my hair gel? Can’t find that either. Had to pick some up when I was out today. You know I wouldn’t misplace that, yet it’s nowhere to be found.” Anger seeped into his words.

“Maybe you forgot it at the cabin or perhaps it’s beside your bag on the floor.” Fraser replied snippily.

“Whatever, I didn’t forget it and you know it.” Ray crossed his arms defiantly, and stared at the mess on the floor.

Fraser dropped his head back onto the couch and turned towards his partner. “Why are we arguing, Ray?”

Ray hung his head. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to spend our last few days together fighting.”

“Me either. Listen, you sit back and keep ice on your shoulder and I will clean this mess up.” Ray shot a glance at Diefenbaker hiding under the table. “What Dief hasn’t eaten anyway and then we can order a pizza.”

“You know, I was thinking when I got home and unlocked the door. I never used to do that… lock the door. I never felt the need, not until Jimmy invaded our lives.” Fraser locked eyes with his partner. “I don’t want pizza, Ray. That’s why I bought Chinese. Pizza right now reminds me too much of him.”

“What made you think of him all of a sudden?” Panic crept into Ray’s voice. Had Fraser found out somehow about Jimmy’s release?

“Nothing in particular,” Fraser admitted with frown. “My shoulder has been stiff and sore since the flight home and one thought led to another.” He rubbed his shoulder and replaced the ice pack. “There was also weird smell out in the hallway and it made me think of him, but I can’t figure out why. I was hoping I could get a famous Kowalski massage out of you later.”

“Famous huh? Well, I could probably be persuaded to put my hands on you and let them work their magic.” Ray let a grin appear on his face. “But first, back to the food issue. Dief ate all the eggrolls,” Ray wrinkled his nose as he glanced at the spilled food on the floor. “And as clean as this place is, I _am not_ eating off the floor. I can run out and pick up another order.”

Ray took Fraser’s water glass from his hands and refilled it for him. “You still have that headache?”

“It’s not as bad as it was earlier. Thank you for the water.” Fraser reached out to his partner with his good hand, and pulled him close. “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“It’s okay. I’ll try to keep my bag out from under your feet.”

Ben snuck a hand around Ray’s neck and pulled their lips together. The tension from the earlier argument fading quickly.

“Maybe we should just forget the food.” Ray raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner and the corner of his lip turned into a mischievous grin. “Maybe I should just you know, snuggle up on the couch with you.” Ray settled himself, hip to hip with his partner. “I knew you picked out a big couch for a reason. Food can wait, no?”

“I’ve seem to have lost my appetite anyway,” Fraser ran his hand down the length of his partner’s arm. “Well… for _food_ anyway.”

“Oh… I _like_ how you think. Food is so overrated.” Ray stretched out the length of the couch to match Ben and turned on his side, facing him. “We really should take you to at least get your shoulder x-rayed. You fell pretty hard and you’re not even moving it.”

“It will be fine. If it’s not better tomorrow morning, I will go have it looked at.” Ray looked doubtful and Fraser ran a thumb across his lips before kissing them. “I promise.”

The lay together in silence until Fraser’s growling stomach echoed in the quiet room. The Mountie blushed.

“Okay, maybe I am still hungry.”

Ray rubbed his partner’s chest and sat up. “I’ll go get food, you relax.” Ray hopped up off the couch with a youthful energy. “Need anything before I leave? More water? Ice?”

“Both please. And you may want to consider putting on a shirt.” Hearing Diefenbaker whining from under the table, Fraser rolled his eyes. “And could you take Dief out? He obviously has control issues when it comes to what he chooses to eat.”

Dropping a kiss to Fraser’s forehead and handing off the new ice pack and water, Ray headed out the door with Dief for another round of Chinese. Fraser chuckled when he heard Ray scolding the wolf.

“How many times have we had this discussion, Dief? People food is for people, not wolves.” Dief let out a small howl. “Well, doughnuts are different. _Those_ are universal.”

The closing of the door cut Fraser out of the conversation. He leaned his head against the couch, a small headache forming at the base of his skull once again. He downed the glass of water to alleviate the pain and worked himself into a sitting position. The ice had numbed the pain radiating from his shoulder into a dull ache. He carefully rolled his shoulder forward and then backward trying to loosen it up. He was going to live. No need for the emergency room. Ray had been overly concerned about his well-being since he hurt his shoulder in the car accident about a year ago. An accident that was a deliberate attempt to kill Ray, but collected Fraser instead.

He groaned as he stood from the coach and grumbled when he realized Ray never cleaned up the floor. Someone still needed to clean up the mess and a wolf’s tongue was not a satisfactory remedy for the spilled food. Dief had managed to scarf up all the food and soup that had spilled from the containers, leaving only a sticky residue behind.

“He will never learn. One of these days he’s just going to pop.” Fraser kept his left arm tucked close to his side, using his shoulder as little as possible while he managed to clean up the containers and get the floor wiped up, but it cost him. He was sweating and breathing hard and thirsty.

‘Maybe Ray was right about the ER,’ he thought for a moment. I think I will just rest it and see how it is in the morning.’ He filled his glass with water and picked up Ray’s bag as he headed for their bedroom. He could smell the sweaty towels and decided to throw them in the laundry before Ray forgot. He pulled out the offending towel and tossed it quickly into the laundry basket followed by Ray’s socks and shirt. He pushed the boxing gloves to the side looking for Ray’s shorts when his fingers brushed the envelopes Ray had hid earlier. Curious, Fraser pulled them out and scanned the fronts, noticing one was addressed to himself and then he froze when he read the name of the sender.

Fraser stood, motionless, his hands beginning to tremble, his headache moving to the back of his eyes, adding even more tension than what he was already experiencing. Shaky fingers slit the envelope open and he pulled out the neatly folded white letter.

_“Dear Mr. Fraser,_

_The Illinois State Parole Board is sending you this letter to notify you of the release of Jimmy Akers. It is our intention to notify the victim if a prisoner is to be released. Jimmy Akers is scheduled for release on July 7 th. He has been instructed to refrain from any form of contact with you. Doing so would be a violation of his parole. If you have any questions or concerns…”  _

Fraser couldn’t read anymore and sank onto the bed, stunned at the thought of a monster like Jimmy Akers ever being released. It had been less than a year since Jimmy had almost destroyed his life. He held a hand over his mouth. “Oh my God… _please don’t let this be true_.” His shocked turned to anger. Ray had deliberately hidden this from him.

He struggled with the onslaught of memories that were invading his thoughts. His memory flashed to a park bench and a familiar stranger sitting beside him, being taken to a place that was supposed to be safe, Ray’s home, that stranger pretending to be his partner, the funny tasting tea. Fraser was getting nauseous. He remembered being incapacitated by the drugged tea, lying motionless on Ray’s bed, Jimmy kissing his body, popping the button to his jeans. He couldn’t breathe and was beginning to panic at the thought of what Jimmy would have done to him had Ray not shown up to save him.

He had worked so hard to get over what Jimmy had done. Countless sessions with a counselor, both with and without Ray. Fraser lost track of time as he sat on the bed staring blankly at the open letter he still held in his hand. He looked at the date again of Jimmy’s release and swallowed the bile that was rising up and burning his throat. Jimmy had been released while he and Ray were vacationing in Canada. How long had Ray known? How long had he kept the letter hidden from him? Did he know before they left? Was that why he suggested the vacation? Fraser had too many questions for his lover. And now Ray was leaving for an undercover assignment. Leaving him to contend with this all alone. No more duet, no more partnership. A solo act once again.

Unable to withstand anymore, Fraser rushed to the bathroom, heaving until he was empty. Rinsing and wiping his mouth, he slowly made his way back to the bedroom and picked up the letter he dropped on the floor. He sank onto the bed again and drew his knees to his chest and waited. Waited for Ray’s key to click in the lock, waited for the shocked expression he knew he would see once he held up the offending letter, waited for his partner to explain himself… waited for the wrongs to be made right again.

 


	4. Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life has been getting in the way of writing... I apologize for the long delay. Thank you for your patience, enjoy...

~*~

“Frase, I’m home.” Ray scanned the living room quickly, looking for his partner. “Where are you?” He noticed the clean floor and mentally scolded himself for neglecting to clean it up and leaving it to Fraser. Placing the bag of Chinese food on the kitchen counter, he dug through it until he located the eggrolls. His stomach growled when the aroma of the food entered his nose. He closed his eyes, savoring the first quick bite. “Ben?” he called again, glancing through the apartment. “Sorry it took so long,” he told the silent room. “We had an uh… _issue._ Didn’t we fur-face?” The wolf whined at his feet. “No,” Ray shook his finger in Dief’s line of sight. “You, my friend, are officially cut off from people food. Go eat your kibble.”

Fraser heard Ray and Diefenbaker in the living room and remained motionless on the bed. The offending letter still gripped firmly in his sweaty fingers. He was pale and shaking, beads of sweat dotting his forehead. He felt as if he could throw up again, but knew there was nothing left.

“Ben? You know your wolf has some issues we may need to start addressing,” Ray said as he made his way through the apartment. He appeared in the doorway of the bedroom, his keys dangled from one hand as he bit into the eggroll. He took one look at Fraser and was instantly concerned. “Hey, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Ray noticed the sweat glistening on Fraser’s forehead and his trembling body and made an instant decision.  “That’s it. I’m taking you to the hospital.” He was halfway to Fraser and stopped his advancement when Fraser held up the letter.

“When were you going to tell me?” Fraser’s voice was quiet, barely above a whisper and devoid of all emotion.

“Fuck…” Ray was at a loss for words. “Ben… I was, honest.”

“When, Ray?” Anger seeped into his words. “When he showed up on _our_ doorstep with a pizza?”

“No, Ben… I…” Ray paused, unsure how to explain himself. His earlier idea of hiding the letter from his partner shattered the bond of trust they shared. Ray instantly hated himself. “What were you doing in my bag anyway?” he asked defensively.  

“Trying to clean up after you, like always. I have to do everything around here to keep things in order. You said you were going to clean up the floor, but no… I ended up doing it myself.”

“I got distracted, Ben…”

Fraser huffed as he stood forcefully. “Distracted? There was a slimy mess all over the floor. How could you be distracted from that? You had to walk over it to leave.”

“Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be?” Ray folded his arms and stood his ground as Fraser inched closer. “Now you have to pick up after me?”

“That’s how _it is_. The bread crumbs on the counter top, the toothpaste in the sink, your socks littering the floor.” Fraser poked a finger into his partner’s chest. “I just never saw it before. I’ve been blinded by what I thought was a _partnership_.” Fraser added emphasis on the last word.

“Why does everything have to be ‘ _your way’_?” Ray pushed back. “What’s wrong with ‘ _my way’_?”

“Because ‘ _my way’_ makes sense.” Venom filled Fraser’s rising voice. Ray took a step backwards. Fraser had never come at him like this before with such animosity. “’ _Your way’_ … ‘your way’ leads to smelly towels and gym bags where they shouldn’t be and chow Mein all over the floor. And let’s not forget about _me_ almost breaking my neck.” Fraser hesitated as a thought struck him. What if Ray had done it deliberately? Left his bag where he knew he would trip over it.

“I was going to tell you, Ben.” Ray tried to keep his voice calm. He needed to diffuse his angry partner soon before one of them said something they would regret and couldn’t take back.

“You were going to tell me? Before or after you went undercover?” Fraser didn’t try to hide the anger he was feeling. He fought with his inner demons. Maybe Ray was trying to keep him weak and helpless. Maybe that was how Ray dealt with feeling needed.  Maybe it was all a game Ray was playing with him, toying with his vulnerability. He mentally scolded himself. ‘No, Ray loves me, he wouldn’t hurt me. Or was this his way of controlling me? No! Ray wouldn’t do that… we’re partners, a duet. Dear Lord, what is wrong with me? I know he loves me.’

Ray was quiet, processing Fraser’s outburst and digging for an explanation within himself. “I don’t know…”

“You don’t know?” Fraser asked angrily. “You didn’t think it was important that I knew? How do think I would have felt if you’d waited nearly a month to tell me? What if I ran into him on the street, Ray? How do you think I would have reacted?” Fraser paused and studied his partner closely. “How long have you known about this, Ray? Did you know before we went to the cabin? Is that why you suggested the trip?”

“No… I didn’t know. I just…” Ray stammered, unable to form a coherent thought around Fraser’s venom.

Fraser cut him off abruptly. “That man has been walking around free for weeks and you never told me.” Fraser’s enraged voice startled Ray. “I still wouldn’t have known had I not gotten rid of your smelly towel. I want to know _why_? Why did you hide this from me?” Fraser was fuming and volatile, pushing his finger once again into Ray’s chest.

Ray took a step forward, becoming irate himself.

Another notion entered Fraser’s mind when Ray stepped into _his_ personal space. ‘What if Jimmy and Ray are in this together? They used to be good friends. What if they were working together to hurt me? _NO_!’ “Why would you keep something like this from me? I thought we were in this together, Ray. No secrets.” Hurt now replaced anger and Fraser searched his partner’s blue eyes for any form of explanation.

“God, Fraser… shut up and let me try and explain.”

“Alright then… I’m all ears.” Fraser took two steps back and sank onto the king sized bed behind him. He flinched, gingerly rubbing the forgotten ache out of his shoulder.

“I didn’t want you to worry about Jimmy knowing that I wasn’t going to be around to protect you.” Ray began to justify his actions.

“You don’t think I’m capable of protecting myself? Well I am. Thank you kindly.” Sarcasm dripped from Fraser’s words.

“Come on Ben, quit being so fucking literal. You know what I mean. I care about you and I know what that asshole tried to do to you.” Ray reached a hand out to Fraser. “I didn’t know until I got the mail today. That’s when I found out he’s been released. I… I don’t know, I freaked, okay?” Turning on his heels, he tossed his keys onto the top of his dresser. They bounced off the rim of the bowl he was aiming for and fell behind the dresser. Ray turned his attention back to a very silent, yet angry Fraser. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and began pacing in front of the bed. “I wasn’t sure how to deal with it.” Stopping, he turned to face Fraser. “I didn’t know how you would deal with it. So, I chose to not tell you.” Ray reached his arms out, attempting to pull Fraser close but was met with resistance. He was taken aback. Ben had never denied his touch before. “I’m sorry, it was wrong to hide it from you.” Lowering his head, he quietly added, “I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. Maybe it’s because I’m scared… scared of the memories it will bring back that we worked so hard to get rid of. Maybe if I hid it, it wouldn’t be true.” Ray stepped closer to his partner and touched his face carefully. “Ben, I didn’t do it to hurt you. You gotta believe that, after everything we’ve been through together.”

Some of Fraser’s built up frustration and anger dissipated with Ray’s gentle touch. He leaned into the smooth hand on his face as Ray’s slender fingers brushed his cheekbone.

“Why are you sweating? Are you hurting? It’s your shoulder isn’t it?” Ray asked concerned for his partner.

“I’m fine. Forget about my shoulder.” Fraser’s closed his eyes, drawing in Ray’s warmth.

“Take a look at yourself, you’re not fine. God between you and Dief the last two days, I think I may be the only sane one. Fine my ass,” he muttered, withdrawing his hand. He turned towards the dresser to locate his fallen keys.

“Ray…” Fraser’s ice blue eyes popped open. The words he had been forming on his lips disappeared and the only word he could remember was Ray’s last one _‘ass’_. He looked at his partner’s body as he felt lust well up within him. All other thoughts and feelings were blocked by a pure, overwhelming desire. Fraser suddenly laughed, “And what a fine ass it is,” his demeanor flipped instantly from angry to flirtatious. He cocked his head, stealing a glance at Ray’s backside.

Ray dropped his keys into the bowl on his dresser and spun around. “What is _wrong_ with you? You were just about to rip my head off a few seconds ago. Were you not just yelling at me for not telling you about Jimmy?” Ray was completely confused by Fraser’s change in behavior.

“I know, I… why are we fighting again?” Fraser reached his right arm out to Ray. “Come here. Because…” Fraser hesitated and stared at his partner, his eyes clouded over with desire.

“Because… _what_ , Frase?” Ray eyed his lover suspiciously on their bed. He noted Fraser’s bulge in his jeans that he was not working on concealing. “Ben, you’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” Fraser asked innocently.

“Trying to distract me…” Ray felt his pulse quicken at Fraser’s touch. “God… and it works every time.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Fraser expressed again, gripping Ray’s hips firmly on either side.

“You do this when you want to avoid the elephant in the room. You distract me with sex. I know it’s hard to face the fact that that asshole is out of jail and there’s nothing we can do about it. But ignoring it doesn’t just make him go away either. He crossed the line in a major way.” Ray shivered at Fraser’s intimate touch. “God stop with your hands. I’m trying to talk to you here.”

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in fear of him.” Fraser dropped his head backwards, exposing his neck. “Why are we still focusing on Jimmy? I’d much rather focus on us. You go do your assignment and then you come home.”

“And what if he tries something and I’m not here?” Ray asked trying to resist the urge to attach his lips to Fraser’s neck.

“I can look after myself, Ray. I am a trained police officer as you well know. I know what he is capable of and I won’t let my guard down.”

“You’re also too forgiving.”

“He tried to kill you, I _won’t_ forgive that. _But…_ I will forgive _you_ for not telling me about the letter. Ray, I don’t want to talk about Jimmy anymore. I want to…” Fraser ignored the tight pull of muscles in his shoulder and drew Ray’s slender body closer.

Ray’s head fell forward when soft lips and warm breath met his stomach. He drew in a ragged breath when Fraser fingered the button to his jeans. “Ben…” Ray’s breathing quickened as he laced his fingers around the back of his partner’s head, holding him close.

“Yes, Ray?” Fraser dropped a kiss to Ray’s groin.

“Ben… come on. You’re hurt.”

“I’ll let you do all the work.” Fraser whispered as he lifted Ray’s shirt and pressed kisses around his naval.

“Fuck…” He tossed the forgotten eggroll in Dief’s direction.

“Please…”

“How can you go from being angry to horny in a nano-second?”

“I don’t know. You have that effect on me.”

“Freak.”

“ _Your_ freak.” Fraser leaned back on the bed, pulling Ray down with him.

“Just promise me you will be careful and you will keep your eyes open for Jimmy lurking around.” Ray said through broken kisses.

“I will. I’m not made of glass. I won’t break. Now… come on, where were we?”

“I believe we were about to fuck.” Ray slid his hands down Fraser’s sides and squeezed his hip on the way to the button of his jeans. “I’m going to fuck you, Ben.” He closed his eyes and began kissing Fraser’s lips, leaving love bites along the way to his collarbone.

As Ray’s hands touched him firmly and took control of his body, Fraser suddenly felt panicked. This had happened before, _with_ … he frantically tried to get his thoughts clear but couldn’t get his brain or body free. His police training went into autopilot as his fist drew back, seemingly of its own accord… and struck his attacker.

In a split second, Ray found himself lying flat on his back on the floor of their bedroom, stars dancing in his vision. He ran his fingers down his jawline checking for signs of damage. He shook his head and worked himself up on his elbows.

“ _What the fuck is wrong with you_? You want to tell me what _that_ was all about?” He sat up further and worked his jaw sideways, eyeing his partner on the bed cautiously. “What the hell is going on with you and the wolf?”

Fraser stared back at him with a fearful expression on his face. His eyes were unfocused and lost.

“Ben,” Ray stood up slowly but remained rooted where he hit the floor. “What’s going on?” There was no reaction from his partner. “ _Ben_ ,” he raised his voice, this time Fraser’s eyes shifted from side to side, and then focused.

“What happened?” Fraser appeared confused and disorientated.

“That’s what I’d like to know. I’m kissing you and the next thing I know, I’m flat on my ass on the floor. If you didn’t want to have sex, why the hell where you initiating things? No need to beat the hell out of me.”

“I hit you?” Fraser was shocked at the accusation.

“I didn’t just fall on the floor by myself.”

“God, Ray. I’m sorry, I don’t know…” Fraser looked around the room and then back to his partner. “It was Jimmy.”

“Excuse me?”

“What you said… how you kissed me.”

Ray held his hand up. “Whoa, what are you talking about? What did he do to you?”

“I don’t know, I don’t remember everything.”

“Something I did triggered a memory of him.”

“You bit my lip.” Running a finger over his lips, Fraser closed his eyes against the memory of Jimmy lying on top of him, kissing him, biting at his lips in the process.

“I bite your lips all the time and you’ve never reacted like that before.”

Fraser scrubbed his hands over his face. “It’s also what you said. He said the same thing to me before… before you showed up and saved me.” He reached his hand out to Ray who was immediately by his side. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. But it was like suddenly I was back on your bed, trapped beneath him… unable to move and I couldn’t get free…and I finally had the strength to get him off me.”

“I should have killed the bastard when I had the chance.”

“You saved me, that’s all that matters. I haven’t thought of him for a long time and I guess knowing that he’s out of prison and free to come and go as he pleases has me unsettled.”

“It has to be some form of screw up. He got thirty five years, why would they let him out now?”

“I’d rather just put it behind us. If he’s out legally, which it appears that he is, then there’s nothing we can do about it. I can’t let that scare me.”

“I ever tell you how brave you are?”

Fraser shook his head. “I’m not brave.”

“Yes you are. Let me call Welsh and have him assign someone else, Ben. I think I need to be home right now, with you… not hours away.”

“No, don’t please. Don’t let this get in the way of your duty. I just… the letter was just a shock. And I reacted badly.”

“Tell me about it. I beat the hell out of a punching bag at the gym.” Ray rubbed at his bruised hand. Dief’s underlying bite wasn’t helping the ache from sparring at the gym.

Fraser took Ray’s bandaged hand and kissed it lightly. “Yes, I can imagine. I don’t know why I feel so… it’s an aberration, Ray. I’ll feel better in the morning.”

“An _aberr what_?” His eyes crinkled as a smile replaced the concerned frown.

Fraser grinned at his partner’s perplexed expression over his word choice. “An anomaly, a deviation to my normal behavior. I’m sorry, I’ll try to not panic again.”

“Can’t you use words I can understand without requiring me to pull out the dictionary?”

“There’s nothing wrong with using a dictionary once in a blue moon, Ray.”

“Too bad I can’t find it in all your organized books out there.” Fraser tilted his head wondering where the book would be just as Ray pushed a hand into his chest stopping him from getting up and looking. “I’m just messing with you, Ben. It’s right where you left it. You know I don’t use that thing.” Fraser relaxed under Ray’s strong hands. Ray grew serious again. “You forgive me, for not telling you about the letter? You understand I didn’t know how, right?”

“Yes, I forgive you. You forgive my reaction?”

“Absolutely.” Ray ran a hand down Ben’s cheek. “You sure you’re okay? You’re still sweaty and kinda shaky.”

“I…” Fraser shook his head, not quite sure. “Yes, I’m okay. I think. I do feel a bit odd, but it’s probably stress. I’ll sleep it off and feel right as rain in the morning.”

“If it’s any consolation, I got the headache the size of Canada.” Ray rubbed at his temples and pulled on his blonde spikes to relieve the pressure.

“Are you properly hydrated?”

Fraser’s question was sincere and Ray couldn’t help but be consumed by Fraser’s concern for him when he was struggling himself. “No, don’t even start with your natural cure-alls. I don’t want any of your tap water.”

“Milk then, perhaps some juice,” Fraser offered an alternative.

“Coffee.”

“Caffeine _gives_ you headaches, Ray, and it will keep you up all night.”

“Fine, sex then.”

Fraser was hesitant to agree. “Oh…”

“I’ve read,” Ray slapped his partner’s arm playfully when he raised his eyebrows suspiciously. “Yes, Frase, I read things too. I’ve read that sex is often used as a headache reliever.”

“The endorphins released certainly help relieve pain. It might be good for my shoulder.” Ray rubbed Fraser’s shoulder with strong fingers. “Or just a famous Kowalski massage will do the trick.” Fraser sighed and let Ray work his magic.

“Better than any bottle of Tylenol, huh? Promise you’re not going to knock me on my ass again?” Ray asked hesitantly.

“Yes, God I’m so sorry.  Help me forget him tonight, Ray.” Fraser pulled Ray close and lightly kissed his lips. “Let’s make some new memories.”

“Let me throw the food in the fridge and I’m all yours.”

~*~

Ray woke up with a throbbing in his shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut and rolled onto his other side, trying to ease the pain. He had dislocated his shoulder several months before while attempting to keep Fraser from falling off what he thought was a cliff. Turned out to be a drop of only ten feet. Nothing that would kill you, but Ray didn’t know that at the time. He was eternally grateful for the Vicodin his doctor had prescribed. His shoulder had bothered him occasionally since the incident and he couldn’t fathom the pain Ben had endured when he broke his arm in the accident a year ago. Ray shuddered at the thought of the metal rod that was now a permanent fixture in Fraser’s upper arm. He had only seen him take his prescribed pain meds a few times and even then someone had to practically force them down his throat.

Ray groaned into his pillow, hoping not to wake up Fraser. He didn’t tell Ben he had hurt himself when he was knocked to the floor and their nocturnal shenanigans later had left him with a few more aches than he cared to admit, even to himself. Ray suddenly felt old. He swept a hand across his eyes, dislodging the sleep, and opened them slowly. Ray allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkened room as he lay still in bed, rubbing at his shoulder. Even in the dark, he could see Fraser’s side of the bed was empty.

Deciding he needed something for his shoulder, he flung his legs over the edge of the bed. The ache in his shoulder was more prominent now that he was moving and he let out a small groan. He made it to the bathroom without turning on any lights or tripping over anything for that matter. Rummaging through drawers and cupboards, he cursed when he couldn’t find the bottle of Vicodin. Ray located the bottle of Tylenol and popped two into his mouth, swallowing them dry. He didn’t like Fraser’s tap water, even if it was just to swallow a couple of pills.

He made his way through the darkened apartment and found Fraser asleep on the couch. An icepack had slid down his injured shoulder and was resting in the crook of his arm. Fraser was hurt more than he was letting on and Ray couldn’t help but feel it was his fault. First he had rammed Fraser’s shoulder into the cabin door jamb, then Ben had fallen over his bag. He picked the icepack up and placed it back on Fraser’s shoulder. A warm smile spread across his face. Ben meant the world to him. He pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and covered Fraser with it before heading back to bed himself.

When Ray woke up again, he was wrapped in Fraser’s arms. When Ben had come back to bed, he wasn’t sure. But with Ben’s arms wrapped around him, he felt somewhat forgiven. He burrowed closer to the warm body next to him and let Fraser’s strong heart beat lull him back to sleep.

~*~

Morning found Ray hovering over the coffee pot and Fraser busy in the bathroom getting ready for work. Ray was to leave in two days and Inspector Thatcher had Fraser booked solid at the Consulate, preparing to take over while she was on her own vacation. Ray was less than pleased. He wanted to spend the next two days working with his partner, but the Ice Queen out ranked him when it came to Fraser’s schedule. He was sulking by the coffee pot when two red clad arms snuck around his waist.

“Good morning, Ray.” Fraser nuzzled the crook of Ray’s neck.

“I still don’t understand why you can’t spend part of the day with me.” Ray sulked.

Fraser dropped a kiss to the back of Ray’s neck and sighed. “Must we really go over this again? She’s my boss, Ray. One of these days, you are going to have to accept that as fact and just get over it. May I have a cup of coffee please or are you guarding it for a particular reason?”

“Aren’t we a little grouchy this morning?” Ray poured Fraser a cup and handed it over.

“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” Fraser countered. “I’m sorry. I admit to being slightly irritable. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Yeah, me either. Your shoulder bothering you?” Ray stirred some chocolate into his own coffee and waited for Ben to answer.

Fraser shook his head. “No, it is feeling much better this morning. Why couldn’t you sleep?”

“Oh… well,” Ray tugged on his ear and averted his eyes. “I uh… I dreamt of Turnbull and Thatcher doing the nasty.”

“Ray!” Fraser exclaimed, almost spitting his coffee on Ray. He squeezed his eyes shut against the visual. “That’s… that’s,” Fraser paused and searched his unlimited vocabulary. “Well, that’s just…”

“All kinds of wrong, I know. I think I threw up in my mouth when I woke up.” Ray made a gagging noise and shook his head against the memory. “You want some toast?”

“I would appreciate that, thank you. I can’t seem to shake this headache.”

Ray filled a glass of water and gave it to Ben. “Here, nature’s own cure all.”

Fraser smiled at his partner’s gesture. “Thank you, Ray.” He took two swallows and stared at his partner still fuming over Inspector Thatcher’s decision to keep him busy all day. He pulled Ray into his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

“Hmmm,” Ray thought with a smirk. “Not since last night.” He returned the kiss and then drew his head back a few inches. “She knows I’m leaving for a few weeks, right? So why not let me have you for the next two days?”

“Ray, it will be good that the Inspector is going to be gone. It will give me extra work to focus on and help keep me from going stir crazy with you being away.”

“Don’t tell me she did it as a way of looking out for you because I don’t buy that for one minute.”

“If you’re hinting that she is trying to keep us separated, I won’t deny that the thought crossed my mind. But we will have our evenings together and you should be focused on learning your assignment anyway. What did you tell me? Three weeks…”

“You won’t even miss me…” Ray lied with a crooked smile as he stole another kiss.

“More than you will ever know.” Fraser returned the kiss and motioned for the door. “We should get going, or we both will be late. Diefenbaker, are you coming along today or are you sulking as well?”

The wolf barked in response and went and hid under the bed.

“I guess that means he’s staying. He doesn’t like the Ice Queen either.” Ray smirked. “Can’t say that I blame him.”

“She does take some getting used to.” Fraser added with a tug of a smile.

The two men stepped out into the hallway and pulled the door closed behind them. Fraser paused as he smelled the air around him.

“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost all of a sudden.” Ray was busy locking the door and didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.

“I don’t know. There’s a smell that I can’t place. I smelled it yesterday when I came home as well, but I can’t figure out why it’s bothering me.”

Ray shrugged his shoulders. “You can smell that but not the stinky guy on the plane?”

Halfway down the stairs, Fraser took hold of Ray’s elbow, pulling him to a stop. “You don’t think Jimmy’s been here do you?” He looked around anxiously. “He smoked cigarettes, that’s the smell in the hallway, Ray.”

“Ben, come on. Lots of people smoke those cigarettes. The guy two doors down from us with the strange girlfriend, he smokes them. I’m sure it’s coming from his place. You’re just paranoid now that we know he’s out.”

They descended the stairs and stepped out into the morning sunshine. Fraser squinted and rubbed his forehead.

“You know, Ben. Maybe you should go see a doctor. You’ve had a headache for the past three days. That’s not normal for anyone, especially you.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m fairly certain it is all stress related.” He placed his Stetson firmly on his head and opened the car door.

Ray rubbed his chin. “Really? Maybe a meeting with Dr. Orn then. With Jimmy’s release, it’s probably not a bad idea to talk with the counselor. You know you can talk to me too, right?”

“No, I just need to focus on work and I will be okay. And of course I know I can talk to you.” Fraser gave his partner a reassuring smile. “I suppose one session wouldn’t hurt. I’m sure Diefenbaker will be all ears later to listen to me if I need to talk while you are gone as well. Your leaving is having a profound effect on him as well. He’s more irritable than I am.”

“That’s a good idea.” Ray looked away and covered his eyes with his sunglasses. “You know, especially after last night. You want me to come with you? To a session with Dr. Orn? I can rearrange my afternoon, I’m sure Welsh will understand.”

“No, it’s okay. There’s no need for you to change your schedule. Come on or we are going to be late.”

“Oh yeah, wouldn’t want the Ice Queen mad at me.”

“As if that is something new, Ray?”

“Gotta be a smart ass.” Ray grumbled as he slid into the driver’s seat and fired up the engine.

~*~

For the next two days, things were tense between Ben and Ray, as Ray prepared for his undercover role and Ben tried to bury himself in work. At times, Ray felt as if they were two ships passing in the night. Whenever Ray was about to steal a free moment with Fraser, the Ice Queen engaged him in yet another pointless meeting. Ray often found himself left standing alone and frustrated in the entry way to the Consulate. Turnbull would offer him an apologetic smile and then a freshly baked scone. God, he hated the Ice Queen.

Finally, on the last night before Ray was to leave, the tension became too much. After a quiet dinner with few words exchanged between the couple, Ray broke the dam of silence that had been building between them.

“I’m sick of this,” Ray uttered as he pushed his chair back and tossed his dinner plate in the sink. The clattering startled Fraser and Ray grinned smugly. Finally, something to draw his partner’s attention away from paperwork. “We’ve hardly seen each other, meeting after fucking meeting. God, all I want to do is spend some time with you and…”

“I know how you feel, Ray.” Fraser gave him a quick glance and returned his attention back to the stack of papers before him.

“You do? _Really?_ ‘Cause you sure as hell ain’t been showing it.” Ray folded his arms and leaned heavily against the sink.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been finding myself somewhat consumed these past few days.” Fraser pushed the lasagna around on his plate that Ma Vecchio had prepared for them while he flipped through the stack of papers. He continued on without looking at his partner. “Inspector Thatcher left me a mountain of paperwork that needs to be sorted through. You would think with the way she is constantly after Constable Turnbull and myself to complete our paperwork on time, she would be leading by better example.”

“Well could you maybe _focus_ a little? I leave tomorrow morning, Ben. You think I really want to hear about Thatcher and her unfinished paperwork?” Ray stared at the side of his partner’s face and threw his hands up in the air in frustration when he got no response. He walked past Fraser still seated at the table and with a swift motion of his left hand, cleared the second stack of papers stacked neatly beside the pile Fraser was sorting through. “I fucking hate the Ice Queen.” Ray didn’t bother looking over his shoulder as the papers fluttered to the floor and he stormed off towards their bedroom.

Fraser sat in stunned silence as he watched his partner’s retreating form. He pushed his chair back and started the slow process of arranging the papers as he picked them up off the floor, muttering to himself.

“You ever stop to think that maybe _I_ need some reassurances that things will be okay?” Ray yelled from the bedroom. “Instead you’re in there fiddling with the Ice Queen’s fucking paperwork. Something she should have finished herself.” Ray pulled his bag out of the closet and began shoving clean jeans into the opening. “Bet your vacation forms are in that stack somewhere. Hey, here’s a thought… you can approve your own fucking time off.”

Fraser dropped his head and sighed. Regardless of how distracted he was feeling, this was not the way he wanted to spend his last evening with Ray. He placed the papers onto the table and made his way to the bedroom. He leaned against the door frame, shifted his weight to his other side and studied his partner throwing clothing in a bag. “I’m sorry, Ray. I apologize for being distracted. Although, there was no need to throw my papers on the floor.” He rubbed a knuckle across his eyebrow and moved to tug at his ear.

Ray turned and shot daggers in Fraser’s direction. “Yeah, except they’re not _your_ papers, are they?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong. I can’t seem to concentrate…”

“Well, _try_ … dammit.” Ray stuffed a few shirts into his bag and went to his dresser to retrieve some boxers, clearly frustrated.

“I _was_ trying. I find it soothing to do paperwork when I am… _distracted_.” Fraser looked momentarily puzzled. He shook his head attempting to clear his thoughts. “And I’m feeling very distracted right now…”

“Well, what’s it going to take to get your undivided attention? I need you tonight, Ben.” Ray paused before he shoved another pair of socks into his bag.

“Perhaps we could close the windows. I’m finding the birds to be somewhat of a nuisance.”

Ray snorted, breaking the mounting tension in the room. “You? Find the birds a nuisance? Fraser, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” he rubbed his temples with both hands and cracked his neck. “Everything’s very loud right now. Do you think you could refrain from shouting at me? I seem to have yet another headache.” Fraser stretched his shoulders and kneaded the back of his neck with his strong fingers. “Ever since we’ve been home, I’ve been out of sorts. And I apologize that I’m not handling things as well as I should be.”

Ray dropped his half packed bag to the floor and sank to the bed. “Yeah, I haven’t exactly been helpful cutting down on the stress level either, with dropping the undercover bombshell on you and then you hurt yourself tripping over my stupid bag and the letter about Jimmy. I’m sorry too, for not making it easier. It’s just…” Ray paused, watching Fraser intently. “It’s all too much, Ben. Jimmy… the Ice Queen leaving all her shit for you to finish. God, why can’t we just have two moments of peace to be together.”

Fraser worked his way slowly towards his partner. He sank beside Ray on their king sized bed and turned his body so they were facing one another. He captured Ray’s face in the palms of his hands and leaned forward and kissed him slowly. Breaking for air, he leaned his forehead against Ray’s and closed his eyes. “No one ever said life would be easy, Ray.” He opened his eyes and met his partner’s gaze.  “But it is easier with you and much more eventful.”

“Liar…” A tear escaped Ray’s moistened eyes and Fraser brushed it away with his thumb.

“I never lie, Ray. Not about important things. And never about you.” Fraser kissed him again and Ray melted in his embrace.

“Ben…” Ray’s voice faded. “I’m scared.”

“I know… I’ve got you, Ray. You are my sole focus tonight.”

~*~

 

 

 


	5. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the extremely long delay. Between real life and fulfilling my seekrit santa assignment, this story has taken a spot on the back burner. Hopefully, I can get the ball rolling again and have much more frequent updates for you all that are still following. Enjoy...

Jimmy Akers leaned back on the wooden bar stool and ran his rough palms over the counter top in front of him. A devious smile spread across his handsome face. Benton Fraser had mistaken him for Ray Kowalski the morning he was making waffles in Ray’s kitchen and Jimmy had been fascinated with him ever since. Really, from the first moment he laid eyes on him when he showed up at Ray’s apartment almost a year ago, looking for a place to stay. Shaking Fraser’s hand, he knew he wanted him. And he was going to get him… no matter how long it took or what path he had to take to get there. Benton Fraser was going to end up in his arms and not Ray Kowalski’s.

He passed the plastic bottle back and forth between his two hands, fingering its smoothness as it hesitated in each hand. With each pass, the smirk grew. There were countless ways to get what you wanted. His meticulous planning was slowly paying off. It certainly helped to know someone who knew someone who had a thing against Benton Fraser and Ray Kowalski. Help came from an unlikely source, someone with a lot of pull, someone with a lot of knowledge of Ray Kowalski and his habits. Someone who could get things done and make things happen. Someone who would get what they wanted and he could get what he wanted… _Benton Fraser_. And for a crook like Jimmy, it helped to have some dishonest people on your side. He toyed with the bottle again. Vicodin, a drug addicts friend. He didn’t need to find a supplier once he was out of prison, they practically fell into his lap.

Jimmy pushed the butt of his cigarette into the ash tray before him and a swirl of smoke filled the air. He swiveled on the barstool and took in his surroundings. It was perfect. A far cry from the cement walls of the cell he occupied for almost a year. He pulled a fresh pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and tapped it on the bar top. He wasn’t sure why smokers did this, but he had picked up on the habit back in the day when he was trying to be in with the cool crowd and the habit stuck. He and Ray had been smoking, drinking and partying buddies, much to the dismay of Ray’s parents. Jimmy’s mom could care less. She had her own filthy habits and as long as Jimmy wasn’t around to bother her, she didn’t care what he did. 

But then Ray had Stella on his arm and things changed. The partying stopped, the drinking buddy was gone and all he ever saw of Ray was at the side of Stella walking away from him. So Jimmy did his own thing for a few years. Became his own man, made some new friends and got into more trouble than he ever did with Ray Kowalski. Then one day, he decided he wanted back into his old friend’s life. He had a thing for Stella way back then, and couldn’t resist the urge to hit on her. And she would never admit it to Ray, but Stella had a thing for Jimmy as well. Bad boy image and all. Jimmy passed the brown opaque bottle to his other hand and his smirk grew even wider.

A knock at the door drew his attention away from the small bottle of pills. He placed the bottle on the counter and tapped a cigarette out of the pack and lit it with a slow drawn in breath. He blew a puff of smoke into the air and it swirled above his head towards the ceiling. With a downward glance to his watch, he let out a low chuckle. 

“My guests are early.”

Jimmy stood and made his way to the door deliberately slow. The knocking continued to grow louder with each footstep. When he opened the door, two sets of raised knuckles were about to rap the wooden door again.

“Welcome… the party’s just getting started.”

~*~

The aroma of stale cigarettes assaulted Ray Kowalski’s nose the moment he unlocked and pushed open the door to his temporary apartment. He stood in the hallway and stared into the opening that was to be his life for the next few weeks and he resisted every urge in his body to bolt. He crossed the threshold with a deep breath, sealing his fate. 

It was small, too fucking small. As he stood in what he assumed to be the kitchen, the walls seemed to close in around him. Or maybe it was the peeling wall paper and the warped paneling covering the various walls. Undercover worked sucked. The shag carpet that Ray was one hundred percent certain used to be a vibrant orange was now a combination of rust and brown and covered in horrid looking stains. Ray was not about to take his shoes off and walk barefoot on this carpet. Someone, who was more of a slob than he used to be before he moved in with Fraser, used to live here and obviously didn’t care too much about keeping things neat and tidy. Ray wrinkled his nose. They could have found him a cleaner place to stay. A small smile played on his lips as he heard Fraser’s words echo in his ears…

“ _This is a prime example of why one should be neat and tidy.”_ He couldn’t agree more.

Ray found the bedroom and cringed. Throwing his packed bag on the poor excuse for a bed, he grumbled a curse at the size of it. Not much bigger than the small standard issue cot Fraser used to sleep on in his office. How was he going to manage sleeping on that thing? A twin mattress. He was used to hogging the king sized bed he shared with Ben.

“Who the hell sleeps on a twin mattress anymore?” he asked the empty room. The blond detective dropped himself down beside his bag and cursed again when he realized he had forgotten his pillow at home. If he hadn’t spent half the night arguing with Fraser and the other half making up with him… well, he probably would have remembered the damn thing.

He rubbed the weariness from his face and thought back to the missing bottle of Vicodin. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if Ben hadn’t taken them to deal with the pain in his own shoulder. Fraser had hurt it worse than he was willing to let on but then he had told him all those months ago that Vicodin did nothing for him. Ray was confused and angry at Fraser. Once again, he was clamming up and not letting Ray know what was bothering him. Ray thought they had gotten past that part of their relationship, where Ben kept everything bottled up. Obviously not.

 

Fraser’s behavior over the few days since they had come home from the cabin had thrown Ray for a loop. It was erratic and unpredictable. Nothing like the buttoned up Mountie or the relaxed Ben when he and Ray were alone. No, something was off with him but Ray couldn’t place it. His thoughts returned to the missing bottle of pills. It certainly would explain Fraser’s mood swings and irritable behavior if he had been sneaking them behind Ray’s back. Ray was fairly certain Fraser had a horrendous aching shoulder yesterday morning. That could have very well been the reason for his mood. But that still didn’t explain where the missing bottle went.

After a round of make-up sex followed by a round of “I don’t want to leave you’ sex last night, Ray had fallen asleep in Ben’s arms. Practically kept himself glued to Fraser’s side all night. He needed to touch him, to hear him breathe, feel Ben’s breath on his neck. In part, to reassure himself that Ben was going to be okay without him for a few weeks. He needed to feel connected for as long as he could. In return, Fraser never moved all night, just held Ray tightly.

He was tired, he suddenly realized… and hungry. By the time they arrived in Bremen, Indiana and Ray had been briefed on the company’s expectations of him, he was ready to call it a day. Pushing his bag to the end of the bed, he stood and made his way to the small kitchenette. Not even enough room for a kitchen table, just a short breakfast bar with two flimsy metal stools. Ray closed the short distance to the refrigerator, rubbing the ache out of his shoulder. Pulling the door open, he half expected it to be full of rotting food. He let out a small snort, amazed.  It was the cleanest thing in the place, and that was saying something. It was stocked with milk, eggs, bread, cheese and the much needed coffee. At least he had the basics and wasn’t likely to starve before he could find an actual grocery store. 

Ray grabbed for the can of coffee and scanned the room for a coffee pot. Nestled on the counter next to an antique looking toaster his grandmother would have owned was an equally old looking coffee pot and he said a silent prayer the thing actually worked. If it didn’t, he told himself he was out of there and heading back home.

Coffee pot prepped and brewing, he fished his phone out of his pocket. Flipping it open, he was hoping for at least one missed call. There were none. Fraser knew better than to call him. No, Ben would wait for Ray to make contact first, when he knew it would be safe. Ray just wished he would have anyway. Ray poured himself a cup of coffee and muttered another curse when he realized he had no M&M’s for it. He would really have to find something that resembled a store if he was going to survive this assignment. He mentally kicked himself for not being more prepared. 

Ray leaned against the rickety looking breakfast bar and let out a long sigh… maybe he would just go to bed and try to get plenty of sleep. The wire company worked twelve hour shifts and he was bound to be exhausted by the end of the day. Sure, he and Fraser put in long hours, but it was a different kind of work. Anyone that had ever worked in a factory knew how hard you worked and it was all physical. Sore muscles he knew he could deal with, that eventually went away. He wasn’t sure how he would fare not having Fraser at his back. It was the first time in almost two years that his duet with Fraser had been turned into a solo act.

Ray set his few toiletries on the small cracked ceramic bathroom counter. He pulled his toothbrush out of the plastic protective sleeve and began brushing his teeth. Ray tried to shake the emerging memory away, but it remained. He stopped, gripped the countertop tightly and remembered the last time he and Ben were in the bathroom together. 

_Covered in nothing but a towel, water dripping down his chest, Ray could sense Fraser’s intense blue eyes staring at him from behind._

_“You’re gawking,” he teased as Ben moved in behind him, wrapping his strong arms around Ray’s bare waist._

_“I’m doing nothing of the sort,” Fraser defended himself with a sly smile._

_“Uh huh…” Ray replied with a smirk of his own. “That’s not very Mountie-like, you know.”_

_Fraser leaned forward and allowed his tongue to follow a water droplet down the length of Ray’s neck into the curve of his collarbone. “I’m just admiring the view.” Wet kisses replaced the water droplets above Ray’s left shoulder blade. “Is that a crime, Detective Kowalski?” Fraser asked with a low growl._

_Ray’s breath hitched when Fraser pressed impossibly closer. Eyes drawn shut, he dropped his head backwards onto Fraser’s broad shoulder._

_“Ben…” Ray moaned into Fraser’s neck. He felt his knees weakening as Fraser’s fingers slipped inside the twisted terrycloth towel._

_“Yes?” Fraser whispered in reply._

_“You’re wearing too many clothes…”_

_“So I am…” Strong fingers pressed into Ray’s hips as Fraser turned his partner in a half circle, facing him. “Let’s do something about that, shall we?”_

_By the time they reached the doorway of their bedroom, Ray had divulged Fraser of all of his clothing and the terrycloth towel wrapped loosely around his waist._

Ray hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Pressing a hand into his growing erection, he mumbled a curse. Fraser wasn’t even here and he was getting hard over a memory. He rinsed the toothpaste out of his mouth and left the bathroom before the rest of the tantalizing memory played through mind. 

He poured himself a cup of coffee, not caring that he’d just brushed his teeth and fished his phone out of his pocket. He stared at it, knowing he shouldn’t call Fraser, but growing more desperate to hear his voice. Glancing at his watch, he remembered it was an hour earlier in Chicago. It was still early enough for him to catch Ben awake. If it were a normal night, Ben would be settling on the couch with a book and a cup of that bark tea he was so fond of. Dief would be somewhere in the vicinity of his feet, his ever faithful companion. 

Ray rubbed his bruised hand absent-mindedly, wondering if Dief was back to acting normal again. He had refused to leave the apartment when Ray and Fraser left that morning for the police station. Instead, the wolf parked himself next to his water bowl in the kitchen. Both men shrugged their shoulders and closed the door behind them.

Ray turned the phone in his hands again and opened it up, displaying the keypad. The numbers were dialed from memory and he waited impatiently through the ringing to hear Fraser’s voice. 

 

 

 

                                                                                                          

 

 


	6. That thin line...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that it is taking me so long to update with new chapters. Real life has been so demanding lately. I'm trying to get this story completed for those of you who have been hanging on for so long... thank you all for your patience with me :) Enjoy...

Fraser reluctantly placed the phone back into the cradle on the nightstand beside his bed. He dropped his head backwards against the wooden headboard, letting his eyelids drift closer together until they closed completely. He exhaled slowly, relief momentarily washing over him after finally hearing from Ray, even if it was only for a few short minutes. Dief was snoring lightly at his feet causing the Mountie to frown. Opening his eyes, he watched his lupine companion sleep. Dief had been acting unusual all day, refusing to leave the apartment when he and Ray left earlier in the morning and rebuffing numerous offers to go on a walk when Fraser got home from the Consulate. With the quantity of water he had been putting in Dief’s bowl, Fraser naturally assumed Dief would have been waiting at the door the second he unlocked it. Rather, he found the half-wolf asleep in the bedroom, barely stirring when entering the room.

Fraser finally enticed him into taking a quick stroll around the block to answer Mother Nature’s call, with the promise of a doughnut in the morning from Ray’s favorite bakery. Dief had whined briefly in protest before meeting Fraser at the door. After ten minutes, the deaf wolf had showed signs of fatigue and disinterest in his surroundings and Fraser relented and made the turn back towards the apartment.

Settling back against the headboard, Fraser turned towards the nightstand to retrieve the book he had been reading over the course of the past month. Reading always helped calm his nerves and distract his mind from the trials of the day. There were many a day he was thankful for his grandparents being librarians and instilling in him the importance and the unexpected benefits of reading. His book wasn’t on the nightstand where he had left it the night before. He glanced behind the piece of furniture, thinking he and Ray had maybe knocked it off when they were making up after arguing. He smiled at the memory. It was always difficult remaining upset with Ray.

He located the book and frowned in confusion when the picture of him and Ray didn’t appear between the last pages he read. He looked behind the stand again, then got up to look under the bed. The picture was nowhere to be found. Fraser grumbled when he realized the corner of the last page he had read had been turned down. Ray always dog-eared his reading material and it was a habit Fraser had to bite his tongue and not make a big deal out of, even though it secretly annoyed him when people ruined their books by doing so. The thought of Ray maybe taking the photo with him brought a small smile to Fraser’s face. It faded quickly, knowing Ray was going to be gone for about three weeks. Today was just the first day. He closed the book, exhaling slowly, no longer interested in reading. Fraser took a long drink of water from the glass he had placed on the bedside table when he crawled into bed.

“What’s wrong with us, Dief?” Fraser questioned his sleeping companion. He pressed the heel of his palm into the small nook between his eyes and pressed firmly trying to break up the building tension that was likely to turn into yet another headache. Groaning, he moved his hand to rub at his throbbing shoulder. “Maybe Ray was right,” he told the silent room. “Perhaps a checkup at the doctor’s isn’t a bad idea.” Glancing at Dief curled up at his feet, he added, “For both of us.”

Rain began to fall against the bedroom window as a late summer storm erupted in the darkness. Flashes of lightening and rumbles of thunder didn’t wake Diefenbaker as he lay asleep at Fraser’s feet on the bed. Switching off the bedside lamp, Fraser surrendered to the call of much needed sleep. He shifted onto his side, instinctively reaching out for Ray’s body to pull close. His hand fell on cool yet empty sheets. The bed felt massive without Ray’s sprawling limbs taking up most of the other side. Opening his eyes in the dark, Fraser felt around the vacant side of the bed for Ray’s pillow. Locating it, he pulled it close to his body and breathed in the comforting scent of his lover.

It was the first time in over a year that he had to sleep alone. After the incident with Jimmy Akers, Fraser had had trouble sleeping and found it comforting knowing that Ray was always beside him. Fraser fell asleep with the pillow tucked securely under his arm. Safeguarded as if he were protecting Ray from whatever dangers he may be facing while on his undercover assignment, just as Ray protected him after his ordeal with Jimmy.

Visions of his two Rays undercover, lover and friend, invaded Fraser’s dreams during a restless night of little sleep. His friend Ray Vecchio appeared in the middle of a desert, begging for his life as Las Vegas mobsters took turns revealing bits and pieces of his true identity to his mob family. Ray was on his knees in his expensive three piece suit pleading to explain himself. His words fell on deaf ears as each family member morphed into his own family, friend and his undercover alter ego. One by one they took a shot, permanently silencing him.

Fraser bolted upright in bed, startling Diefenbaker who let out a low growl in the direction of the closed window. The Mountie’s breaths were ragged and his heartbeat was racing as he shook his head trying to dislodge the images of his friend being murdered. He ran a weary hand down the length of his face and breathed deeply trying to calm his frazzled nerves. Dief emitted another low growl before turning a circle and settling at Fraser’s hip.

“It was only a bad dream,” Fraser said, reassuring both the wolf and himself as he rested a hand atop Dief’s head and rubbed gently between his ears. He pulled the covers up over his chest and settled back into his pillow. Every time he closed his eyes, Ray Vecchio begging in the desert morphed into his Ray, who would suddenly change into Jimmy. Thunder clapped in the distance while lightening illuminated the bedroom. Fraser sat up again, thinking he saw a shadow on the far wall.

He turned away from the window and pulled the covers up, tucking them under his chin. “Nothing to be scared of,” he whispered into the dark room. Closing his eyes tightly against the erupting lightning he muttered, “…it’s _just_ the storm.”

~*~

Jimmy shook the rain off his jacket and hung it on the hook behind the door to his apartment. He ran his fingers through his rain soaked hair then wiped his hands on his jeans to dry them.

“Where the hell have you been?” A booming voice came from the direction of his living room, startling him. A man in his mid-thirties approached Jimmy shaking his finger in the air. “I’ve been here for over an hour. You went to see him, didn’t you?”

Jimmy grabbed at the man’s finger, twisting it hard. “Don’t you worry about where I’ve been.” He released the man’s finger and went into his kitchen to retrieve a bottle of beer from the refrigerator. Pulling a package of cigarettes out of his pocket, he dispensed one into his open hand. He lit it and inhaled slowly, then offered one to his friend along with a beer.

“Jimmy, I thought we agreed we would do this my way.” He accepted the beer and lit his own cigarette, blowing out a puff of smoke to the side. “I told you, you will get what you want, but we need to pace ourselves here. You’re going to get yourself thrown back in jail if the Mountie catches you lingering around his place.”

“Relax, would you? I was careful, okay.” Jimmy clapped his friend on the shoulder as he left the kitchen and non-chalantly flipped on the television for background noise. “He never even knew I was there. Fire escapes are awesome hiding places.” He took a long drag from his cigarette before turning his attention back towards his friend. “Come on, Luke. It’s been a year since I last saw him. Cut me a little slack here.”

“You’re little slack is going to get you thrown right back into jail. Listen, we follow my plan and we both get what we want. You get your Mountie and I get some sweet revenge on our old pal Ray.” Luke rubbed his palms together thoughtfully. “My uncle was more than willing to help me out when I told him my plan. He never liked Ray. He always thought he was a spoiled brat who always got what he wanted. It sure helps to have him out of the way for a few weeks so we can work on destroying the Mountie’s credibility.” Luke took a drag from his own cigarette before snubbing it out in an ashtray on the breakfast bar. “I’ve been watching him this week and I don’t know him from the guy next door, but he seems to be unraveling quite nicely.”

“You should have installed little monitors in their apartment instead of the listening devices. I would have loved to have seen the look on Ray’s face when Benton completely ignored him to take care of paperwork.” Jimmy’s laughter turned quiet. “The wolf may be a problem. What are we going to do about him? Unless Benton is alone, the wolf won’t let anyone near him. He’s quite protective.”

“Just leave it up to me. From what I was hearing today, the wolf is being affected as well. I guess it needs to drink water, too.” Luke lit another cigarette and took a long swig of beer. “Middle of next week, we stage your apology.”

“Excellent… by the time Ray gets home, he won’t have a Mountie to come home to anymore.” Jimmy clinked his beer bottle with his friends as evil laughter escaped from his parted lips. “Just a bunch of broken memories.”

~*~

Ray cursed as the thin gauged copper wire dug into the side of his palm. “Shit that fucking hurts.” His eyes snapped up when he heard his appointed trainer laughing at him. Ray tried to keep his anger in check but with the newest cut on his hand, he wanted to kick this Shaun in the head. “It’s not funny, dude. There some trick I need to know to quit cutting the hell out of my hands?”

Shaun patted Ray on the shoulder and just shrugged. “Just time, man. You’re new. Your hands need time to build up callouses in all the right places.” Shaun held up his hands and Ray cringed. He did not want to end up with nasty looking hands like this guy. The sooner he got this undercover gig over with… _the better_. “See, callouses on the sides of my pinky fingers where I pull at the wire, on the sides of my palms, where I pull the wire, on the edges of my index finger and thumb where…”

“Let me guess, where you pull the wire?” Ray rubbed his fingers to work out the soreness. After three days, his body was full of sore and aching muscles that he wasn’t even aware he had.

“You catch on quick, Ray. I like you. Hope you stick around longer than some of the shmucks we got working here.” Shaun scanned the employees working in the other departments and Ray followed with his own eyes. “Some of these young kids just don’t know what it is to work anymore. We work twelve hour shifts and these kids put in maybe six hour’s worth of real work. The other six hours they are busy with their cell phones and flirting with anyone with two legs of the opposite sex.” The middle aged trainer took the wire out of Ray’s hands and within two minutes had the entire system of pulleys restrung and the machine ready to be restarted. Ray stared in amazement at his quickness.

“Seriously? You do realize that I’ve been trying to do that for the past forty-five minutes, don’t you?” Ray closed the machine doors and double checked with Shaun to make sure it was safe to push the start button. “You could have rescued me sooner.”

“Ahh,” Shaun held up his index finger and shook it. Ray closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He didn’t come across too many people that used ‘Ahh’ in their speech and he suddenly missed Fraser at his side. Shaun continued on unaware of Ray’s reminiscing. “But then, how would you learn it on your own? Once you have down the mechanics of it, just follow the logical direction of the wire, the speed will come with practice.” Shaun clapped Ray on the shoulder again. “You’re actually one of the best trainees I’ve had in a while.”

“Hey, thanks. I still feel like I’m on information overload at this point.” Ray rubbed his hands again and pulled a Band-Aid out of the small box on their joint desk. He applied it to the cut on his hand, wishing he had some of Fraser’s stinky salve to put on it. “So, what’s next?”

“Well, once again, thirds left us a mess on the cablers.” Shaun led the way to the two intimidating machines in the middle of their department. “You haven’t worked with these yet, so I will show you the ropes. It’s basically the same thing as what we are doing now, but we will put four sets of twinned wire together to make one cabled wire.”

Shaun explained the order of the colored wire needing to be loaded and the relevance of the placement of each color. Ray followed his lead and worked on the opposite side of the machine loading the remaining two colors. Standing back, he watched as Shaun examined his splice connecting the two lengths of wire.

“I do it right?” he asked tentatively, fingering the wire where he had spliced it together.

“I’m impressed. I can barely see your splice.” Shaun ran his fingers over the almost seem-less joint. “You sure you haven’t worked with wire before?”

“No, just stuff around the house. Mainly hooking up speakers to my stereo. Gotta have the tunes, right? I figured if it wasn’t tight, it would come apart as it was pulled through the machine and the eyelets aren’t all that big, so I tried to keep it as small as I could so it wouldn’t break or get stuck.”

“Like I said, you’re a natural. Hope you stick around.” Shaun loaded a reel and pressed the start button. “Now, these will take two hours before we get a full reel, so in the meantime, we try to keep up with our other twelve machines.”

Ray groaned inwardly. He was exhausted. With each reel weighing anywhere from two to five hundred pounds and having to roll that weight across the floor to its next destination, he was going to be more than ready to fall into bed tonight. His first two days were spent getting a feel for the job, taking in the layout of the factory and making small talk with his trainer. The detective in him was poking around at the small details, the exits, possible hiding spots for large amounts of scrap wire, potential suspects… yet he found that he was so absorbed in trying to keep up with the actual job, that he didn’t have a lot of extra time to play detective.

By the end of the day Shaun had guided him through two setups and left him alone for the final one. When the night shift arrived, Ray and Shaun had all but one of their machines running, far better than when they walked into the department earlier that morning. They passed off their notes and headed to the time clock.

“Hey, good job the last few days, Ray.” Shaun clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a broad smile. “Enjoy your two days off and I will see you next Wednesday.” He swiped his timecard and stepped back, giving Ray room to do the same.

“Thanks, I think that I will sleep for the next two days. This job is exhausting.” He let out a small laugh when Shaun began to say something. “Yeah, I already know. Just takes time to get used to it.”

It had been a long three days and Ray wanted nothing more than to head back to his tiny apartment and call Fraser. It was a strange feeling not having him at his back. He longed to here one of Fraser’s stupid Inuit stories right about now. When he spoke to him three days ago, Fraser had seemed slightly distracted, not nearly as the night before he had left. Ray wondered what was going on with his partner. Ever since returning home from vacation, it was as if Fraser had transformed into another person. He was really hoping that it had nothing to do with drugs. He thought he knew Ben better than that, but his behavior and the missing Vicodin weren’t sitting well with Ray.

“Hey, Ray,” Shaun calling his name pulled him away from his own thoughts. “You uh, you want to go grab a beer with me?”

Ray hesitated and thought about the offer. He could really use a good beer, but at the same time he really wanted to call Fraser. But this Shaun might know something about the stolen scrap wire and it would make for a perfect opportunity to pick his brain over a beer. It was Sunday evening. Fraser would be home later when he called. Besides, he didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to get a hopeful lead so he could break this case open and go home.

“Unless,” Shaun laughed. “Unless you’ve got a hot date waiting for you back home.”

“Nah,” Ray replied coolly. “My hot date’s out of town.” He slung his lunch bag over his shoulder, motioning towards the door. “Lead the way.”

~*~

Ray and Shaun picked a corner table in the back of the small bar. It reminded Ray of the little bar back home near their apartment that he and Fraser liked, on the rare occasion he could talk Ben into having a beer with him. There were peanut shells littering the floor, crunching into miniscule pieces every time Ray took a step. Fraser would have hated the mess and started to scan the bar for an available broom to clean up the empty broken shells. Ray couldn’t help but smile.

Both men settled into their chairs and took long swallows of their beers.

“So,” Shaun spoke first, “Where you from? Bremen’s a small town and I haven’t seen you before.”

Ray’s defenses went into action immediately. “I just moved here. Was looking for a job, saw the posting out front and they must have liked my application because here I am. I’m originally from Chicago. Needed a change.” Ray studied the man before him. “What about you? How long you lived here?”

“Me? Been here my whole life.” Shaun held up a pack of smokes. “You mind?” He offered the package to Ray.

Ray shook his head. “No, thanks, but be my guest. Twelve hours is a long time to go without a smoke. Me, I gave the habit up a while ago.” He glanced around the bar to see if anyone else from the factory had the same idea as Shaun for an after work drink. He didn’t want to start asking any questions if there were other ears around. Before he could think of a way to ease into a conversation about scrap wire, Shaun starting asking personal questions out of left field.

“So, you said that your hot date’s outta town. She move here with you?” Shaun waggled his eyebrows at his new colleague.

“Um,” Ray began suddenly embarrassed to be talking about his love life. His instincts told him he could trust Shaun. He thought it might help to talk about Ben, ease some of his anxiety over not actually seeing him. “Well… _he_ ,” Ray paused to gauge Shaun’s reaction. When all he got was a shrug of the shoulders he continued on. “He still lives in Chicago. The city was suffocating me, so I told him I was going prospecting for jobs somewhere else.”

“Are you two on the outs with each other?” Shaun questioned with interest.

“No, not at all. If this place is everything I hope it is… we’ll be back together soon.” Ray felt like he was betraying Shaun’s trust by telling him a bold faced lie so he decided to shift the conversation. “So, now that we are away from work. What can you tell me about the place? Good place to work, honest people?” Ray took a swallow of his beer. He tapped his fingers rhythmically on the table top waiting for an answer.

Shaun looked like he was debating his response. “It’s a good company, but there are a few bad apples in the bunch. Just like any place you would work.”

Ray laughed out loud when he thought of Detective Dewey being the bad apple at the station and then Fraser having to deal with the Ice Queen on a daily basis. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. My partner’s boss is a bitch. I call her the Ice Queen all the time, which of course he doesn’t like, but it’s the truth.”

“Here it’s mostly third shift. Although, we have a few on days that I could do without. Like the girl that has been eyeballing you for the past two days.”

Ray’s head shot up at this bit of news. He had been so busy trying to keep up with Shaun and the actual job, he hadn’t noticed anyone paying attention to him. He mentally kicked himself in the head. ‘Some detective I am,’ he thought to himself. ‘I need to pay more attention to my surroundings.’

“Don’t worry. I won’t let her near you.” Shaun blew out a ring of smoke above his head. He took a quick look at his watch then pushed the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray. “Shit, I gotta get home.”

Ray glanced at his own watch. They had only been in the bar for twenty minutes. He hadn’t even finished his beer. “What’s the rush, man?”

“I forgot my wife needs the car. We are down a vehicle at the moment and she has to go into work early.” Shaun quickly swallowed the remainder of his beer. “Sorry to bail on you. Enjoy your two days off and I will see you Wednesday. We will have to do this again, when I have more time to spare.” Shaun patted Ray on the shoulder as he left the table.

“Sure,” Ray called to his retreating form. He pulled his wallet out and threw some bills on the table. It was time to go back to that tiny hole in the wall and call Ben. He was frustrated he didn’t get anywhere with Shaun and now he had a new worry of someone trying to put the moves on him. Just what he didn’t need.

~*~

Ray settled against the headboard of his tiny bed and pulled out his cell phone. It was Sunday evening and he tried to imagine what Ben was doing at the moment. Probably organizing the spices after cooking himself dinner. Ray messed them up on purpose before he left to give Ben something to do when he was feeling distracted. He dialed the familiar number and his heart began racing in anticipation. It rang four times and he was about to hang up before the answering machine picked up when Ben answered, sounding very much out of breath.

“Hello?” Fraser answered, trying to catch his breath.

“Ben… it’s Ray.” Ray smiled at the sound of his lover’s voice. “I was uh, I was just thinking of you.” He pressed his hand into his groin. It was amazing how one simple word out of Fraser’s mouth could send a current through his dick in an instant. “How are you?”

“I just got out of the shower, so I’m a little wet.” Fraser ran the towel through his damp hair and sat down on the edge of the bed. “But, I don’t imagine that is what you were after, is it?”

“No, not exactly,” Ray chuckled into the phone. “But, I really like the images that are popping up in my head.”

“I miss you, Ray. So, I’ve been better.” Fraser dried off his legs and pulled on a pair of boxers before settling back onto the bed. He pulled Ray’s pillow into his lap and held it tightly. “I went to the doctor on Friday for a check-up. He didn’t find anything out of the ordinary. He said I was dehydrated, which doesn’t make any sense at all.”

Ray shook his head surprised Ben went to the doctor at all. “How are you feeling now?”

“Well, he suggested I take some time off work and rest. But with Inspector Thatcher gone, I can’t just close the Consulate and we really don’t want to place all that responsibility in the hands of Constable Turnbull. We were invited to a cookout by Mrs. Henderson, but I opted to remain home instead. I had to take Diefenbaker to the vet as well.”

“What’s wrong with Dief?” Ray questioned as he stared at the fading bruise on his hand.

“I’m not sure. He’s been acting very unusual. I had to resort to bribery with a doughnut from your favorite bakery to get him to go for a walk after I got home from work. The vet kept him to run some more tests.” Fraser ran a hand over his tired face. “I’m afraid he may be at the end, Ray. He’s not a puppy anymore.”

“Don’t say that Ben, Dief has a lot left in him.” Ray wished he were at home, so they could face whatever was wrong with Dief together.

“I’m sorry, how are you doing? Are you making any headway with the case?”

“I’m sore as hell and could use a massage from you.” Ray scratched at his cheek and caught himself pulling at his left ear. “No, I’m not getting anywhere. But I’m still trying to learn this job. So, maybe when I go back on Wednesday, I can pay more attention to where the scrap is being taken. My trainer hasn’t let me help with any of that yet so I don’t really have a clue what the process is yet.” Ray picked at a piece of lint on the blanket to his left. “How are you holding up, Ben? You know with the Jimmy crap?”

Fraser held his breath and let it out slowly. He still wasn’t used to the idea of the man being out of jail. He strongly suspected he had been around the apartment building but he couldn’t prove it and he didn’t want to bother Ray with his assumptions. His partner had enough on his plate to worry about. Ray needed to concentrate on the undercover job and then when he got home, they could tackle Jimmy together.

“It’s hard, but I’m doing okay.” Fraser knuckle swiped his eyebrow and pulled on his own left ear. “I will feel better when I know you are home safely.”

“Okay, but if you need anything, Welsh is a quick phone call away.”

“Thank you, Ray. Really, I am okay.” Fraser leaned forward and breathed deeply into Ray’s pillow. “You forgot your pillow.”

“You wanna bring it to me?” Ray asked hopelessly. “I have the next two days off.”

Fraser glanced at his watch for the time. “I can be there in four hours…”

 


	7. Blow Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the lengthy delay with posting the next chapter. This story was cruising along and then I got hit with a major roadblock with it and couldn't get past it. But I finally did! Thank you for your patience with me.
> 
> I huge thank you to butterfly ghost for her beta and inspirational ideas. You are the best :) And to Vic32 for not letting me forget about this story and always keeping it in the back of my brain and for her encouragement.
> 
> As always, feel free to leave me your thoughts and comments :)

Fraser stepped over the hoses from the fire department and kicked at a pile of ash that used to be the desk in the front hall of the Consulate. He had just finished packing an overnight bag and was about to leave to go see Ray when he received a phone call from Lieutenant Welsh and then another from a frantic Constable Turnbull alerting him there had been a fire at the Consulate. He stepped to the side as a few firemen shuffled out carrying the hose. The fire chief wouldn’t allow him to go any further than the lobby and Fraser was waiting impatiently for someone to tell him the extent of the damage.

Staring at the plastic lump covered in ash on the floor that used to be a telephone handset, Fraser wondered what had been wrong with him when he spoke with Ray just a few hours before. Ray was concerned. Unwilling to let the appropriate officials handle the investigation, he was ready to leave and head back to Chicago to investigate the fire himself. Fraser tried to assure him that it could be as simple as faulty wiring and to just stay put and concentrate on his undercover assignment. If he were honest with himself, he would much rather be with Ray at the moment then have to worry about what had happened at the Consulate. He rubbed at his temples. A headache the size of Canada that had been building behind his eyes felt like it was about to break through.

It was bad enough that he nearly forgot to call Ray before he left the apartment, but even worse to have spoken to him like _that…_

“You know, Ray, I'm not a child,” he snapped, aware even as he spoke how childish he sounded. “I don't need you to break your cover and come hold my hand. I'm quite capable of looking after myself and taking care of this… _mess.”_

“Ben, your office burned down. That's big. All I'm saying is…”

“All you’re _saying_ is that you don't think I can look after myself.”

“No. What I’m _saying_ is maybe you could use some help. Look, it’s just that you've not exactly been yourself lately.”

“Oh, and what's that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, Ben. You know what that means.”

“You are not giving up an undercover assignment because you think your boyfriend is too weak and pathetic to handle things without you. You know that's what they’ll say.”

“ _What who will say_? Will you listen to yourself? Ben, I just…”

“Do your job, Ray. And let me do mine.” And that was that. He hung up on him.

Looking now at the lump of contorted plastic on the ruins of Turnbull’s desk he wished he could step back in time, be a little less cold, a little more...

Why was he so damn angry all the time?

‘What’s wrong with me?’ he wondered and sighed. He was tired, he was edgy, he was paranoid. Maybe Ray was right. Maybe he just missed his partner.

‘I’ll phone him tomorrow morning and make things right,’ he thought and reluctantly turned his attention back to the matter at hand.

“Constable,” Lieutenant Welsh’s robust voice broke through the haze. “If you want to follow the Fire Marshall, he’ll take you back to your office and let you gather up whatever papers and files you can salvage.” Welsh looked around the foyer. “You won’t be able to work here until this place can be renovated. It doesn’t appear that the damage is as extensive back by your office. But what the fire didn’t touch, the water to put it out certainly did.”

“And the Inspector’s office?” Fraser asked. He didn’t want to be the one to call Inspector Thatcher while she was on vacation and tell her the bad news, but he knew he was going to have to sooner or later.

“Doesn’t look as bad as yours.” Welsh clapped Fraser on the shoulder as he followed him down the hall. “I’ll have an officer help you home with the files.”

Fraser surveyed the damage and cringed. “What a mess. It may take me a few hours to gather everything together.” He stepped over to his desk and brushed some ash and fallen debris off his desk, revealing his planner. “At least this is still legible.” He held up the calendar for Welsh to see. “I can still contact people and let them know the Consulate will be closed until further notice. Have you found the source of the ignition yet?”

“No, not yet. It may take a few days. It’s an old building. Could just be a squirrel chewed through the wiring.” Welsh looked Fraser over. “You’ll be the first to know when I find out.”

“Thank you, Sir. I appreciate it.” Fraser rubbed at his left temple and cracked his neck while he took in the damage in his office.

“Are you okay, Constable?” Welsh asked concern filling his rough voice.

Fraser gave up a small smile. “Yes, it’s just very late and this is quite the disaster.”

“Don’t think me rude, Fraser, but you’re looking a little ragged around the edges. Have you been getting enough sleep?”

Fraser huffed out a small laugh before he caught his reflection on the broken, smoke stained mirror hanging from the closet door at the rear of his office. Beneath the ash, his skin was a ghostly white pallor. He hadn’t noticed the dark circles already casting shadows under his eyes. If it were someone else he was looking at, he would think they were unwell. No wonder the Lieutenant was concerned. Fraser raised his hands to scrub some soot off his cheekbone and stopped short when he realized they were shaking. He quickly shoved them in his front pockets effectively stopping the quivering. He forced a grin. “It’s strange with Ray being gone. I confess to not getting a lot of sleep.” Fraser stepped toward the Lieutenant. “Could you perhaps do me a favor?”

Welsh raised his hands defensively and took a long step backwards. “Do _not_ ask me to check in on Vecchio…” Welsh eyed Fraser suspiciously. “... _or Kowalski_. You know I can’t do that, Constable.”

“Although I worry about both Rays, I know that they can take care of themselves. No, I was wondering if perhaps you could look into the parole of Jimmy Akers?”

Welsh scrubbed at his bulky chin. “Akers? Isn’t he that whack-job friend of Ray’s that assaulted you last year?”

Fraser cringed at the mention of the abuse. “Yes, that would be correct.”

Welsh folded his arms across his broad chest. “How the hell did he get out?”  

Fraser shrugged. “Apparently, he is out on some sort of technicality. I just wanted to make sure he was adhering to the parameters of his parole.”

“You think he’s been hanging around your place?” Welsh gave Fraser another once over, really taking in his appearance. His eyes were so shadowed, they looked almost bruised, and the man was clearly exhausted.

“I have no evidence of that, but I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“Yeah, sure. No problem. I can look into it for you. His file must be buried in the mountain of paperwork on my desk. No wonder Ray was reluctant to leave.”

“Ray didn’t know. He found out after we came back from our cabin that he was out. At least that’s what he told me.”

“Well, if he said he didn’t know, _he didn’t know_.” Welsh clapped Fraser on the shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Ray’s a good guy. He wouldn’t keep something like that from you.”

Fraser nodded in agreement even though he still felt betrayed by Ray hiding the letter from him in the first place. He pulled a few files out of his desk, thankful they were not damaged from the fire that ripped through the Consulate. “I don’t suppose you have any boxes at the station you could lend me to take these files home? All of mine seem to be a heaping pile of ash.”

“I’m sure Francesca has some stashed in the storage closet. I’ll run you over to there to pick some up. Have you called the Inspector yet?”

Fraser tugged at the collar of his shirt and shook his head. “Not yet. I figured I would wait until the morning. There’s no reason to wake her at this late hour and there is nothing for her to do but worry.” He shoved his hands back into his pockets when they started to tremble again. “I’m sure she will find some way to blame this whole mess on my incompetence anyway.”

“Fraser,” Welsh sighed heavily. “You’re too hard on yourself. You are one of the _least_ incompetent people I know. Your methods may vary quite drastically from the way I would do things, but you always manage to get the job done. Better than most of my own guys. Why that woman can’t see that I’ll never know.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“No need to thank me. You’re a fine officer.” Welsh dropped his gaze to his wrist watch. “Now let’s go get those boxes so we can both head home and get some sleep. We’ll let the fire investigators figure out this mystery tonight.”

~*~

Fraser kicked the door shut with his foot and dropped the last of the boxes containing the important files and documents from both his and Inspector Thatcher’s offices. He swiped his hand across his forehead, exhausted. It was four in the morning by the time he and Welsh got everything packed and hauled up the stairs to his apartment. He dusted some soot off his jeans and frowned at the boxes at his feet. Regardless of what Lieutenant Welsh told him, he knew the fire would somehow be blamed on him, faulty wires or not.

He groaned at the throbbing headache that just wouldn’t go away and was becoming more unbearable. He couldn’t pinpoint what was going on with him. His doctor had told him he was fine. But he sure as hell didn’t feel fine. Whether it was the stress of knowing Jimmy was out of jail or the unexplained fire at the Consulate, he just wasn’t himself. He toed off his shoes just inside the doorway before making his way to the bathroom. He fished around in the cupboard for Ray’s bottle of Tylenol, pushing aside sample packets of vitamins and tubes of ointments before eyeing the desired bottle. The headache was not going away and if it continued, he knew he wouldn’t be able to function when he had to get up in the morning. He turned the bottle over in his hand thoughtfully. Deep down, he knew there was no reason to be worried about taking the pain pills. He had long ago conquered that horrible mistake from his past. He returned to the kitchen and filled a glass with water and swallowed the pills without hesitating, praying they didn’t come back up like the last ones he took.

Fraser sank onto a kitchen chair completely spent. He wondered again what was going on with his body. Except for when he was in the car accident the year before, he seldom had headaches. Since they had been home for the past week, he had had one every day. ‘Maybe,’ he thought, ‘I need to see my doctor again. Maybe I have some kind of chemical imbalance that is causing these damn headaches.’ He knew he had been unusually irritable with everyone around him and he couldn’t put his finger on the reason why. He finished his glass of water and decided he just needed some sleep. He knew he shouldn’t ignore the flashing light on the answering machine, but he was too tired to deal with anything else. It was probably Ray asking him why the hell he had hung up on him the night before. At the time he knew, but now… now he had no idea. But it was too early in the morning to make the call to apologize.

Fraser went to his room and stripped out of his soot covered clothing. He tossed them haphazardly into the clothes basket and fell into bed feeling unsettled. He hadn’t really thought too much about Jimmy hanging around his apartment, but now that Welsh had considered the possibility of it, he couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Every noise outside made him jump. Every smell made him turn around.

Fraser felt like crawling under the covers and never emerging. ‘When did I start feeling this way? Feeling scared again?’ He groaned as he pulled the blankets up around his neck and turned away from the windows. Suddenly the overwhelming feeling of wanting to go home struck him like a two ton brick. He wanted to run away where he knew it was safe. Sleep didn’t come easily. His nightmares were filled with what Jimmy would have done to him had Ray not shown up when he did, filled with what Jimmy wanted from him.

~*~

“What is wrong with you?” Jimmy’s friend Luke shoved him against the counter top separating the small kitchen and living room. “You started that fire didn’t you?” He twisted his hands into the collar of Jimmy’s tee-shirt. “It’s been all over the news. I thought I told you to let me handle this. You’re going to get yourself thrown back into jail.”

“Relax, would you? Nobody saw me and there is no way that it can be tied back to me anyway. I was careful.” Jimmy shoved his friend away and took a long swig of his beer. “Besides, I had to do something, he was about to leave for a few days to visit Ray. Not exactly what we want at this moment in time, now is it?”

“He was leaving? Are you sure?”

“Positive. I overheard him talking to Ray on the phone last night. If we want this drug to break him, he can’t be skipping town and giving it a chance to work its way out of his system. I had to act fast. Otherwise, he would be frolicking with Ray as we speak.”

“So you try to burn down the Canadian Consulate? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Look, it’s perfect. This way, he can’t go into work. Ray’s gone so he won’t be going to the police station to do whatever it is he does there. He’s stuck at home, working and drinking our fine water. It’s brilliant actually.”

“You better hope there’s no way to tie you to whatever it is you used to catch that place on fire. Because you get caught, you’re on your own buddy.”

Jimmy lit a cigarette and took a lengthy drag. “I was careful. You learn a few things when you’re in the clink.” He blew out a puff of smoke and grinned broadly. “Think I will give him a day to adjust to working from home and then go apologize for my terrible behavior last year.” Another drag off the cigarette and Jimmy eyed his friend suspiciously. “What do you have in store for Kowalski?”

“You let me worry about that. By the time he gets home, Constable Fraser will be with you and you will both be long gone. And there won’t be anyone here left to help him.”

The two friends clinked their beer bottles together. “We’ll both get what we want. We just have to make sure _‘little missy’_ does her part now.” Derek reached into his pocket and pulled out a small electronic device. “What do you say we up the dosage for our friend Benton?”

~*~

The summer storms in Chicago used to lull Fraser to sleep, but lately they just enhanced his nightmares and made his skin crawl. The loud thunder clap startled him awake. He bolted upright in bed and blinked through the flashes of lightning filling the room. Against the far wall he saw a flash of a silhouette. Was he being watched? Was Jimmy in his bedroom? Fraser threw back the covers and switched on the bedside lamp. The room was empty except for him. Still unsure, he scrambled over Ray’s side of the bed to the window. The breeze from the storm chilled his exposed skin. His body reacted and shivered involuntarily against the cold rain coming in the window. Had he opened the window? He knew he hadn’t. Or had he? He couldn’t remember. He peered frantically out the window, looking up and down the fire escape. Someone was out there, somewhere. He knew it. Because _he saw_ them.

Fraser dropped his head and shook the cobwebs loose. The rain drenched the back of his head and neck in a matter of moments. Beads of water dripped off his chin and the tips of his earlobes but he didn’t care. He knew he saw something, yet nothing was there to be seen. A bolt of lightning startled him into pulling his head back inside the apartment window. Aggravated, Fraser slammed the window shut and tugged the curtains closed. He shook his fingers through his hair in an attempt to dislodge most of the water before retreating to the bathroom to get a towel to finish the job. He trudged to the kitchen and filled a glass with water and drained it in four swallows. He stared at the clock on the wall in a daze as he stood in the middle of the kitchen. Quarter till five in the morning. He needed to get his exhausted body back into bed or he was going to be a useless heap of flesh to anyone that required his assistance anytime during the day.

Fraser crawled back into bed and tried to get his breathing back under control. A final scan around the room and he let his eyelids drift shut and surrendered to the call of sleep. The battering rain against the window pane held a constant enough rhythm to help pull him under into the darkness.

~*~

Fraser turned into the warm fingers tracing his cheek. This felt good. Warm. Safe. Secure. A thumb pad ghosted along his jawline before traveling down his neck to his shoulder. Fraser tipped his head back into the pillow and let butterfly kisses be dropped to his injured shoulder. Wet lips latched onto his earlobe and Fraser moaned. Ray knew just where to touch him. Kisses trailed from his ear to his hardened nipples. One after the other they were taken into a warm mouth. Licked and teased. Fraser felt himself growing hard. He brought his hands up and blindly ran them through spiked hair, guiding the talented mouth due south. He shifted under the covers, widening his legs, allowing access. The warm mouth descended upon him, swallowing his full length. Fraser let himself get lost in the bliss of his dream. He felt the orgasm building. He felt the mouth clamp down as his body shuddered, consuming every drop and licking him clean. A final kiss and he tasted himself on his lover’s lips. He allowed himself to drift away. Ray knew just how to take care of him.

Until Ray turned into Jimmy.

Fraser jerked away and scrambled up against the headboard. Panicking, he threw back the covers. Sniffed the air for clues. He scrubbed his palms into his eyes and tried to get them to focus in the dim light. “Oh,” he breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God,” he muttered when he glanced down at himself. He was still dressed. He shifted uncomfortably on the bed. The dried semen in his boxers was rough and crusty against his skin. “It was only a dream.” He sank back into his pillow, relieved. Fraser threw a hand over his forehead and drew in a calming breath. ‘It was only a dream,’ he assured himself once again. “Go back to sleep, Ben.”

~*~

There was a shrill noise vibrating in Fraser’s skull bringing him closer to consciousness. He groaned and rolled over in bed. It continued and it finally occurred to him that it was the telephone making the harsh noise. He felt with blind fingers trying to locate the phone on the nightstand.

“Hello?” he managed to croak out when he pulled the receiver to his ear. He cleared his throat in an attempt to dislodge the hoarseness.

“Fraser,” Ray’s edgy voice cut through the Mountie like a knife, instantly awaking him. “Why the hell didn’t you call me back last night? I sat by the phone for hours. God, I was worried sick about you.”

“Ray?” Fraser began to ask. ‘Of course it was Ray,’ he told himself. “I’m uh, I’m fine.” He rubbed a hand down his face and yawned. Sitting up, he pulled the blankets up around his waist and tried to stifle another yawn with no success. If he was lucky he had gotten two solid hours of sleep that weren’t interrupted with nightmares.

“I called last night, Ben.” Ray’s voice sounded raw and wounded. “I left you six messages.”

“I’m sorry.” Ben tried not to snap, and shook his head. Ray had a right to be angry. He didn’t have that right, but still, he was feeling the anger growing inside him. He tried to speak more calmly. “By the time I got files gathered from the Consulate and made it back home, it was around four this morning. I was exhausted. I knew it was late or rather quite early and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Either way, you should have called me.” Ben gritted his teeth. Ray was trying to guilt trip him. “So, uh, how bad’s the damage?” Ray asked, cautiously.

“Bad enough that the Consulate will have to be closed for extensive renovations.” Fraser swung his feet over the edge of the bed and stretched his free arm above his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a silent curse. “What time is it Ray?”

“Just after eight here. I think you’re an hour behind in Chicago.” Ray heard Fraser groan into the phone and realized he had probably only managed a few hours of sleep. “I’m sorry. I woke you didn’t I?”

“It’s fine.” It didn’t _feel_ fine, but still - he shouldn’t be so pissed about it. “I needed to get up anyway,” he admitted.

“Sorry, but I was worried, Ben. It’s just not like you to not call.”

“I said it’s _fine,_ Ray. No harm done.” The silence on the other end of the line was deafening and Fraser instantly regretted the harsh words that came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry.” He sighed, and tried again to sound like a normal human being. “I didn’t get much sleep and the little I did get wasn’t very sound.”

There was an uncomfortable pause, then Ray spoke. “I’m worried about you, Ben.”

Fraser sighed wearily. “I know you are. But I assure you, I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine. In fact, you don’t sound like yourself at all.” Fraser wanted to be snarky with him, he could be snarky right back. “What the hell is going on with you?”

“I’m fi-”

“ _Quit saying you’re ‘fine’!”_ Ray yelled into the phone cutting his partner off.

“Stop shouting!” Fraser yelled back. “It’s not helping my headache.”

Ray’s voice went deathly quiet. “How long have you had a headache?”

Fraser didn't say anything. He was still wincing in the aftermath of his own shouting fit. He shut his eyes. The light was too bright. “Since we came home.”

“Ben,” Ray’s voice was quieter. “I know you don’t like to, but have you taken anything?”

“Your Tylenol and before you ask, no, it’s not helping.”

“You may have to take a couple doses a few hours apart. Have you tried that yet?”

“I’m not an idiot,” Ben snapped. “Of course I have.”

“Well then, what about something else?” Ray asked, his voice unsure.

“If you’re trying to say something, just spit it out already.” Ben could hear his own voice edging towards hysteria.

Ray didn’t want to ask, but Fraser was starting to sound like someone he no longer knew. And in all of his experience as a cop, that usually meant one thing. What if Fraser had relapsed? It happened all the time, even to the strongest, most determined of men. ‘God,’ he thought and steeled his nerves for the ensuing battle. ‘I’ve got to ask him.’

“Fraser,” he began, in his gentlest tone, “have you... you know... I wouldn't blame you if you did, but have you -”

“What?" Fraser practically barked down the phone. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re not seriously asking me if… Am I never going to live that down? Yeah, I was an addict. I made it through a very dark time in my life. And I’ve closed that chapter. Don't you know me at all?”

“To be honest, Ben, right now I'm not so sure.”

“For God's sake, Ray, the only thing I'm taking is Tylenol. And it's doing _nothing_ for my headache. Are you never going to let me forget I was an addict? That I screwed up? Let it go.”

“I won’t let it go.” Ray fired back. “Whether you want me to or not, I care about you dammit. Something’s wrong, Fraser. What am I supposed to think? You’re snapping at me on the phone, you’ve got this lingering headache that won’t go away. You’re suddenly irritable and edgy when you used to be the calmest guy around. You’re a cop too. What does all of that tell you?”

“I don’t like what you’re implying, Ray.”

“Then, tell me I’m wrong.”

Fraser bit his lip, then suddenly exploded down the phone.

“Fuck you, Ray. Just… let it go. I don't know about you, but I've got work to do.”

Before Ray could respond, there was a decisive click on the line as Fraser slammed down the phone.

Ray stared at the phone, stunned. That... that didn't sound like his Ben at all. He punched in the numbers from memory and called the one person he knew he could trust. Stella.


	8. Unraveled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to ButterflyGhost for your support and wonderful beta. Thank you for all the times you have joined me to pop bubbles :) To everyone following the story, thank you for sticking with me :)  
> Enjoy! Would love to know what you think of it so far.

Fraser stared in shock at his hand still on the phone receiver. It was shaking fiercely. Had he just hung up on Ray? _Again?_ He took two unsteady steps back from the phone and pulled his hands to his face. They were shaking uncontrollably now. ‘How dare Ray accuse me of taking drugs,’ he thought to himself. ‘Doesn’t he know me better than that?’ He shook his hands out in front of him to work out the tremors. If he were a stranger on the outside looking in, he too would swear that he was on drugs. He had all the classic signs. Shaky hands, irritable temperament, couldn’t sleep, headache, constant thirst… all that _even he_ could see. He even felt, well… _strange_. Spaced out. But he _knew_ better. He knew he was never going down that road again. He knew he hadn’t taken anything. So what the hell _was_ wrong with him?

Deciding he needed to clear his head, Fraser went to his bedroom and pulled a pair of sweats out of his dresser. Perhaps a run was what he needed. Then he could come home and tackle his day. He was missing his partner as well as Diefenbaker. The absence of his canine companion had left an unfillable void. Fraser decided after his run and a hot shower, he would make a trip to the Veterinarian's office to check on Diefenbaker. It had been several days since he had an update on Dief’s condition. The vet was hoping to get some answers with further blood tests for Dief’s irrational behavior. Little did Fraser know that Dief had also nipped at Ray the week before. Last time Dief had behaved like this, Fraser had been convinced he was reverting to his wolfish nature. ‘God,’ he thought, ‘I nearly shot him.’

This time he was determined to give Dief a better chance. After all, he himself wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders at the moment. All things considered, Ben knew that he needed to call Ray back and apologize for _his_ irrational behavior. He couldn’t come up with a logical reason as to why he was acting the way he was either.

Before heading out the door, he decided to follow Ray’s suggestion. He opened the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and pulled out the bottle of Tylenol. He didn’t know why he bothered taking the damn things, he felt worse after taking them. He actually wondered sometimes if he was building up an adverse reaction to them. They seemed to make him dizzy. Perhaps his prior drug addiction had led to him having developed hypersensitivity to more innocent drugs.

No, that was ridiculous. Nobody was addicted to Tylenol. He was imagining things. Fraser shook his head and sighed heavily. He dispensed two into his hand, popped them into his mouth and chased them with a glass of water. In four hours, he would repeat the process. Then Ray couldn’t say he wasn’t trying. He’d take the whole damn bottle if it meant proving a point.

~*~

Fraser was halfway around the park when a shadow under a tree caught his attention. He slowed his run to a jog. Was that… _Jimmy?_ He squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught of memories. ‘Breathe, Ben,’ he told himself. ‘He can’t hurt you.’ Fraser squinted again and the figure was gone. He spun a circle, searching the park. The figure simply vanished. Fraser shook his head. Could he have just imagined Jimmy under that tree? He took off in a slow jog while trying not to let images of Jimmy invade his thoughts as his feet hit the pavement with determined steps to make it back home.

There he was again, on a bench on the other side of the pond. But how could he be there when… Fraser spun around and looked at the tree off in the distance where he had just seen Jimmy. How the hell could he be in two places at the same time? When he spun back around, there was a young child sitting where he had just seen Jimmy. Was he imagining these things? ‘Great. Now _I’m_ losing my mind.’

Fraser left the paved path and cut through the grass across the park, heading for the apartment. So much for clearing his head. He didn’t like the idea that now he was hallucinating up images of Jimmy Akers. Something had to give - and soon, or he really would go crazy. When Fraser reached the safety of the apartment, he pushed the door closed and fell against it. He clicked the lock into place and closed his eyes tightly. The sprint from the park had left his heart pounding in his chest. Or was it the thought that Jimmy Ackers was out there, somewhere, watching him again? Fraser shuddered at the thought.

Fraser slid down the locked door to the hard floor. Exhausted, he dropped his head forward into his sweaty, upturned palms, digging his fingertips into his temples until it hurt. He stretched his legs out and let his head fall against the solid door while he caught his breath. He was a Mountie for God’s sake. “Dammit. Pull yourself together, Ben,” he scolded himself. His voice echoed in the empty apartment. He squeezed his eyes shut and knocked his head against the door several times, irritating the already throbbing headache. Lately, he didn’t feel like much of anything. Didn’t feel like the decorated cop he was, didn’t feel like a supportive partner. Didn’t feel much like _doing_ anything either.

‘ _Get up off your ass, Fraser,’_ he imagined Ray snapping at him.

If only Ray were there to kick him in the head. _If only._ Fraser took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He pulled his knees to his chest and inhaled deeply, blowing it out through pursed lips. Why did he feel so lost? So empty? He pulled himself to his feet and fell against the locked door once again. When did a simple run around the park exhaust him? Fraser made a mental list of things to accomplish that day. Check on Diefenbaker, revisit his doctor and apologize to Ray. He pushed a foot into the door and propelled himself in the direction of a hot shower.

~*~

The bell above the vet’s office door dinged when Fraser pulled it open. He glanced up at the annoying contraption and wondered if it really was a logical idea for a veterinary office to have a bell jingling every time the door was opened. The dogs inside barked in unison the moment he stepped into the lobby. The shrill yip from a tiny Pomeranian was enough to make him want to turn around and leave. He was never more thankful than now that Diefenbaker rarely barked and on the occasion that he did, it was a bark worthy of a wolf.

He approached the counter and was met with a cheerful smile from the young receptionist.

“Good Morning, Mr. Fraser. What can I do for you today?” She batted her eyes and Fraser groaned inwardly. He wished the regular veterinary assistant was available. At least she didn’t keep hitting on him.

“I was hoping to get an update on Diefenbaker,” he replied with a forced smile. “And if it’s possible, I’d like to visit with him.”

“I don’t see why we can’t make that happen. Doctor Thornburg is in the back. Let me go get him for you.”

“Thank you kindly.” Fraser offered her a real smile this time as she turned and disappeared behind a closed door.

The young receptionist returned, followed by Diefenbaker’s vet. “Benton,” he stretched out his hand to greet Fraser. “It’s good to see you again. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you back to Diefenbaker.”

“How is he doing?” Fraser asked apprehensively. When he brought Diefenbaker in the previous weekend, the half-wolf was listless, wouldn’t eat and had to be carried into the vet’s office. Fraser feared the worst.

“He’s still somewhat lethargic, but he seems to be perking up. He was severely dehydrated.”

Fraser shook his head, confused. “That’s not possible. I’ve had to constantly refill his water bowl this past week.”

“That’s strange. Well, he seems to be doing better. Not sure what is going on with him yet, though.” The vet crouched down in front of Dief’s kennel and unlatched the door. “I'm running another round of blood tests to see if anything turns up, kidney problems for example. It would explain the thirst.”

“Kidney problems?” Fraser flicked his thumb across his eyebrow. “You think he might have kidney failure?”

“Don't worry, Benton. It might simply be an infection. And the IV seems to be doing the trick rehydrating him. Maybe he ingested something foreign on a walk that you didn’t notice.”

“I suppose that’s possible.” Fraser knelt down beside the doctor. He reached into the kennel and rubbed behind Dief’s ears. Diefenbaker licked his hand and crawled to the edge of the kennel. He nudged at Fraser’s knee with his snout. Fraser leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Dief’s. It felt good to be reunited with his faithful companion. Diefenbaker licked his face and Fraser let a smile grace his lips.

The vet stood and gave Fraser’s shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. “Stay as long as you’d like. I’ll let you know if the results come back from his bloodwork.”

“Thank you. You think he’s okay to take home yet?”

“Let’s give him another day or two on the IV and then we’ll see how he does.”

“Okay.” Fraser sat on the floor and crossed his legs, scooting as close to the edge of the open kennel as he could get. Dief licked him in the face then dropped his head into Fraser’s lap, whimpering softly. Ben worked his fingers through Dief’s thick fur in attempt to comfort his friend.

“Would you like a bottle of water?” Doctor Thornburg asked before leaving the room.

“That would be nice, thank you.”

The doctor retrieved a bottle of water for Fraser and then left the Mountie with his canine friend.

“You ready to go home yet?” Fraser asked as he rubbed behind Dief’s ears. The wolf pushed his nose against Fraser’s knee when he stopped scratching his ears. “Yeah, I’ve missed you too. The place is rather empty without you and Ray there.” Dief gave a short snort and licked at Fraser’s face again. “Well, it is lonely.” Fraser went quiet for a moment. “There’s no one to argue with over who gets the last doughnut. Ray’s not there to drop his bags in the middle of the floor.” Dief yipped and looked up at Fraser. “Yes, I’m well aware that incident led to hurting my shoulder again and you getting an extra helping of egg rolls. There’s no one to pick up after. It’s just me and my overactive imagination.” Fraser’s hands came to a rest tangled in Dief’s fur. “I think I’m going crazy, Dief,” Fraser admitted to the deaf wolf. “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I’ve done nothing but snap at Ray when he calls.” Fraser leaned his shoulder against the kennel. “The really scary thing is every time I fall asleep, Jimmy invades my dreams. I could have sworn he was in the apartment last night. But when I looked around, nothing. And while I was out running this morning, I thought I saw him at the park.” Dief lifted his head and whined. “Yes, our park. Twice.” Fraser shook his head. “But then he couldn’t have been in two places at once. It’s not possible. God, Dief, it’s so unsettling.”

Dief looked up and whimpered at his friend.

“No, I haven’t told Ray. You think I should? What would he think? He’d come barreling back here and hunt the guy down. And I’m sure Jimmy hasn’t actually done anything wrong. It’s just my imagination working overtime. You think I should call his parole officer?” Dief pawed at Fraser’s thigh. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt anything, would it?” Fraser rubbed behind Dief’s ears again. “I’ll do that when I get home. I’m going to stop in at my doctor’s and see if they can’t figure out what is going on with me. Maybe Ray’s right. You think I should go see Doctor Orn again?” Dief yipped and licked Fraser’s face. “I just want things to go back to normal again. Yes, I know. You just want Ray’s doughnuts.” Fraser stood and gently pushed Dief back into the kennel. “I’ll check back in to see if I can bring you home tomorrow.”

~*~

Fraser raised his thigh quickly in a desperate attempt to catch the grocery bag that was slipping from his arms. He fumbled with his keys and couldn’t seem to force the correct one into the keyhole. A week ago he could have done this with his eyes closed and one arm tied behind his back. Today, he could barely hold on to the slippery little things. After his visit with Diefenbaker, Fraser called his doctor and requested an appointment to hopefully figure out what the hell was wrong with him.

He had no idea what was going on with his body. He hadn’t changed anything in his diet or what he drank and the only thing he was taking was the occasional Tylenol. Though, he seemed to need more of them as time went on. A week ago he was fine. The nice trip up north with Ray helped him relax and forget about real life for a while. Then they came home and it was like the bottom suddenly fell out of his life. Ray left for an assignment in another state, Dief had fallen ill and Jimmy Akers was out of jail. “Oh yeah,” Fraser muttered to himself as he jiggled the key against the keyhole, “and the Consulate caught fire.” Fraser shook his head. When it rains it pours. He pinned the falling bag to the door with his hip as he continued to struggle with the key.

“Here,” a female voice startled him. “Let me help you with your bags.”

Fraser turned sharply towards the voice, releasing his grip on the keys. They bounced against one another in an array of musical notes as they fell to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” Stella caught the paper bag before it hit the floor. She bent over and scooped the keys off the floor. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You didn’t…” Fraser blushed and allowed a lopsided grin to pull at his lips. “Okay, you did.”

Stella handed Fraser the keys with an apologetic smile. He managed to work them into the lock and forced the door open, stepping aside to allow Stella entrance into the apartment.

“I hope you don’t mind me stopping over.”

“No, not at all. Would you like some tea?” Fraser offered. He accepted the bag of groceries and set it on the counter. “I bought some new loose tea that I would like to try. Ray usually wrinkles his nose when I suggest he try some.”

“Yes, Ray never was one for tea, hot or cold,” Stella smiled fondly. “But put a pot of coffee in front of that boy and watch out.” Stella placed her purse on the counter and pulled out a bar stool, taking a seat. “I’ll take a bottled water instead if you have any.”

“You’re in luck.” Fraser opened the refrigerator and pulled out a clear bottle. “Ray bought a case of it before he left. He refuses to drink water out of the faucet. I don’t know what it is about it he doesn’t like but since we’ve been together, he’s only drinks bottled water.”

“That may be partially my fault.” Stella twisted the cap off her bottle. “When we were married, we had the worst tasting water in our apartment. Ray and I both complained about it. One day, I brought home some bottled water and the vast improvement in taste alone, well we just never went back to basic tap water.”

“Whereas,” Fraser smiled as he filled the tea kettle with water and placed it on the stove to heat, “where I grew up, we were grateful for any water at all.”

Stella frowned. “I would have thought you had plenty of water.”

“Well, yes. Canada has the greatest amount of water reserves in the world, in fact. However, in the winter, it was an effort to get water, even if it was heaped up six foot deep in front of the cabin. We had to expend fuel resources to melt snow, so we had to be careful how we used it.”

Stella looked uncomfortable. “I… I would never have thought of that.”

“It’s something many people take for granted.” Fraser folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the counter. “It was rather difficult to get used to the idea of running tap water at any given time of the year when I first moved to Chicago.” The kettle began to whistle and Fraser prepared his tea infuser and placed it in his mug before pouring the steaming water over top of it. “I think sometimes, I now take it for granted as well.” He held the kettle up in the air. “You sure you wouldn’t like a cup?”

“No, thank you. The water is fine. It is understandable about taking things for granted. You become accustomed to the things around you and before you know it, it’s like you were never without.” Stella scanned the apartment. “Where’s Diefenbaker?” she asked.

“I had to take him to the veterinarian's office this past weekend.”

“Oh? What’s wrong with him?” Stella questioned. She took a sip of water and grinned. “He always reminds me of Ray, full of mischief and adventure.”

“Yes, they are both full of it.” Fraser laughed feeling slightly giddy. ‘Oh dear,’ he thought at his unintentional faux pas. ‘I hope Stella doesn't think I'm disrespecting Ray.’ “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “That came out wrong. I'm not feeling quite myself. What I meant was, Ray and Dief have very similar spirits, both wild and adventurous.”

“Yes, I miss Ray’s adventurous side.” Stella cleared her throat. “Sorry, I’m being a bit nostalgic. So, Diefenbaker, what’s wrong with him again?”

“The vet isn’t quite sure. Dief had stopped eating, which if you know anything about him, is quite unusual. I had to practically bribe him with doughnuts just to go out on short walks. Even then, he would only go as far as around the block. And he’s snapped at me a few times.” Fraser cleared his throat, uncomfortable admitting that Dief was behaving out of character. “I don’t know. The vet is running tests to see if he can determine the cause.”

“Tests?” Stella’s head shot up. She was never all that fond of Diefenbaker or any dog for that matter, but she didn’t wish him any harm. “It’s that serious? You know, Ray mentioned something last week about Dief biting him.”

“Really? Fraser gripped his mug tightly, his fingers whitening with shock. “Dief bit Ray?” He tried to steady his voice. “He never said anything to me about it.”

“I’m sure he didn’t want you to worry. Ray had said he was either trying to take something away from Diefenbaker or he was filling his water bowl. I guess he didn’t break the skin so he didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“Oh. I wish Ray had mentioned it. I could have taken Dief to the vet sooner.” Fraser shook his head confused. Why wouldn’t Ray tell him something like that? It wasn’t like him to keep things from him… or was this a new trend of Ray Kowalski’s? Don’t tell your partner anything remotely important. Fraser tried not to dwell on it. He would just ask Ray about it when he spoke with him later in the day. “The vet seems confident he will be okay.” He returned the kettle to the stove and turned and leaned against the counter. He folded his arms against his chest, tired of the run around of questions. Before he could stop himself he blurted out what he was really thinking. “What brings you by? You didn’t stop by to inquire about Diefenbaker’s health, and Ray’s out of town. ”

“No,” Stella blushed, startled no doubt by his uncharacteristic rudeness. “You’re right.” She diverted her eyes and picked at the label of her water bottle. “I stopped by to see how you were doing actually.”

“Me?” Fraser shook his head and stared hard. He would have blushed himself, but he was too annoyed. “I’m fine,” he lied. He didn’t need Stella Kowalski to know how he was really feeling. It was bad enough that he was feeling off in the first place but to let someone else see it… he didn’t need that.

“I just figured with Ray being gone, you wouldn’t mind a friendly face popping in to say hello.” Stella motioned to the tea. “How’s the new tea?”

Fraser’s expression softened. “It’s nice,” he grinned and huffed out a genuine laugh. “Ray would probably hate it.” He scanned the empty apartment. “It’s odd,” Fraser admitted as he stirred his tea and took another sip, “having both Ray and Diefenbaker gone.”

“I can imagine. I used to get so lonely when Ray had undercover jobs.”  Stella smiles  as she thought back at the fond memories. “I used to sleep on his pillow and in his tee shirts.” She waved her hand in Fraser’s direction. “Never mind me. You don’t want to hear me reminisce. How are you and Ray doing?”

‘No,’ Fraser cringed inwardly at his lover’s ex-wife’s words. ‘I don’t want to hear how you comforted yourself while Ray was gone.’ Fraser plastered a smile on his face. “We’re doing quite well, thank you.” He cleared his throat and took a step towards the island where Stella was seated, picking up his appointment calendar. “I hate to be abrupt and send you away so quickly after you got here, but I have a few appointments I need to get ready for.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I should have asked if you were busy when I arrived. Let me get out of your hair.” Stella pushed her chair in under the counter. “I’m having lunch with Barbara in about an hour anyway. Are you sure you’re okay?” Stella stood at the doorway, clutching her purse under her arm. She took in Fraser’s appearance. The man looked exhausted.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Fraser assured her. “Thanks again for the help with the groceries.”

“No problem. I’ll uh… see you around, I guess.”

“More than likely, yes.” Fraser closed the door behind Stella Kowalski and groaned. Of all the people to pop in to visit, it had to be Ray’s ex. And she was having lunch with Ray’s _mother_? Fraser wasn’t even aware she was in town for a visit. Ray never mentioned it and there were no calls from her on the answering machine. He tried to push away the jealousy that was building inside. He was positive Ray’s parents knew about them. ‘Surely,’ Fraser thought, ‘in a year’s time, Ray would have already told them. Of course they knew.’

With a quick twist of his fingers on the lock, Fraser locked the door and went to his bedroom to get ready for his doctor’s appointment. Maybe he would finally get some answers.

~*~

The doctor’s visit went about as well as he expected. Fraser had never been good at taking medical advice or sharing medical problems. The doctor could easily enough look at him and tell that something was ‘off’. He suspected that he had been less than honest with the doctor, but what was he supposed to say? He gave the doctor the facts… he had lost his appetite, wasn’t sleeping well, was nauseas, occasionally light-headed and dizzy. How was he to tell the doctor on top of his physical symptoms, that he thought he was losing his mind, that he seemed to have replaced his past drug addiction with a craving for, of all things, _Tylenol_? Of all the stupid things. And then to have the doctor tell him that _he_ was dehydrated. How was that even possible? He had been drinking even more water than Diefenbaker. Nevertheless, the nurse’s aide drew several vials of blood for a series of blood tests and sent him on his way.

‘Perhaps I’m going crazy like Uncle Tiberius,’ Fraser mused. ‘Maybe a visit with my counselor isn’t such a bad idea after all.’ He rubbed at his temple and leaned his head against the back of the seat in the cab. But he didn’t want to venture down the path of Jimmy Akers again. He had closed the door on that part of his life. Just because Jimmy was out of jail, didn’t mean he had to dwell on the man. He had already accepted and dealt with what Jimmy had done to him… him and Ray. He didn’t want to rehash all of those memories with a counselor.  Once was bad enough. But yet, there he was popping up in places… even if he wasn’t real, Fraser couldn’t shake the imaginary man out of his life. ‘God, I feel like my life is unraveling.’

Fraser sat forward in his seat as the cab approached the Consulate. “Can you let me out here?” he asked abruptly.

The cab slowed and pulled to the edge of the road. “I can let you out wherever you want.”

“Thank-you kindly,” Fraser tipped his hat at the driver as he paid him and exited the cab. In front of him, at the entryway to the Consulate, there was a flurry of activity. A woman was jabbing her pointed fingers at two men.

‘Oh my God.’ Fraser stopped his advancement and threw a hand over his mouth. He cursed inwardly and dropped his head forward. How had he forgotten to call Inspector Thatcher and tell her about the fire?

“Dammit, Ben. What the hell is wrong with you?” Fraser scolded himself. Somehow she had found out, cut her vacation short and was now screaming at Lieutenant Welsh and the Fire Marshall. Fraser steeled his nerves and moved forward.

“What the hell happened here?” Thatcher screamed in Welsh’s face. “And where are my Constables? Good Lord, I can’t even leave for a few days without the place literally falling apart.” Thatcher shoved her hands onto her hips. “Well, don’t either of you have any answers for me?”

“Excuse me, Sir,” Fraser’s voice didn’t come out as solid as he had intended. He cleared his throat and tried again, taking a few more steps towards the trio. “Inspector Thatcher,” he began again.

Thatcher whipped around and advanced on him quickly. “What the hell happened here, Constable? Did you think that this kind of incident wasn’t worthy of my attention?” Thatcher jabbed her finger into Fraser’s chest. “Are you so inept that you simply forgot? What? You had more important things to attend to than to tell your commanding officer that her building burnt down?”

Fraser opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out.

Thatcher spun around to face the other two men, stomping her heel clad foot into the concrete step. “Somebody answer me, _dammit!”_

“Ma'am, if you would please calm down,” the Fire Marshall began but was cut short.

“Do not _‘Ma’am’_ me. I will not calm down. I want some answers.”

“Sir,” Fraser began and Thatcher spun on her heels to face him once again. “There was a fire here late yesterday evening.”

“I’m not dense, Constable. I can clearly see there had been a fire in my building. What I want to know is why you never called me.” She stepped forward, her high heels clicking on the concrete steps. “What do you have to say about this mess? Where the hell were you when my building was burning down?”

“I was at home, Sir. I had every intention of calling you first thing this morning.” Fraser raked a knuckle over his brow. “Lieutenant Welsh helped me salvage as many files as we could from both our offices. He was kind enough to help transport them to my apartment for safe keeping. By the time we finished, it was after four in the morning. I have no excuse, other than I was exhausted and didn’t sleep well, which resulted in a rather rough start to the day. I’m sorry, it merely slipped my mind.”

“Merely slipped your mind?” Thatcher threw her hands on to her hips again and advanced on Fraser, stepping into his personal space. “My building burnt down, Fraser. How could that slip your mind?” Thatcher screamed in his direction.

“Inspector,” Welsh broke in on Thatcher's tirade, his voice dangerously calm. “The Constable is standing directly in front of you. I'm sure that there is nothing wrong with his hearing.”

Thatcher opened and closed her mouth, enraged, looking stunned at the mere idea that anyone would interrupt her mid flow.

“I’m sure,” Welsh continued, “that Constable Fraser has a very good explanation.”

Thatcher glared at him, then focused her anger back on Fraser. “Well?” she spat out. “What's your explanation? And why...” she threw her hands up in disgust. “Why aren't you in uniform, Constable?”

Fraser cringed. Humiliating as it was to be subjected to his superior’s rage at the best of times, Welsh’s attempts to smooth things over made things even worse. Particularly because, in this particular case, he suspected the Inspector had a point. There really was no excuse.

“Well? Answer the question.”

Oh, yes. Uniform. Right...

“I had an appointment with my doctor this morning and I didn’t think it necessary to wear it.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Thatcher took another step back and gave Fraser a once over, taking in his appearance for the first time. “Are you ill?”

Fraser shook his head, not wanting to divulge all the ugly details of what was going on with him. Hell... he wasn’t even sure himself what was wrong. Did she really want to know that he thought he was losing his mind? She _already_ thought that. Did she want to know that he was seeing things now? “Nothing serious,” he replied and straightened himself to prove his point. “I’m just feeling under the weather.” And lost.

“Well, pull yourself together,” she demanded.

“Yes, Sir,” he stood as ramrod straight as he  could muster and clasped his hands tightly behind his back.

“In the Constable’s defense,” Welsh spoke up again and moved toward the pair, “We were up quite late, busy trying to save and box up as many of your files as we could manage. I myself wasn’t able to crawl out of bed until after nine this morning.” Welsh folded his meaty arms across his chest. “And I’m sure with his partner being gone and Jimmy Akers being out of jail, the good Constable has a few things on his mind. Cut him a little slack. It was a rough night on all of us.”

“I warned you, Constable. Do you remember?” Thatcher turned on Fraser and stepped into his space, dropping her voice to just above a whisper. “If your relationship with Detective Kowalski interferes with your duties at any time, I will have you suspended and sent back to Canada. Do not test me. Am I making myself clear?”

Fraser managed to keep his voice steady as he spoke. “My relationship with Detective Kowalski has not interfered with my duties, Sir.” Yes, he sounded perfectly calm. Not in the least as though he wanted to sink through the floor in shame. “I’m merely feeling unwell, which apparently has come at a very inopportune time.” And please stop shouting about my private life in front of Ray’s boss and any Chicagoan within earshot. Or I really will go mad.

“Excuse me, if I may interject,” the Fire Marshall spoke for the first time since Fraser had arrived. “I believe we have found a glass bottle with traces of an accelerant that was used to start the fire.”

“The fire was arson?” Fraser questioned, stepping around Inspector Thatcher.

“It appears that way,” the Fire Marshall nodded. “Seems it was thrown through the back office window. Probably something like a mason jar filled with gasoline and a rag lit on fire. There is glass just inside the window on the floor, which means that something came in, versus the heat of the fire blowing the window out.”

“Who would want to burn down the Consulate?” Welsh questioned as he turned his gaze towards Thatcher and Fraser.

“I wouldn’t have any idea.” Thatcher shook her head.

“Sir, what about…”

Thatcher held her hand up in the air, stopping Fraser from speaking. “Constable, I think you have contributed to my growing headache enough for one day. Please go home. I will speak you tomorrow. Dismissed.” She averted her eyes to the ruined building before her and shooed Fraser away with a wave of her hand. Everything about her radiated contempt.

“But what about...” he tried again.

“Would you like to be suspended for not following a direct order?” she barked in his direction. “Go home and throw yourself together.”

“As you wish, Sir.” Fraser nodded to the two other men before turning to leave for his apartment.

“That was a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Welsh commented as he watched Fraser walk away. “Constable Fraser worked very hard to save as much as he could from the fire.”

“Well, that was the only thing he seemed to be able to do correctly.” Thatcher slung her purse over her shoulder and stepped into the damaged foyer, following the Fire Marshall. “He needs to learn to put his personal issues to the side and do his job.”

“As far as I can see, he doesn’t let his personal life interfere with work.” Welsh followed Thatcher at a distance back to Fraser’s all but destroyed office. “How did you find out about the fire anyway?” Welsh questioned. “I mean, if Fraser didn’t call you and that other nit-wit Turnbull didn’t either, how’d you find out?”

Thatcher whipped around. “It doesn’t matter who called me. What _matters_ is that my first in command, didn’t.”

~*~

Fraser tossed his Stetson onto the countertop with little care. He plugged in the strand of red chili pepper lights above the counter and let his thoughts drift to Ray. He filled the tea kettle with fresh water and set it on the stove to heat. Maybe Ray would like his new tea after all. The man was always surprising him. Stella didn’t know everything about who he was now, even though they were married for… however long. Fraser didn’t care. Ray was with him now. Ray had chosen him, had pushed him through the doorway into his bedroom crossing that fine line of ‘ _just buddies_ ’ and never looking back.

Fraser prepared his cup of tea and moved his tired body to the couch. Life seemed to be playing hardball today. He felt as if he was unraveling from both ends, professionally and personally. He stared at the portable phone on the coffee table. Leaning forward, he picked it up and dialed numbers from memory. He closed his eyes, pressed the phone to his ear and dropped his head to rest on the back of the couch. It rang once, twice, three, then four times. Fraser sighed, resigned to hang up. He clicked the phone off and tossed it to the side. It landed behind a throw pillow and he made no motion of retrieving it. Ray was probably too upset to want to speak to him anyway. Can you blame the guy? He got hung up on twice in the last day by the person that supposedly loved him. Add Ray to the growing list of people he had let down today.

He ground his fingertips into his temples, working them in circular motions. How could he screw up this badly? Both with his partner and his boss? He had never been lax in his duties. He let his head fall backwards against the couch cushion as he squeezed his eyes shut against pain and memories and a firm warning.

Shrill ringing from the telephone startled Fraser. He fumbled around in the cushions for the discarded phone. He finally retrieved it on the third ring.

“Hello?” he closed his eyes again, resting against the back of the couch. What time was it even? Fraser felt like he could crawl into bed and sleep for a week, regardless of the time.

“Ben…”

Ray’s voice was just what he needed. He couldn’t help himself and sobbed out ‘Ray’. The stress of the day finally coming to a head.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ray asked, concerned.

“Nothing,” Fraser lied as he tried to reel his emotions back in.

“Ben...” Ray could always read him like a book.

“Okay, everything,” Fraser admitted, his abrupt about face giving even him whiplash. God it was such a relief to let this out…  “But there’s nothing you can do about any of it. I forgot to call Inspector Thatcher and tell her about the fire. She’s more than furious with me.”

“How could you…”

“I don’t know, I just forgot.” Fraser snapped. He squeezed his eyes shut again and imagined Ray on the other end of the line. He took a deep breath and held it before releasing it slowly. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep biting your head off. You’re the last person I want to yell at.”

“Ben, what’s going on?”

“I keep seeing him.”

“Him? Who? _Jimmy?_ ”

“Yes.”

“Has that bastard been around? He has a restraining order, Ben.”

“I’m well aware of that, Ray. No, I haven’t actually seen him, but I keep thinking I’m seeing him. I spent the entire night boxing up files and when I finally managed to make it to bed, I dreamt of you. But then you morphed into Jimmy. And he was doing… well, it doesn’t matter what I thought he was doing. I didn’t sleep well after that, thinking he was in the apartment, which he wasn’t. But then, I could have sworn he was looking in the window last night.”

“Ben, we live on the third floor. How could he have been looking in the windows?”

“I don’t know!” Fraser bit his lip and tried to calm down. “He was there and then he was gone.”

“Ben...”

“I know it all sounds crazy.” Fraser’s words were coming out in a rush, but he couldn't stop himself. “Maybe I _am_ going crazy.” It does run in my family… ‘God, don't start talking about Tiberius...’ “But, I could have sworn I also saw him when I went for a run at the park today.” He swallowed and kept on talking. “But then he was in two places at once and that’s not possible. Even if it had looked just like it... “I’m letting my imagination get the better of me. I know that he’s out of jail and it’s just getting to me knowing he’s not locked up anymore.”

“You’re not crazy.” Ray's voice was calm and reassuring. For a moment, Fraser almost believed him. “Have you called his parole officer?”

“No, I don’t think he has actually been anywhere near the apartment. Like I said, it’s all in my head. I went to the doctor again. I just don’t feel like myself.”

“Did he find anything wrong? Do blood work?”

“He said I’m dehydrated and he’s running blood tests. It’s probably just stress, isn’t that what they always say?”

“What can I do to help, Ben?”

Fraser raked a hand through his hair and sat forward on the couch. ‘You could come home,’ Ben thought. “There’s nothing you can do. Actually talking to you helps. To hear your voice, helps me forget about everything that seems to be happening around here.” Fraser picked at the lint on the throw pillow before laying down the length of the couch and shoving it under his head. “I’m really sorry, Ray.”

“For what?” Ray questioned and Fraser could hear the innocence of the question in Ray’s voice. It was water under the bridge already, but he still needed to apologize.

“For hanging up on you, for constantly being short with you every time I talk to you. You’ve got a job to do and you can’t do that if you’re constantly worrying about me. I called because I wanted, _no_ , I needed to apologize for my actions.”

There was a knock at the door and Fraser turned his wrist and looked at his watch. Who could that be? ‘Possibly Welsh or Inspector Thatcher,’ Fraser thought as he groaned out loud. He didn’t want company tonight. And he certainly didn’t want to endure another round of Thatcher’s wrath.

“What’s that?” Ray asked when the knocking continued.

“Can you hold on for minute, Ray? There’s someone at the door. Probably Inspector Thatcher coming over to fire me in person.”

“I doubt that. You think she wants Turnbull to replace you? Go, answer the door, I can wait.”

“What are you doing anyway?” Fraser could hear chopping in the background on the phone as the pounding on the door continued.

“Oh, nothing, just whipping up some dinner. This town has no decent take-out. Can you believe that? They throw me in some crappy-ass apartment in some small backward hillbilly town and there’s no decent take-out. Although, there is an amazing pizza place called the Wooden Peel and if I knew the pizza would make it, I’d bring an extra large home with me in a few weeks.”

“I’m sure with your driving skills, it would make it just fine. I miss you, Ray.” Fraser’s breath caught in his throat. He missed Ray more than he realized. Clearing his throat he spoke softly into the phone. “Give me a minute okay?”

“Sure, just send whoever it is on their merry way. I want to hear more about you missing me."

Fraser pulled himself up from the couch and made his way to the door. Before he could think to check the peephole, he had the knob turned and the door opened.

“You feel like apologizing in person?” Ray was leaning casually against the door jam, a seductive smile gracing his lips. He held up a brown paper bag. “I brought dinner.” He dropped his phone from his ear and let the smile grow. Ray slid his cell phone into his pocket, stepped forward and pulled a bewildered Fraser in for a long kiss.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Just wanted anyone to know that has been waiting for an update on this story that I have decided to finish it for this years Big Bang. So, it will be finished and available to read in October when the ds_Big Bang Collection goes live. I will pend the summer writing and tweaking the final chapters of this journey with Fraser and Kowalski and that pesky Jimmy Akers. Thank you all for being so patient (or not so patient)... Hugs, happy29


	10. New words for Big Bang 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super huge Thank you to my beta Butterflyghost for all of the work on finishing this story. I could never have done it without all of your help!

Kowalski stepped forward into the apartment, one arm wrapped firmly around Fraser’s neck, the other hand discarding the Chinese on the countertop just inside the door. The paper bag barely landed on the smooth surface. Ray jerked to the side, momentarily breaking the kiss to shove it further onto the counter before it fell. He took a step back, pulling Fraser with him and kicked the door shut with his right foot. Ray twisted his fingers in Fraser’s hair and pulled his partner closer. Their lips met again and Ray deepened the kiss while wrapping his free arm around the other side of Fraser’s neck completely encircling him. He pushed him backwards, pressing him securely against the wall.

Fraser still had the phone pressed against his ear. Ray couldn’t help but smile at the bewildered expression still on his partner’s face. He had definitely succeeded in surprising him. Score one for the Chicago flat foot. He untangled his fingers from the back of Fraser’s head, took the phone and tossed it next to the bag of take-out. He ghosted his thumbs across Fraser’s cheeks while pressing himself closer.

“Ray…” Fraser began but was cut off by Ray attaching himself to his lips.

“Hmm?” Ray murmured against his mouth.

Fraser pulled back, thumping his head against the wall before breaking the connection. “What are you doing here?” he asked, trying to bring his breathing back under control.

“I forgot my pillow,” he replied with a sly smirk. “Actually, I went for a drive to get out of that nasty apartment they dumped me in and ended up here. And…” Ray paused and met Fraser’s blue eyes, “I wanted to see you.” Ray nuzzled Fraser’s neck. “God it feels so good to be able to touch you.” Ray’s hands left Fraser’s face and smoothed over his shoulder muscles. “It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve been able to lay my hands on you.” Ray tugged at Fraser’s shirt tucked into his jeans, working it loose enough to slide his hands up his partner’s torso.

“It’s only been five days…” Fraser’s words caught in his throat when one of Ray’s hands descended on his groin, cupping him firmly through the thick denim. “But who’s counting?” He finally got with the program and spun Ray around, pinning him to the wall instead. Where he found the strength, he wasn’t sure. A split second ago, his body was completely exhausted, ready for bed. Ready for the end of everything. Now, somehow the arrival of Ray, the sensual touches from his lover’s magic fingers had rejuvenated his tired body, renewed his weary mind. Well, renewed it enough to think of getting Ray naked and in bed. He was sure he could muster up the energy for that.

Ray pushed off the wall and twisted Fraser in the direction of their bedroom. Five days had been far too long for him.

~*~

“What are you thinking?” Ray asked quietly as he drew imaginary patterns on Fraser’s bare chest.

Fraser grabbed Ray’s hand, stilling it long enough to pull it to his face to examine it. “What’s wrong with your hands?”

“What do you mean?” Ray pulled his hand free and examined it himself.

“They’re rough. What have you been doing to them?”

“It’s that stupid job. It tears your hands up. You should see the hands of the guy training me. Between callouses and wire cuts, I’m surprised I have any skin left on my fingers. And they freaking hurt like hell. I can barely hold onto anything they are so sore. Welsh didn’t tell me I was going to get banged up doing this job.”

Fraser cringed as he took Ray’s injured hands into his own and started rubbing them.

Ray winced at the discomfort but appreciated the gesture from his partner. “Hey, you still have any of that pregnant moose-gut concoction of yours?”

“Yes, it’s in the bathroom drawer. That will help with the cuts but not the sore muscles.”

Ray retracted his hands and rubbed them together himself in an attempt to soothe the sore muscles and joints. “I’m not sure I could do that job everyday. It’s brutal on your body.”

“You’re just not used to it yet. Every new job takes some getting used to. It’s physical.”

“No kidding," Ray stated with a slightly sarcastic tone. "Leave it to you to find the silver lining. I’m using muscles I didn’t even know I had. And that shit is heavy. Just an empty reel alone weighs 35 pounds. Add thirty-six thousand feet of wire to it and you’re looking at a hundred fifty pounds easy that you have to roll across the floor fifty times a day.” Ray sighed and dropped his head back into his pillow before continuing. He was exhausted just thinking about having to go back and do it all over again. This job couldn’t end quick enough. “And that doesn’t count the big reels of cabled wire they make. Those weigh over five hundred pounds.”

Fraser leaned over and kissed him on the forehead before crawling out of bed.

“Hey, where you going?”

“I’m going to get some of that salve for your hands.”

Ray scooted up the bed and re-examined his hands. They were difficult to see in the dark room, so he flipped on the bedside lamp. He frowned when he looked at his hands closely. The cuts and abrasions were red and painful. “They’re pretty bad, aren’t they?”

Fraser returned with the salve and a q-tip to apply it. “If you apply it now and let it work while you’re sleeping, they will feel much better in the morning.”

“But it stinks,” Ray whined and made a face.

“Then don’t use it,” Fraser snapped as he tossed it into Ray’s lap. When he saw Ray’s face fall, he was immediately sorry for the outburst. “I’m sorry.”

Ray shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I’m the one complaining about them hurting.” He held up the container. “Thanks.” He twisted off the cap and began applying the ointment as Fraser crawled into the other side of the bed. “You still gonna want to sleep next to me even if I have this smelly stuff on my hands?”

Fraser let out a small laugh. Ray’s question broke up the building tension. “Of course. It doesn’t smell that bad.” He patted the empty space beside him as an invitation for Ray to scoot closer. “I’m sorry. The last few days I just can’t seem to unwind." Ray flipped off the lamp and slid over to Fraser’s side of the bed. He snuggled close and leaned his head against Fraser’s shoulder. Fraser closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall. He worked his fingers into Ray’s hair and started to toy with the blond spikes.

“You've been pretty quiet tonight,” Ray broke the silence. “What’s going on? I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m worried about you, Ben.”

Fraser blew out a long breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “You shouldn’t be here, Ray. You could jeopardize your assignment.”

“You can’t jeopardize anything if they won’t let you come in and work on your days off.” Ray let out his own frustrated sigh. “Look, I didn’t want to spend any more time in that nasty apartment then I had to. It’s disgusting. Besides, I can’t make any progress on the case unless I can get in the building and watch people and I can’t just walk in the door and snoop around. They have those key card things that you have to use to get in _and_ out. It’s kinda freaky actually, being locked in the building. So, since they won’t let me in on scheduled days off, I thought I would surprise you and come home for a day.”

“Won’t they be suspicious that you’re not around?”

“Who? Nobody knows me. Nobody knows where I’m staying. As far as they know, I’m just some guy looking to make a buck.”

“I’m sorry.” Fraser rolled to his side and planted a kiss to Ray’s lips. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“What’s going on with you?” Ray asked as he nestled his head further into the crook of Fraser’s arm and began tracing the muscles on Fraser’s chest again. “I’ve never known you to be this…” Ray paused as he searched his brain for the right word.

“Distracted?” Fraser offered.

“Well, yeah.”

“There’s a lot going on around here.” Fraser pulled his arm from under Ray’s head and scooted back up against the headboard, pulling the sheets with him. “Someone tried to burn down the Consulate, something’s wrong with Diefenbaker, Jimmy…”

“The Consulate was arson?”

“From what I understand, yes. But Inspector Thatcher sent me home ‘to pull myself together’ before I could learn any details.” Fraser raked his fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe I forgot to call her. What is wrong with me, Ray?”

“You’ve got a lot on your plate right now.” Ray’s voice was unconcerned but his forehead was creased in worry.

“That’s no excuse. I’ve managed just fine in the past when things have been chaotic. I just can’t seem to get my feet under me.”

“Maybe you should take some time off,” Ray suggested. “Get away for a while, you know, maybe just until I get back home.”

“I can’t take time off now. The Consulate is a disaster.” Fraser waved a hand in the direction of the living room. “Did you miss the mess when you walked in?”

“I was kind of distracted when I walked in.” Ray grinned wide in the dark and drew imaginary lines around the muscles of Fraser’s chest.

“All of our files are in boxes in the living room.”

“Yeah, but thanks to you, it’s an organized mess. Ben, now is the perfect time. You’ve got so many unused vacation days piled up, why don’t you use them? Let the Ice Queen sort through the mess for a change.”

“I don’t want to use my vacation days on time away by myself. I’d prefer to use them to spend some time alone with you. Besides, as much as I would love to run away from everything, I just can’t.”

Ray twirled his thumbs around one another. He was worried about Fraser and he didn’t want to sound like a nagging mother hen, but something was off with the man. “What did your doctor say?”

Fraser folded his arms across his chest defensively. “He’s running tests on my blood work.”

“What about Dief? Any news on him?”

“No. I went to see him but the vet wouldn’t let me bring him home just yet.” Fraser tried to stifle a yawn, but it still escaped. “I’m sorry. I haven’t gotten much sleep.”

Ray leaned to the side and kissed Ben softly on the lips. “It’s okay. We’ll catch each other up in the morning.” He slid down under the covers and pulled the pillow in place under his head. Fraser followed Ray’s lead and did the same, hooking his leg over Ray’s. Ray pushed up on an elbow and adjusted his pillow, then laid back down. He sat up again and fluffed the pillow before flipping it over and repeating the gesture. He laid back down and frowned.

“What’s wrong?” Fraser asked. Usually when Ray’s head hit the pillow, he was out like a light within moments.

“Did you do something to my pillow?” Ray questioned as he sat up again and flipped the pillow over.

“No.” Fraser replied confused. Then he let out a small chuckle and smiled sheepishly. “Actually, yes. I’m sorry.” He sat up and handed Ray the pillow he had been sleeping on. “I switched them after you left.”

“Freak.” Ray gave Fraser a warm smile. “You keep it,” he winked at Fraser and settled his head into his partner’s pillow. “Your’s smells better than mine.”

Fraser smiled in the dark at his partner. It was good to have him home, even if it was only for the night. He laid down and closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. Beside him, he could hear Ray’s breathing even out. It didn’t take long and Ray was sound asleep, snoring lightly. ‘He must be exhausted,’ Fraser thought to himself. Ray rarely snored. If only sleep would come that easily to him.

A flash of lightening and a clap of thunder startled Fraser awake. He glanced at the bedside clock and groaned. He’d only been asleep for a little over an hour. The flashes of lightening were casting shadows on the walls of the bedroom. Fraser froze then dared a glance towards the window. Was someone there? Was someone outside on the fire escape? It was too difficult to tell if the clambering he was hearing was from the storm blowing in or if it was someone on the old metal structure outside his bedroom. His heart was racing and he could feel it pounding in his chest.

“Ray…” he whispered, nudging his partner in the side with his elbow to get his attention.

“Hmm?”  came a sleepy response.

“There’s something at the window.” Fraser rolled himself carefully up onto an elbow.

“It’s just the storm, Frase. Supposed to rain all night,” Ray mumbled as he pulled the blankets tighter around his neck.

“No, there’s some kind of shadow,” Fraser paused and held his breath. “Oh, God, it just moved.”

Ray sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked towards the window. “I don’t see anything, Frase.” He laid back down and pulled the covers around his neck again. “Probably just that old oak tree or a squirrel and the lightning. Go back to sleep.”

“No. I heard something.” Fraser tossed the covers back covering Ray with a double layer of blankets. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and sat there staring hard at the window. “Where’s your gun?”

Ray’s eyes flashed open at the mention of his weapon. “My what?” he muttered as he tried to wrap his head around Fraser’s anxiety. He sat up and grabbed for Fraser’s arm before he could get off the bed. “What are you going to do with my gun? Shoot a squirrel?”

Fraser yanked his arm away and bolted out of bed. “It’s not a squirrel and it’s not a tree.” His eyes darted between the window and Ray. “What if it’s Jimmy?”

‘Oh, shit. Fraser’s losing his damn mind,’ Ray thought to himself as he tried to process what Fraser was saying. “Jimmy?” Ray questioned as he scooted across the bed. ‘He’s got freaking bat ears. What if he’s right? No.’ Ray shook his head. ‘This is ridiculous.’ “You really think he’s going to come out during a torrential downpour and spy on you?”

By the time Ray dragged himself out of bed and cleared the remaining sleep from his eyes, Fraser was already at the window with the curtains thrown back. His eyes danced from side to to side as he tried to get a better view of the fire escape. He squinted against a flash of lightning and turned his head from the blinding light. It was followed by a loud clap of thunder that made both him and Ray jump. Everything he saw through the window was obscured by the rapidly accumulating rain drops on the pane of glass. Whatever was there before was now long gone.

Fraser flinched as Ray came up behind him, startling him. “See?” Ray’s voice was calm, reassuring, but his reflection in the rain streaked window was troubled. “Nothin’ there.” His own eyes passed from one side of the window pane to the other to reassure himself as much as his partner.

“I saw him,” Fraser stated firmly as he pressed his forehead against the window to get a better view.

“No, you just _think_ you saw him.” Ray slid his hands up Fraser’s chest and embraced him from behind. “Your heart is racing, Ben.”

Fraser struggled out of Ray’s grasp and spun around angrily. “You don’t believe me?”

Ray blew out a breath. The last thing he wanted to do was piss off an already panicked guy. He held up his hands and took a slow and decisive step forward. “No. What I think is you’re exhausted and under a lot of stress, Ben.” He softened his voice when he saw the hurt in Fraser’s eyes. Ben looked like he thought Ray was betraying him. “You think that Jimmy’s going to come after you because of what he did and you have every right to be anxious about that and feel that way. But you’re just imagining that you’re seeing him. You said so yourself, Ben. You thought you saw him at the park, but he can’t be in two places at once.” Ray reached out and took Fraser’s elbow. “Come back to bed and let’s try to get some sleep. It’s just a storm.” Ray threw a thumb over his shoulder as he tried to persuade Fraser to join him back in their bed. “Come on, I didn’t drive all this way to sleep alone.”

Fraser stole one last glance out the window and relented. Ray was right. It was just the storm.

~*~

“This has got to stop!” Luke screamed at Jimmy who sauntered into the living room, hair dripping wet, freshly lit cigarette dangling from his lips. “I didn’t go through a thousand hoops to get your ass out of jail just so you could keep slipping away in the middle of the night to spy on this guy.”

“Like I told you before, you need to _relax_. I’m not going to get caught.” Jimmy flicked the ash off the end of his cigarette and took another long drag. “He doesn’t even know what end is up anymore.”

“He still sounds pretty lucid to me. I was listening to him freaking out when he _thought_ he heard someone. You want to get yourself shot? ” Luke shoved his hands onto his hips. “Listen, you’ve been my friend for a very long time. Do not force me to cut ties with you over this because you can’t think with the right head. I told you when I got you out, we do this _my_ way.”

“The only thing you want is revenge on Ray.” Jimmy ran a hand through his wet hair dispelling some of the water with a flick of his wrist. “And the only thing I want, is him _out_ of the way.”

“He killed my older brother. I’ve waited a long time for an opportunity like this to present itself. It’s too bad you had to get yourself thrown into jail but it does work to my advantage. Don’t worry about Ray. My guys in Bremen will make sure he stays out of the way.” Luke wrung his hands together. “And then I can’t wait to get my own hands on him. But as for Benton, he needs to be completely unraveled in order for our plan to work. Maybe we should consider upping the dosage.”

“What’s Ray doing back here anyway?” Jimmy retrieved a beer from the fridge and flipped off the top. It skittered across the countertop and landed in the sink. “I thought you had that covered.”

“I got a call in to my guys. Don’t worry, they’ll get him back there and then we can continue with our plan of attack here.”

“This isn’t going to work if he keeps popping up. If Benton starts acting any more out of the ordinary around him, he’s going to haul his ass off to the hospital and then we’re screwed.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they keep him so busy at that factory he won’t know what end is up either. He’ll forget he’s even undercover.”

“What about this guy that supposedly knows Benton so well? You think he’s in all the way with us?” Jimmy set his beer bottle down on the countertop and leaned heavily against it.

“He got us some pretty good info on the Constable? He sure as hell better be committed or he’s going down with the rest of us if this blows up in our faces.” Luke lit his own cigarette and took a long drag. “He’s got his own reasons for wanting the Constable out of the way. Who am I to judge where our help comes from? Anything we can do to make Fraser look incompetent is just that much better. It helps to have the inside info on Fraser’s past. Who knew the guy had been addicted to pain meds?” Luke was looking smug, smiling a little with cruel intentions. He took a long satisfied drag off the cigarette and smirked at the ceiling. “Looking at him, he looks like a damn boy scout. We just have to make sure that twin of yours doesn’t get any ideas of his own.”

“Imagine my surprise,” Jimmy scowled. “Seriously, just imagine how I felt when you came to me in that there goddamn cell and told me I had a twin.” Jimmy glared at him. “Shame you didn't turn up when I was arrested in the first place. I could have done with a decent lawyer.”

“Well,” Luke shrugged. “You have a point. You wouldn't have been in jail if I'd been your lawyer from the start.”

Jimmy's lip curled, as though he had bitten a lemon. “You never did tell me why the fuck you decided to see me at all.”

“Easy enough. I saw you on the television; you looked just like a client of mine.”

“My dear brother .” Jimmy took a drag on his cigarette. “Well. I didn’t know anything about him growing up. How’d you find all that out anyway?” Jimmy asked curiously as he picked at the label on his beer bottle. “About me having a twin? My mom never mentioned anything about having a sibling.”

"Well, maybe she had her reasons."

“Yeah,” Jimmy snarled at the mention of his mother. “My mom’s a drunk.”

“Well, I have to agree with that. When I found your mother, she was holed up in the corner of a bar having a self-pity party.” Luke watched Jimmy with bright and malicious interest as he twisted the knife. “It was the day you were convicted. She kept going on about how she gave up the wrong kid, not that her other kid turned out any better, and how her life has been full of disappointments, blah blah blah. How she couldn’t do anything right in her life.” Luke chuckled at the expense of the worthless excuse for a mother. “This from a woman who was kicking back shots at noon.”

“Like I said,” Jimmy scowled. “My mom’s a drunk.”

“That she was. In fact,” Luke gave a quick and private smile, “she still is.” With fake sympathy, he patted Jimmy’s hand, which flinched away. “It must have been terrible,” he said, not even trying to hide his insincerity. “Growing up, I mean. Must have been terrible. She didn't care whose house you stayed at, did she? At the end of the day the only thing she cared about was that she didn't have to deal with you.”

“That’s how Ray and I became friends.” Jimmy’s mind drifted into memory lane. “His mom always let me stay because she knew what my own mother was like. Probably felt sorry for me. I haven’t seen my mom since I moved out right after high school.” Jimmy sneered as he flicked the sticky label off his finger onto the floor. “Maybe she should have put both her kids up for adoption.”

“Well, she didn’t, Buddy. Just have to deal with the cards you’re dealt. With the exception of this latest fiasco you’ve found yourself in, you haven’t done too badly for yourself.” Luke smoothed his hand down his suit coat. “You never became a lawyer or anything, but you managed well enough.”

Jimmy moved up on the balls of his feet ready to pop his friend upside the head. Luke had always talked like he was better than everyone else when they were kids. Jimmy guessed that adulthood didn’t change that trait in his friend. He could have been a lawyer, _if_ he wanted to. He just didn’t.

“Anyway, I did some snooping around. Being a lawyer I can get away with that kind of stuff and I managed to find him. Seems he hasn’t exactly lived on the right side of the tracks either. Seems he needed a lawyer as well to get himself out of a sticky situation. He was more than delighted to get to know you and help us out. Apparently, his adoptive parents weren’t all that great either.” Luke took another drag off his cigarette. “He liked to party as well. Got into some trouble with underage drinking, which of course led to even more rebellion which as you know from your past catapulted into some serious drug use to block out the misery of his everyday existence.

“Explain to me again why we’re friends?”

“I was always good at negotiating with people to get what we wanted.” Luke flicked his ash into a nearby tray. “You weren’t.”

“Where’s he at anyway?” Jimmy scanned the apartment. Finding out he had a twin was working out pretty well so far. He had been positioned on one side of the park while Jimmy was on the other, giving Fraser the impression he was seeing things. If they could just keep it up, Benton Fraser would be unraveled in no time.

“He’s sleeping.” Luke made a face. “When I got here this evening and couldn’t find you, I assumed you went over to Benton’s place.” Luke threw the hand held radio at Jimmy. “If you would have been _listening_ , you would have known Ray was back. I had to slip Ryan a sleeping pill when he said he was going to go spy on Fraser for you. That’s all I need is for both of you to get caught snooping around the man’s place.”

Jimmy caught the radio and slammed it down onto the countertop. “I _knew_ Ray was there. I wanted to see how they were together, now that Benton is messed up in the head. I wanted to see for myself how their relationship is being affected.”

“Haven’t you been listening over the past week?” Luke yelled. “They argue non-stop.”

“Exactly… but that means they’re _still_ talking, doesn’t it? And Ray did in fact come to check on him, didn’t he? We need to step up our game if we are going to split them up. It’s going to take more than Benton having a headache and acting irrational for them to go their separate ways.” Jimmy lit another cigarette and blew the smoke into the air. “We aren’t doing a very good job at keeping them apart.”

“I bet you enjoyed watching them have sex.” Luke snickered. “Sick pervert.”

~*~

Fraser stirred the eggs on the stove and pressed a palm into his left eye. Why did he have to start the day off with yet another headache? This one felt different, more like the onset of a migraine. He cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders, hoping to relieve some of the building tension. With Ray home, he was hoping to feel like himself again, more grounded. Yet, he felt even more unsettled. He stopped pushing the eggs around the skillet and thought about taking another dose of the tylenol, but it really seemed to have no effect on the previous headaches. Fraser groaned against the pain. He needed to figure out what was wrong with himself and soon. This had gone on long enough

Ray’s cell phone came to life on the counter as it rang and vibrated. Fraser picked it up, wincing at the shrill tone. He was about to answer but didn’t recognize the incoming number. “Ray,” he shouted from the kitchen, then winced again as the loudness of his own voice ratcheted his headache up another notch. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried again, prepared for the pain this time. “Ray?” he called,  hoping to catch Ray before he hopped in the shower. “Your phone is ringing.”

“Answer it,” Ray yelled from the bedroom.

Fraser hesitated. Ray was undercover and this could be from one of the contacts he had possibly made over the course of the last few days. “But I don’t recognize the number and I...”

Ray ran into the kitchen in only his boxers to take the call. He slid to a stop beside Fraser and took the phone from his partner’s outstretched hand. He wrinkled his brow in confusion when he turned the phone and scanned the display. The number was unfamiliar to him as well. “Hello?”

“Ray, hey it’s Shaun from work.”

“Oh, hey,” Ray answered as he pulled out a bar stool and took a seat. “What’s up?” A flash of panic crossed Ray’s face. “I wasn’t supposed to work today was I?” Ray ticked the days off in his head. The schedule that they worked at the factory took some getting used to and he was hoping he didn’t have it messed up in his head.

“No,” Shaun laughed lightly into the receiver. “It’s our day off. Sorry to call you man but I was hoping you could help me out. I got your number from HR. We are short a few people for night shift tonight and I was wondering if you’d like some overtime? I know it isn’t our normal shift, but I’ll be there as well and it does pay time and a half.”

“Time and a half, huh? Can’t beat that. What time?”

“Five pm. I know it’s not much notice and you’re probably exhausted from your first few days, but we could really use the extra set of hands and you caught on quick. I’d rather have you there than one of the other new hires. I’d really appreciate it.”

“Hey no problem. I didn’t have any other plans other than rubbing myself down with Ben-Gay.” Ray winked at Fraser and was met with a dish towel in the face at his attempted joke.

“Not funny,” Fraser mouthed before he took a sip of his coffee.

Ray tossed the towel back and grinned wide as he mouthed back, “Yes it was.” He coughed into his hand to try and hide the onset of laughter. “Sounds good. I’ll see you tonight.” Ray rolled his wrist and read the time on his watch. It would take him three hours to get back to Indiana and if he was going to be working the night shift, he should probably catch a nap. He would have to leave soon. “Oh, hey, when am I going to get my own key card to get in the building?”

“Your badge doesn’t work?”

“No, just lets me clock in and out.”

“Ok, I’ll get with HR and have them issue you a new one. We have this problem all the time with new hires.”

“Thanks,” Ray said as he rubbed his jaw. “It’s getting a little old knocking on the door waiting for someone to let me in at the butt crack of dawn.”

“The butt crack of dawn?” Shaun laughed through the receiver. “Yeah, some of the old timers like to give the newbies a hard time and pretend they don’t hear them. Hopefully the new one will work.”

“Ok, I’ll see you tonight then.” Ray disconnected the call and blew out a long breath. “Looks like I have to head back earlier than I planned.” He scrubbed his hand down his face. “God this is going to be a long day.”

“Your badge doesn’t work properly?” Fraser asked as he pushed the eggs around in the skillet before him.

“No, I can’t get in the building with it.”

“Hmm,” Fraser pursed his lips together, his forehead wrinkled in thought.

“What?” Ray asked. “Shaun said that was normal for new hires.”

“But you’re not really a new hire. I just think it’s odd that you’re undercover and the things you need, aren’t working properly.”

Ray scrubbed his jaw for a moment. “You think something’s up?” Here he was worried about Fraser’s well being and started to wonder if he shouldn’t worry about himself as well.

“It’s probably nothing, just an oversight on the plant manager’s part.” Fraser flicked a thumb across his eyebrow. “Just watch your back.”

“I will,” Ray promised.

“What time do you have to be there?” Fraser hung his head as he turned the heat off on the stove. “Do you at least have time to have breakfast with me? I wasn’t expecting you to come home, but now that you’re here, I really don’t want to let you go back quite yet.”

Ray strolled into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Fraser’s neck. He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Fraser’s lips. “Yeah,” he breathed out as he touched his forehead against Fraser’s. “I've always got time for you.” Ray planted a kiss to Fraser's lips and took a step back. "Whatcha' got cookin'?"

"Some eggs, bacon and potatoes." Fraser turned the heat back on the potatoes and gave them a quick stir.

"Fried potatoes?" Ray questioned.

“Just for you.” Fraser placed the spatula on the spoon rest and turned to face his partner. “Listen, about last night,” he started as he tucked the palms of his hands into the back pocket of his jeans. His cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. “I'm sorry about the way I reacted with the storm and what I thought I heard and saw.”

“You should take some time off.”

“When you're done with your assignment, then I will.” Fraser motioned to the boxes stacked in the living room. “I need to help figure out who tried to burn down the Consulate.” He folded his arms across his chest. “That task alone should help distract me from... other things.”

“If he comes anywhere near you,” Ray jabbed a finger into Fraser’s chest. “You call Welsh and have his ass thrown back into jail.”

Fraser grabbed Ray's finger in one swift motion. “I’ll be fine. Let's eat before breakfast gets cold.”

~*~

Fraser shut the door behind Ray and clicked the lock into place, effectively locking himself _in_ and the rest of the world _out_. His plan for the day had been to go into work and help sift through the debris from the fire at the Consulate, hoping to discover clues as to who set the blaze. A single phone call from Inspector Thatcher, while Ray was in the shower changed those plans. She had ordered him to remain home and further collect himself. But he was itching to do something constructive with his day. He glanced around at the boxes stacked in the living room and an idea popped in his head. If he couldn’t go into work, maybe he could work from home. Perhaps there was something in their files that would point to the culprit.

Fraser returned to the kitchen and opened the cupboard door to get some tea. He stared at the package and returned it to its proper place. He needed something stronger than tea this morning to keep him going and his mind focused. There were still a few cups of coffee left in the coffee pot from breakfast with Ray. “That will do for now,’ he said to the empty kitchen as he poured himself a full cup. He took the cup into the living room and placed it on the coffee table. ‘This is one of my strong suits,’ he thought to himself as he picked up the first box of files and placed it on the floor, then sat cross legged in front of it. ‘Digging through mountains of paperwork for that one clue.’ He always prided himself with not giving up when the odds seemed stacked against him.

A knock at the door startled Fraser out of his thoughts. He glanced at his watch and winced when he tried to straighten out his legs. Where had the time gone? It was well into late afternoon. He had managed to miss yet another meal since he had started sifting through the files searching for clues. He managed to stand up and shook his right foot as the pins and needles set in. The knock sounded again as he bent over and picked up a piece of paper that had skittered to the floor. He placed it neatly back into its file folder before taking a quick swig of coffee. Fraser made a face. A fresh pot was in order after answering the door. Fraser made his way to the door as the knocking continued. Lieutenant Welsh’s rumpled face appeared in the peephole. Fraser opened the door and took a step back.

“I thought maybe you could use a late lunch,” Welsh held up a red plastic bag of takeout and gave Fraser a lopsided guilty grin. “Okay, my wife hates sushi and I never get to eat it. Inspector Thatcher told me you were home ill today and I thought perhaps this would help. A win-win for both of us.”

“Ill, huh?” Fraser pulled the door all the way open and allowed Welsh into his apartment. “That’s not quite true, Sir.” Fraser bit back the rest of his response but his face betrayed him.

“I didn’t figure it was. “ Welsh could see the rising anger building on Fraser’s face and wanted to go back to the Consulate and confront Inspector Thatcher on Fraser’s behalf. “Otherwise we’d be eating chicken noodle soup instead of gourmet sushi.” Welsh’s beefy hand held up the plastic bag again. “Bon appetit.”

“Douzo meshiagare,” Fraser replied absently.

The lieutenant looked around the apartment. “Where’s the wolf?”

“He’s fallen ill. I had to take him to the vet this past week.” Fraser ushered Welsh towards the living room as he grabbed plates and napkins. “What can I get you to drink?”

Welsh let out a long sigh. “Ray have any beer in there?”

Fraser raised an eyebrow at the unusual request.

“It’s been a long day and I’m not going back into work, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Welsh placed the sushi on the coffee table next to Fraser’s cold coffee and pulled out the containers. “I had them make me an assortment. I wasn’t sure what you liked.”

“Any is fine, Sir, thank you for the gesture.” Fraser looked at his watch. Where _did_ the day go? It was already half past five. Ray would have been at work for almost an hour now. Fraser hoped he was making progress with the case even though he had an unexplained uneasiness about the assignment. His stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast with Ray. No wonder his head was still pounding. He had spent the entire day looking through files and had found nothing substantial.

Welsh settled on the couch and popped the top off his beer, taking a long swallow. “Now _that_ hits the spot.”

“Is everything okay?” Fraser asked before taking a drink from his glass of water.

“I don’t know how you work with that woman everyday, Constable.”

“Inspector Thatcher?” Fraser gave an exasperated sigh. “She does take some getting used to.”

Welsh stared at him for a moment, as though he had just sprouted an extra head. ‘What?’ Fraser wondered. ‘Why is he looking at me like that?’ Then he realized. He had just directly criticized a superior officer. “That is to say...” he stuttered. “I mean...”

 

Welsh shook his head, making a ‘don’t sweat it’ gesture with the hand not holding the beer bottle. “Don’t worry, Constable. I _understand_.”

“I really shouldn’t have -”

Welsh rolled his eyes, and carried on talking as though Fraser hadn’t said anything. “God, I was there for only a few hours and she was about to drive me crazy. Her constant demands of people and the way she treats Turnbull...”

“Constable Turnbull was there?” Fraser asked surprised. Was he acting that incompetent that he had been replaced by Turnbull of all people?

“Yeah, the poor guy couldn’t keep up with her today.”

‘To be fair,’ Fraser thought, uncharitably, ‘Constable Turnbull couldn’t keep up with Ray’s turtle on a good day.’

“I don’t mean to be rude, Sir and thank you for dinner, but-” Fraser paused. This was the important question, after all. “Why are you here?”

“I’ve never known you not to go into work. Hell, you work a full day at the Consulate and then come to the station and work a full shift with Ray. You took a bullet to the back and you barely were off a few months. When Inspector Thatcher said you had called in sick, I thought that was a little peculiar. With that Akers guy being out of prison and Ray being gone, I thought I would just pop in to see for myself how you were doing.”

“Did Ray tell you Jimmy Akers had been released?”

Welsh looked at Fraser, concerned. “Don’t you remember asking me to check on him through his parole officer the other day?”

Fraser froze, fear creeping up his spine in a slow shudder. How could he be so out of sorts that he couldn’t remember anything these past few weeks?

“Anyway, I did that and was told he has made every check in to date. Leave it to me to have a stack of paperwork on my desk a mile high. I came across the file with his release information in it this morning. I just want you to know that I never would have sent Ray on that assignment had I known. Thatcher should have given me a heads up. With you being her employee, she should have received the same information about you, as I did about Ray.”

“I don’t know.” Fraser shrugged his shoulders. Thinking back, he hadn’t come across any such file. He glanced at all the remaining boxes he had yet to sort through, it’s surely in there, _somewhere_. “It’s fine. She never told me either. Ray and I both got letters in the mail.” Fraser bristled when he thought back to Ray hiding the letter from him. He absentmindedly rubbed at his aching shoulder. “And I’m fine. I don’t need Ray here to take care of me.”

“But you’re clearly not sick.” Welsh’s tone was direct. “Why would she lie?”

Fraser shook his head. “No, I’m _not_ sick. However, I’m under the impression Inspector Thatcher feels I’m incapable of my duties at the moment.” Fraser scrubbed at his face with the palms of his hands. He let out a slow breath and continued. “To be honest, I haven’t been feeling like myself since we came home from Canada and apparently it’s affecting everything I do. I’ve done nothing but snap at Ray. To make matters worse, I forgot to call Inspector Thatcher and tell her about the fire.” Fraser motioned to the opened boxes Welsh had helped him move a few nights before. “I thought I would work from home investigating the arson. Maybe something in our files will lead us to the guilty party.”

Welsh stared at the young man before him. Fraser didn’t look up to par. He was pale and was fidgeting with his chopsticks, looking no better than he did the day Thatcher sent him home. Welsh wondered if he would even be able to use the chopsticks, his hands were shaking so bad. Maybe he _was_ sick. “I’m not sure what you’re looking for, but would you like some help?”

Fraser glanced from the boxes and then to Welsh. He tugged on his ear as his eyes darted towards his bedroom. “I would like some help, but of a different kind if you don’t mind.” Fraser’s thoughts drifted back to his jog in the park and the night before when he was so sure that Jimmy was outside his bedroom window. “Can you check with Jimmy Aker’s parole officer again for me?” Fraser twirled his thumbs around one another nervously. He didn’t even like saying the guy’s name let alone asking for help checking on him. “I just have this uneasy feeling that he’s been here.”

Welsh sat straighter on the couch, food and drink all but forgotten. “Has he been bothering you?” his voice was tight matter-of-fact.

“No. I just…” Fraser hesitated and stared at a spot on the floor. “I just need to know for my own peace of mind.” Fraser suddenly felt better saying that one simple sentence. He hadn’t been at peace since he found out Jimmy had been let out of prison. That would explain his mood swings, his irritable behavior, his lack of sleep. He needed to feel that peace again.

“Sure, I can do that.” Welsh toyed with his own chopsticks for a moment. “You're not scared of this guy are you?”

Fraser thought back to everything he and Ray had been through because of Jimmy Akers. “He terrifies me.”

~*~

Ray leaned against the building and let released the yawn he had been holding in for the past ten minutes. By the time he got back to the nasty apartment and caught a nap, it was time to get up again. His stomach growled and he realized he should have eaten something more than a slice of toast when he woke up. But he was concerned about missing Shaun and the other employees still were not letting him in the building. But the man wasn’t there yet and Ray was starting to worry. He twisted his wrist and read the time on his watch. Suddenly, the door flew open and a massive guy popped his head out. It was difficult to guess his age against the deep tan and bulging muscles that spilled out of his clothing.

“There you are. Been lookin’ for you for a while now.” He looked like the Incredible Hulk with his bulk and the muscles that billowed out of his cut-off shirt sleeves. “You Ray?” the man asked as his Pittsburgh Steelers hat caught in the evening wind and almost blew off his head. He clamped the ball cap down with a thick hand and caught the door with his foot so it didn’t slam shut.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Ray offered his hand and the guy dismissed it with a quick jerk of the head inside the building.

“Come on, we got work to do.”

Ray followed the man after scanning the parking lot one more time for Shaun. “Where’s Shaun?” he asked as he walked down the air conditioned hallway. He was savoring the cool air because once he crossed through the next door, he knew he would be hit with a wall of heat.

“Shaun is already back in his department.” The man held open the door for Ray and then followed him through into the heart of the plant. “Change of plans, you’ll be working for me tonight. Name’s Mike. Shaun told me he had an extra body to spare, so I need you on take-up.”

“Okay. What exactly is take-up?” Ray asked as he followed the massive man in the opposite direction of his department. He found it hard to breath and couldn’t believe that this part of the building was even hotter than the one he had been working in. ‘Good God,’ Ray thought as he wiped the growing sweat from his brow. ‘How do people work in this _everyday_?’

Mike didn't even look at Ray as he ushered him to the end of the line. “This is Zippy, he’s your line operator.”

“Uh, hi, _Zippy_ ?” Ray tried not to smirk at the obvious nickname. The man he was just introduced to could stand to lose a good hundred pounds. Ray was certain there was no _zip_ in Zippy.

“Hi.” Zippy, whoever he was, seemed less than friendly. Ray dropped the hand that he had held out automatically and let out his own dismissive huff. ‘That's what you get for dating a Canadian,’ he thought with a touch of sarcasm. ‘The politeness is contagious and nobody gives a fuck.’ He shoved his hands deep into his back jeans pockets and tried to make sense of Mike's spiel as he explained the layout of what he'd be doing.

“You mean I just stand here and put these reels on and take them off all night?” Ray asked as he stared at the machine before him that seemed to spit out a finished reel in the blink of an eye. If he actually had the time to clock how long it took, he would, but he _didn’t_. How the hell was he supposed to investigate anything if he was stuck on a machine like this for the next 12 hours?

“You need a break, ask Zippy and he’ll cover for you.”

Ray started to panic. What if he couldn’t keep up? He wasn’t used to this kind of work and in this heat no less. Throw in lack of sleep and it all seemed like he would fall flat on his face in a matter of minutes.

“Relax.” Mike’s deep voice snapped him back into reality. “Just take the finished reel off, put the empty one on, close the door and the machine will do the rest. One minute reels gives you plenty of time to label and package as well.” Mike smirked a little and nudged Ray in the shoulder. “You look a little scared there, Ray. I’ll tell Zippy to take it easy the first few hours, then I need you running up to speed.”

“Thanks,” Ray said dryly. “I’ll try and keep up.”

“That’s the spirit,” Mike said with a little too much enthusiasm for Ray’s liking.

Ray groaned as he dropped his backpack onto the table. He felt like he had just been thrown under the bus with this take-up assignment. It’s not like he could just spout out, _“Hey you, I’m undercover here. You’re not making my job any easier!”_ He let out a frustrated sigh, grabbed his wire cutters and shoved them into his back pocket and waited for Zippy to start the line.

“This blows,” Ray said to no one in particular. He looked around, hell, he was the only one that was back in this part of the building besides Zippy. _‘Zippy,_ ’ he snickered. ‘What the hell kind of name was that anyway?’ He decided to wander down and watch what Zippy was doing, maybe make some small talk with the guy, hopefully loosen the man up a bit. “Can I help you do anything?” he offered.

“Hold this,” Zippy’s hand shot out from his hunched over form on the floor and dropped a small die into Ray’s open palm. Good thing Ray had quick instincts. Credit his reflexes to working on cars for many years with an impatient father. “Stupid son-of-a bitch gives me another fucking moron to train three nights in a row,” Zippy muttered as he twisted the wire in his beefy fingers in an attempt to get it to go through the small opening before him. He adjusted his safety glasses as they slipped down his pudgy nose and swept his straggly hair away from his eyes. “Can’t ever catch a fucking break with that guy,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Woah there, buddy,” Ray bristled and moved up on the balls of his feet, instantly pissed off. Undercover or not, _nobody_ called him a fucking moron. “First off, I’m _not_ a fucking moron.”  He shot a finger in the air. “Second, I didn’t ask to be moved down here. I was supposed to be working with Shaun tonight, not doing whatever the fuck _take-up_ is.”

Zippy’s head snapped up, surprised at Ray’s outburst. Not a single new person had ever called him out before. “I’m sorry man,” his voice had a slight tremble to it and Ray wondered if he had scared the guy, or if maybe he was sick or something. He didn’t look sick, but he looked - off, somehow. There was something that seemed familiar, but Ray couldn’t place it. Maybe it was just that this dude wasn’t used to being knocked down a notch. The guy looked apologetic as he said, “It’s just, he brings me a damn newbie every time I turn around. Makes me wonder if he isn’t trying to sabotage my numbers and trying to get someone to replace me on the line.”

Ray shook his head. ‘Sabotage numbers? What the fuck?’ If he were a regular Joe and not undercover, he’d be hitting the road. No way would he work for someone like this guy Mike. Come to that, he wouldn’t work with Zippy either, if he had a choice. Although, Zippy didn’t seem that aggressive anymore. His eyes didn’t reach Ray’s when he apologized. Maybe his apology _was_ genuine. Then again… maybe not. Maybe he was just being shifty. Ray thought maybe Zippy had been putting on a show when he first met him and was intimidated by Mike. He was a duplicate version of the Incredible Hulk after all, Ray too would be leery of calling him out on anything. “Look,” he called out to Zippy, who seemed to be ignoring him, “give me a shot and don’t kill right from the get go and I’ll help you get numbers. I’m a quick learner, you just need to give me a chance.”

Zippy’s eyes lit up at the prospect of finally hitting his rate. “You ever done this before?”

Ray shook his head and Zippy’s excitement slipped away. “No, but like I said, I catch on quick.” That was one of the reasons Ray was so good at undercover. After all, the brass wouldn’t keep sending him on new assignments if he couldn’t think on his feet. Ray handed Zippy the wire cutters that were on the floor beside him and the die. “You need both of these now, right?”

Zippy gave what seemed an almost sincere grin. It could have been indigestion. Or a toothache. It looked kinda like a toothache. “I like you, Spike.” Zippy accepted both tools and returned to his work. “You just may work out back here.”

Ray smiled lightheartedly. “Spike’s an improvement to _fucking moron_.” Ray grinned a little on the inside. He had made a breakthrough. “Hey, how long you gonna be yet?” Ray threw his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the break room. “Do I have time to grab a Gatorade. It’s fucking hot in here.” Ray wiped the sweat from his brow to prove his point, not that he thought he needed to. Zippy was dripping in sweat already.

“You’ve got about ten minutes.” Zippy looked at his own watch to confirm the time frame. “And hey, don’t pay for a bottle of that shit. The cleaning ladies make up a cooler full of it for us. Get it out of there. It’s colder and tastes better.”

“Thanks man. You want one?” Zippy jerked a nod. “Cool.” Ray felt his anxiety ease a little. “I’ll be right back.”

~*~

For the next eight hours Zippy and Ray worked in harmony. Okay, so at least twenty percent of the time something was going wrong. On one occasion, Ray forgot to put the lock on the shaft securing the reel in place before closing the door. One minute and twenty seconds later he about had his first heart attack when the reel came flying off the shaft and hit the plexi-glass door. Zippy spouted off a few obscenities as he restrung the line and Ray swore to himself that would _never_ happen again. He just about had his heart rate back under control when the snagger didn’t cut the wire and there was shredded wire flying everywhere in the enclosed machine. Ray groaned and Zippy restrung the machine again.

But Ray didn’t panic, at least not on the outside. Maybe it was the fact that he was calm, maybe it was the fact that he was quick and didn’t leave things fucked up for too long. Maybe it was the fact that he was keeping up a cheerful banter and listened to Zippy’s complaining - whatever it was. Zippy clapped him on the shoulder several times and grinned wider each time. Things started going more right than wrong. True to his word, Ray caught on quick and Zippy was obviously appreciating it.

“You know, Spike,” Zippy said, leaning back against the wall for a moment and taking a swig of his drink. “I haven’t had the line running this fast in months.”

“Yeah?” Ray grinned. “Told you I was good.”

“Arrogant bastard,” Zippy joked. “You know,” he mused, “I should maybe ask to get you on nights.” He dragged the chewed up toothpick he’d been gnawing on all night between his teeth. For a moment, Ray wished he’d get a splinter in his tongue and shut up for five minutes. Zippy dropped the sarcasm. “You didn’t lie about being quick,” he exclaimed a little surprised. “You don’t stand around moaning and groaning about getting the shit job when it should have been someone else.” He looked at him speculatively. “You’re good at teamwork. What did you used to do?”

Ray shrugged. “A little bit of everything,” he said.

“So, why did you leave your last job?” Zippy sounded just a little too interested, and a bit suspicious. Ray wiped sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm. Best way to lie was to tell the truth, he thought.

“My, uh, my wife left me.” He shrugged. “Didn’t want to stick around after that.”

“Yeah?” Zippy seemed to relax. “That sucks.” He rolled his shoulders and dropped his voice and head, staring at the ground. “My wife just left me too. Guess after ten years she decided we weren’t compatible anymore.”

“Yeah.” Ray looked away, feeling guilty. Fact was, it didn’t suck at all that Stella had left him. Not anymore. If she hadn’t left him he’d never have met Fraser. “Well. You know. _Life_.”

“Life.” Zippy laughed. “Not all it’s cracked up to be.”

Ray turned back to the job in hand. The conversation was making him uncomfortable. Zippy joined him. “You’re gonna be sore tomorrow,” the man said as he took a box off the tape conveyor and stacked it for Ray on the skid. “First day doing this is always the hardest on people.”

“Oh yeah?” Ray questioned as he stretched his back. He could feel the tightness and tension building around his shoulder blades from doing the same repeated action for the last eight hours. “I do have some Ben -Gay at home.” He fought back the urge to smirk at his own inside joke. What he wouldn’t give for a back rub from Fraser when he was done with his day. “Is that why it’s so hard to keep people back here or is it just your charming attitude they can’t handle?”

“Asshole,” Zippy jeered. “How long you been here, Spike?”

Ray ticked the days off in his head as he loaded up an empty reel into the machine. “This makes day four.”

“Day four, huh?” Zippy slapped him a little too hard on the back and Ray lurched forward. “Why, we’re practically family now.”

“Family, huh?” Ray asked. “How about you? How long’s it been for you?”

“Too damn long.” Zippy mock punched Ray in the shoulder. “I’ve got a couple things to do before this next color change over. Count out ten reels and then you can take a five minute break.”

“Ten reels, five minutes to catch my breath. Got it.” Ray slapped a sticker on the finished reel and dropped it into the nearby box.

Ten minutes later Zippy knocked Ray’s elbow out from under his head. “You snore, Spike.”

“Jesus!” Ray sat up with a start. Last thing he remembered was finishing the tenth reel. Then he sat down and… _crap_. He’d fallen asleep on the job. He winced. Zippy was right. He was going to be sore. “Was I drooling too?”

Zippy snorted as he slung a dingy shop rag over his shoulder. “Yeah, just a little. I mopped it up for you. You uh, need a little pick me up?”

Ray perked up. “You got coffee?” And yes, he could _almost_ smell the aroma from a fresh cup of coffee.

“Nah, coffee’s in the breakroom.”

Ray groaned and leaned his tired head back into the palm of his hand. Nothing would be better than a steaming hot cup of coffee at this juncture, even if he didn’t have any chocolate to stir into it. He didn’t care.

Zippy leaned in closer, dropped his voice a notch, his eyes scanning the area around them. “I’ve got something better than coffee.” He pulled his hand out of his shirt pocket and revealed a Tic-Tac bottle.

It wasn’t the first time Ray had seen this kind of thing, and maybe this wasn’t what it looked like. Maybe it _was_ just a container of Tic-Tacs. _Whatever._ His cop senses were tingling. He was on to something. Still - he was good at his job. His _real_ job. He just blinked, blearily, and yawned, didn’t let anything suspicious show.

“My breath that bad?” he questioned through another stifled yawn. Inside, his heart was racing. He was here to uncover wire theft, was there also a drug problem in the plant?  With the size of the supervisor, Ray had to wonder if there was more going on. The guy looked like he ate steroids for breakfast on a regular basis. Either the higher ups didn’t pay much attention to the unusually muscular male or they just looked the other way.   

Zippy’s voice faded in from left field. “Promise. This will get you through the last three hours.”

Ray could feel panic beginning to rise up from within. Zippy was trusting him. Trusting him to take the offered pill. If he didn't take it, he wasn't sure he'd get another shot. The open door would be permanently closed. He could accept the small white tablet but not actually _take it_. Fuck, he was so tired his brain was fried. If he questioned Zippy about the pill, he felt like he'd be burning a bridge he had worked all night to build. Ray stuck his hand out.

~*~

When Ray closed the door of the run down apartment he was staying in, he felt like he could have worked another three hours if they would have let him. Zippy must have popped a pill as well because Ray hadn’t seen him move that quickly the first nine hours that they had worked. Didn’t think he was physically able with the way he had been carrying on about all the damn medical conditions he supposedly had. High blood pressure, borderline diabetic, nasty skin condition. That much was obvious. Ray shuddered at the scaley skin on Zippy’s legs and arms. He also had a couple of bad knees… the list went on and on as the night wore on. But ten minutes after Zippy had offered Ray the little white ‘ _miracle pill_ ’ as he had called it, Zippy himself seemed to be a new man.

Ray slung his backpack onto the grungy tan couch. He felt like a new man himself. Initially, he had meant to pop the pill under his tongue and save it for evidence. But the damn thing dissolved so fast, he didn’t have time to remove it. Ray wasn’t expecting that. Nor was he expecting the immediate effects of the drug. Not nearly as bad as he thought. He didn’t experience any jittering, his heart didn’t feel like it was going to explode out of his chest. He was completely re-energized as if he had just had ten hours of the most restful sleep. But as he bounced around the miniscule kitchen half expecting food to materialize out of thin air, he was hit with the equivalent of a coffee crash times three.

“Fuck,” he blurted out as he dropped himself to the kitchen floor and just sat there staring at the refridgerator, completely spaced out. He wasn’t sure if the sudden onslaught of the crash was worth the three hours of energy the ‘little miracle’ provided. Ray wondered if Zippy was experiencing the same crash as him or if his body was immune. He hadn’t been paying attention to see if Zippy had been popping the little pills all night. He doubted it though, since he never saw the Tic-Tac container but the one time and the rest of the night, Zippy was slower than a slug stuck in molasses. Zippy was right. He made it through the last few hours of the shift. Now all Ray wanted was sleep.

~*~

Fraser dropped a heavy hand onto the blaring alarm clock, effectively silencing the device. He groaned and rolled back over to Ray’s side of the bed, pulling the sheet with him. The summer sun was peeking through the split in the curtains, casting shadows around the bedroom. Fraser could tell already it was going to be another hot and humid day. Inspector Thatcher may not be too keen on his work ethics at the moment, but at least she hadn’t been cruel enough to subject him to sentry duty.

He knew that he needed to get up and get around for work, but his body felt as if he had been on the losing end of a fight. If ever he should actually call off work sick, today would be a good day. Perhaps he was coming down with the ’flu. Muscle aches were a symptom, and he really did ache everywhere. He scrubbed a hand over his forehead and steeled himself to get out of bed. One leg fell over the edge of the bed and then Fraser forced the other one as well, sitting up slowly until both feet were planted firmly on the floor. He looked around his bedroom and for a split second imagined Ray being home. Clothes were discarded beside the hamper, rather than in it. ‘Classic Ray move,’ Fraser thought dryly. He was always picking up after the man. But then he realized those were _his_ clothes, not Ray’s. What was wrong with him? Had Ray worn off on him so much that he was now transformed into a slob? Fraser mentally scolded himself. ‘Get a grip, Ben.’ First thing on the list of chores when he got home from work was laundry.

He slowly made his way to the kitchen to make some breakfast and tea. When he stepped around the breakfast bar and saw the state of the kitchen, he added _wash dishes_ to his list. His stomach began growling as he untwisted the bread tie. Maybe he should have eaten a few more pieces of sushi when Lieutenant Welsh had brought him dinner. He had been hungry but quickly lost his appetite when Welsh starting asking him about Jimmy. The man had stayed longer than Fraser was expecting, but he did manage to help him go through one box of files.

Fraser pushed the lever on the toaster, dropping the bread down into the machine and leaned against the counter. God he was tired this morning. He stared at the clock on the microwave oven. Ray was probably in bed already, dead to the world. Or so wired that he was out searching for the nearest breakfast buffet. With Ray, you never knew what you were going to get at the end of a long shift or a long overnight stakeout. He smiled, thinking about him. That unpredictability was one of the things that he loved most about Ray. Life was never boring when he was around. ‘No wonder I’m feeling down,’ he thought. ‘I miss Ray.’ He sighed, and rolled his eyes at his own maudlin sentimentality. ‘Good grief, you’d think he’s never coming back. He’s fine. You’re worrying about nothing.’ The toast popped up and out of the toaster, startling him back into the present. He swept the crumbs into the sink. One less mess to clean up when he got home.

A knock at the door made him jolt in surprise, and he sloshed his tea on his shirt.  Cross with himself he wiped the stain. Why was he so jumpy these days? Not to mention - ‘who on earth would be visiting at this hour?’ Fraser pondered the possibilities as he checked the time. It was far too early for visitors. Anyone who knew him knew that he would be preparing for work. It was probably a neighbour asking him to get a kitten out of a tree or fix a lamp. Perhaps Ray had a point, and he should stop trying to help everyone. At times like this he felt they were taking advantage.He attempted to ignore the next knock, and took a bite of his peanut butter toast. It stuck in his throat. Either it was too dry or he wasn’t hungry. He forced himself to swallow and washed it down with a swallow of scalding tea. He grimaced, but at least the food and tea cleared out the bad taste from his mouth. Whoever it was knocked again. Taking a look through the peephole revealed Inspector Thatcher on the other side of the door. Fraser’s shoulders slumped. ‘What on earth does _she_ want?’ He looked down disconsolately at his stained t-shirt. Well, what did she expect this time of the morning? The evil side of his brain told him to ignore her and go about getting ready for work. Instead, he unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door.

“Good morning, Constable,” she remarked as she smoothed the wrinkles from her blouse. She had had her arms folded across her chest as she waited impatiently for Fraser to open the door. “May I come in?” she asked, as she stepped into the room and looked around.

“Of course.” Fraser stepped back and reigned in his resentment at her high handed behavior. “I was just finishing up breakfast. Would you like a cup of tea?” he offered.

“No, thank you,” she replied, declining his offer.

Fraser eyed her suspiciously. It wasn’t like her to come to his place before work - or ever for that matter. “What brings you by this morning?” He managed to keep his distrust out of his voice, and maintained as pleasant a manner as possible. “I’m not late am I?” He knew perfectly well that he wasn’t, but the ball was in her court.

Thatcher chuckled and smoothed her blouse again, her own nervous tick perhaps. Or perhaps, Fraser thought uncharitably, she was subconsciously drawing attention to her - assets. Maybe even consciously. It was hard to understand the workings of the Inspector’s mind. “No, I was uh, here to tell you that you won’t need to come into the Consulate this morning.”

“Oh,” he replied. His brow furrowed in confusion. Could she not have used the phone? Not that the way she communicated this information was the important thing. What had he done wrong? He could feel the anxiety knotting between his eyebrows as the tension headache that had been dogging him for days worsened. “I don’t understand. Don’t you want my help investigating the arson? Or at the very least, could you use my help cleaning up the mess left behind?”

“I will be handing the investigation from our side of things while Lieutenant Welsh has developed a team to help with the Chicago side of the matter.”

Surely as liaison between the Chicago PD and the Canadian Consulate he should be involved in a joint investigation? Why was he being sidelined? “And what am I to do?” he asked growing agitated. He tried very hard not to show it, but he was sure she could tell that his heart was pounding and his hands were sweating.

“Well,” she surveyed the kitchen, disdainfully. “You could start by tidying up this place. And perhaps change into clean clothes.”

“Excuse me?” Fraser could barely hold back his outrage. First she practically pushed her way into his apartment, and now she had the nerve to insult him for his housekeeping? What on earth did it have to do with her? He took several deep, slow breaths, and started counting back from ten in Mandarin. “I _had_ been about to have a shower and change into my uniform.”

The Inspector folded her arms across her chest and spoke firmly. “I don’t know what is going on with you at the moment, Constable, but you certainly need to pull yourself together.”

Fraser was perfectly capable of being calm. He was not going to raise his voice, no matter how much he wanted to. “I assure you, Sir, that I am fine.” His voice was controlled and his heart rate was slowing down. This was all being blown out of proportion. “I may be feeling under the weather at the moment but that in no way is affecting my ability to do my job.”

“I beg to differ with you, Fraser.” Her eyes flashed at him. “Because, in case you forgot, my building caught fire and _you_ -” she jabbed her finger at him, “you, Constable, failed to notify me,” Thatcher snapped.

‘God give me strength.’ Fraser could almost hear his grandmother’s voice, as though she was in the room, keeping an eye on proceedings. If she had been in the room she wouldn’t have approved of the Inspector in the slightest. She wouldn’t have approved of his housekeeping either, but that was another matter. Fraser took a breath, dragged his mind back from its distraction. “There was a logical explanation, if you would have let me explain it to you.”

“I don’t need to hear any of your petty excuses. You used to be top notch, nothing interfered with you from getting your job done promptly. Now, nothing is in order.” Thatcher spotted the boxes of files stacked in the living room. “Well,” she conceded. “I can see you did one thing correctly. I’ll have Constable Turnbull come around tomorrow and bring the files to my place. Make sure you’re here when he arrives.”

Before Fraser could respond, another knock sounded at the door. ‘What now?’ It was seven thirty in the morning, and already this day couldn’t end soon enough. Fraser scrubbed a hand over his forehead and moved to answer the door.

The woman on the other side was young, and blonde and pretty . Fraser would have guessed her age to be in her mid to late twenties. Not someone he recognized either. Perhaps she was a neighbour’s daughter or friend asking for assistance. He opened the door. “May I help you?”

“Hi there,” she grinned wide, showing off too many perfectly straight teeth that were far too white. The young woman twirled her curly blonde hair around her index finger. “Is Ray here?”

“Ray?” Fraser stared blankly at the woman’s tapering pink nails. How did Ray know this woman?

“Yeah, Ray,” she said in a dreamy voice. “You know, spiked blond hair with a touch of honey, graceful dancer.” She leaned forward, hair still twirled around her finger and _almost_ whispered, “ _Great_ in the sack.”

For a second the words made no sense. Then it hit him. Fraser’s stomach clenched. Behind him, Inspector Thatcher had moved within hearing range. She was without a doubt drawing up her own conclusions about their relationship.

“I’m sorry…” he managed to force out. “Ray’s not here.”

“Well bummer,” she pouted and stuck out her bottom lip. “He forgot some things at my place last night.” She shrugged a bag from her slender shoulder and unzipped it. She pulled out a pair of jeans and some hair gel and shoved them into Fraser’s arms. Ray’s _missing_ jeans and hair gel.

Fraser was sick. He was so sick that he was weak and dizzy with it. ‘Don’t fall over,’ he thought desperately, and swayed slightly on his feet. Ray had _lied_ to him. He hadn’t gone back to work the night shift, he had gone to shack up with some floozy.

The woman trailed her thin finger down his jawline. “Hmm. Nice,” she said, speculatively. “Ray didn’t tell me what a knock-out his roommate was. God, the _three_ of us should get _together_ one night.” She winked and lifted his chin with the tip of her finger.

Fraser wanted to throw up. And to make matters worse, his boss had heard every word this woman had said.

“Here’s my number. Ray keeps sneaking out before I can give it to him.”

“But somehow you managed to get his address,” Thatcher exclaimed from behind Fraser. She wasn’t helping make the situation any easier to handle.

The blonde ignored her and shoved the piece of paper into Fraser’s clenched fist. “Just tell him Gwen stopped by and have him give me a jingle.” She spun on her heel and sauntered down the hallway towards the elevator.

“Trouble in paradise?” Thatcher asked with a raised eyebrow. Fraser stared down at the items of clothing that the woman had pushed into his arms. He wanted to throw them away, wanted to run away, didn’t want to move. Anything he did would draw Thatcher’s attention even more to just how messed up everything in his life suddenly was. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say. How do you explain a strange woman showing up on your doorstep, returning your partner’s belongings?

You couldn’t. He shouldn’t have to. The Inspector should do the decent thing and just leave before he broke down completely.

Rather than look at his boss he stared at the numbers printed out neatly on the piece of paper. They looked vaguely familiar.

‘Oh my God,’ Fraser thought and his stomach knotted even more. That was the phone number that had called Ray the morning before. Ray had said it was Shaun from the factory asking him to work the nightshift. The doubt and fear that he had been trying to deny grew even stronger.  Ray _really_ had lied to him. Flat out lied. How else could this woman have gotten ahold of his belongings? How long had this been going on? Had Ray just met her? Of course she had. Ray hadn’t even had the woman’s phone number. Or - no, that didn’t make sense either. Perhaps they had been seeing each other for a while. After all, she had known where they lived. She had called him Ray’s ‘roommate.’ That was - that was appalling. Ray had lied to her as well.

Oh God.

“Ahem,” Thatcher cleared her voice, breaking into his spiralling panic. “I think it might be a good idea if you take some time off. Get your home life in order.” Her voice was void of all sympathy. Almost as if she was chanting, ‘ _I told you so..’_

Fraser stepped back, and yanked the door all the way open. “Get out,” he demanded. He couldn’t bear her presence for a moment longer. Right now, this was his home and Thatcher was no longer a welcomed guest.

“You’re off until Monday morning,” she declared as she stepped over the threshold and turned to face him. “At that time, I’ll be completing a full re-evaluation of your duties.” She turned to leave.

Fraser slammed the door behind her and threw Ray’s belongings to the floor. He couldn’t hold them a moment longer. The bile churned in his stomach as his mouth flooded with saliva. He stepped over the jeans and hair gel, running to the bathroom before he lost his breakfast on the floor. When he was done vomiting, he went to the kitchen and filled a glass full of water, gulped it down and filled it again. This time he drank it more slowly as he tried to wrap his head around what had just transpired. Had their whole relationship been a farce? Or was it that Ray did love him, but missed female company? He had been married for so long, and had loved his wife. The young woman who had just blasted a hole in their lives looked very much Ray’s ‘type.’ Blonde, petite, pretty. She looked like a young Stella. Fraser had often felt insecure, knowing how far distant he was from Ray’s usual tastes, but Ray had assured him that he loved him. Fraser had believed him. Was it something that he had done? Was it something that he said, something that he could change? Or was there some lack in him that Ray needed to find elsewhere?

Fraser couldn’t bear it anymore. He needed to get out of the apartment. Needed to get away from anything that reminded him of Ray. The phone rang and he ignored it. There was no way he could talk to anyone.

When Fraser stepped out into the morning sunshine, the humidity in the air took his breath away. He closed his eyes and breathed deep and tried to calm his raging nerves. He was angry.  Angry with Inspector Thatcher for the way she was treating him with respect to his job duties, like he couldn’t staple two papers together without assistance. He was angry with Ray. No. He was _furious._ Angry didn’t even begin to touch how he was feeling towards Ray. There were no excuses to be made. He would never have betrayed Ray. No matter the reason. How could Ray do this to him? Fraser started walking as the agonizing unanswered questions filled his head. How could someone that claimed to love you, showed you love… cheat on you? He swallowed the rising bile and kept walking. Ray cheated on him? He couldn’t manage to wrap his head around what was happening in his life. He had trusted Ray, so completely. And how do you confront that person that you’ve given your whole heart to? How do you ask ‘ _Why did you do this to me? I would never have done it to you._ ’ Fraser’s head spun. The throbbing headache intensified ten times over. He wanted to go home. Home to Canada.

“Benton?”

Fraser heard his name from behind and fear crept up his spine. The only people that had ever called him Benton where his Mother, Grandmother, Francesca Vecchio and _Jimmy Akers_. His blood ran cold as he slowly turned around and came face to face with the monster.

For the first time since leaving the apartment, Fraser took in his surroundings. He didn’t know how long he had been walking or where he was intending to go when he had left, he just needed to get _away_. People on the sidewalk were going on about their own business. Some were jogging with headphones covering their ears, a few were busy with phone calls. Nobody was paying him or the man before him any attention.

“I thought that was you,” Jimmy had his hands tucked deep into his back pockets. It was almost as if he was restraining himself from reaching out and touching Fraser.

Fraser took a step back. Today was getting worse by the minute. He couldn’t even leave the house without some fresh horror finding him. “Stay the hell away from me!” Fraser’s voice was taut. He couldn’t keep the tremors at bay.

Jimmy  held his hands up and cast his glance from side to side to make sure no one on the sidewalk was paying any attention to them. “Woah, calm down before you make a scene. I’m not a threat. I was walking to get a coffee and I just happened to see you.” He smiled, like they were friends. “Can’t exactly miss the hat you wear.”

Fraser turned to leave, not wanting to be anywhere near Jimmy.

“Listen,” Jimmy jogged to catch up with Fraser and pulled on his elbow to get him to stop.

Fraser shoved Jimmy’s hand off his arm. “Don’t touch me!”

Jimmy took a step back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I have a lot of things to be sorry about. Since my release, I’ve been wanting to apologize for what I did put you and Ray through.”

“You have no idea what you put us through,” Fraser snapped back. “No idea how long it took us to…” Fraser closed his eyes against the memories. “Just... get away from me and leave me alone.” Fraser turned his back and forced himself to walk, not run. He wanted nothing more than to get away. It didn’t even matter anymore where he went to, so long as it wasn’t anywhere near Ackers.

Jimmy stood on the sidewalk, watching his back, the stiff way he held himself as he left. As Fraser rounded the corner and vanished from sight Jimmy smirked.

“You just think I’ll leave you alone.”

~*~

By the time Fraser had calmed down enough to think straight he had walked most of the way to the Two Seven on autopilot. After all, Lieutenant Welsh _had_ promised Fraser he would look into Jimmy’s whereabouts for him. He needed to let him know what had just happened. The initial shock of seeing Akers was moving to outrage at the fact that the guy had the nerve to not only approach him but to _touch_ him as well. Fraser shuddered. That in itself must constitute some sort of assault. At the moment Fraser couldn’t quite think what the legal term was, but touching someone who you had tried to rape - that was violation, surely?

He walked through the Bullpen, ignoring the concerned looks of Ray’s colleagues. He supposed that his appearance, unkempt as it was, drew attention to him in a less than flattering way. He honestly didn’t care - and he honestly couldn’t be bothered to talk to anyone.

Before he knew it he was standing outside Welsh’s office. He raised his hand to rap on the glass and paused. On one side of Welsh’s desk he could see Inspector Thatcher, on the other side a man who Fraser recognized as the police union rep. For whatever reason, they were vying for Welsh’s attention. Today, of all days, he did not want to see the Inspector again. He steeled himself. There was no choice. He pushed his way through the door, preparing to apologise for interrupting a meeting. This couldn’t wait though. He had to get it over.

The Union Rep was speaking. “I just need two more of your officers, Lieutenant, and then you may resume your meeting with the Inspector.”

Welsh blew out a long sigh. Why did the Union have to pick today of all days  to do random drug testing when he had a large number of officers out working a multiple homicide? “Um,” He scratched the top of his head with his beefy hand. “Grab Louis and Hawkins…”

“Hawkins is out on paternity leave. His wife had their baby yesterday.”

“Damn…” Welsh stood up and scanned the bullpen.

Thatcher caught sight of Fraser as he pushed his way through the door. 'What about Constable Fraser?" She looked disdainful. "Despite his appearance, I can assure you that he's a liaison with the Chicago Police Department. You can test him as well."

Welsh shrugged. It was a waste of money. Fraser was the cleanest guy he’d ever met, even if Thatcher had a point about his appearance. Was that a tea stain on his shirt? Oh, who cared. “Fine, take Constable Fraser and go.” Welsh shooed the union rep out of his office. “Fraser, you can stay.”

Fraser looked a little confused as Thatcher and the Union Rep left the room.

“You were expecting me, Sir?”

“Not really, but I’m glad you came. The CPD Union Rep is selecting officers for a random drug screen and since most of my guys are gone today, Inspector Thatcher here has given us the okay to add you to our list. So, if you would follow Mr. Myer, he’ll be performing the test.”

“When I’m done, may I have a moment of your time?” Fraser questioned.

“Of course. The Inspector has a few things to discuss about our liaison with the Consulate, but I’m free after that.”

“Is there a problem with our program?” Fraser asked Thatcher.

“That is something the Lieutenant and I need to discuss in private.”

Fraser nodded. “Understood.”

~*~

After the drug screening he was given more paperwork than he thought reasonable. The doctor told him his blood sugar was low, and to get something to eat, and he pretended to acquiesce. As soon as he could he returned to Welsh’s office. Nobody was answering the door, but when he swung it open he could see not only was the Lieutenant there, Thatcher was back too. She was leaning over the table, in the Lieutenant’s face. They were clearly in the middle of an argument. Fraser cleared his throat to announce his presence, even as wondered if he should just step out until they had stopped fighting about - whatever it was that they were fighting about. “Lieutenant,” he said, “Sir? I’m sorry, but -”

Thatcher straightened up and wheeled on Fraser.

“Constable Fraser,” she pointed at him accusingly. “Could you close the door please?”

Fraser did as he was asked, feeling utterly disoriented. Today was unlike any other day he could ever remember. He was surprised he was on his feet, to be honest, and he hadn’t even had time yet to tell Welsh about Jimmy Akers. He looked across at the Lieutenant, wondering if he would give any clue as to why Thatcher was so angry. He couldn’t read Welsh’s face. The big man was staring fixedly at a piece of paper in his hands. He looked more shocked than anything. “Is something wrong?” Fraser asked. There was a lot of negative energy swirling around the room.

“Constable.” Thatcher’s mouth was tight and angry. “I require an explanation.”

“An explanation for what?” Fraser asked, confused.

Thatcher ripped the paper out of Welsh’s hand. _“This!”_ she exclaimed and waved the piece of paper in front of Fraser’s face. He took if from her hands and began to read it.

“The subject tests positive for Vicodin. Further tests are needed to identify other chemicals in the sample.”

Wait. What? He’d failed the drugs test? _Failed?_ Fraser’s brow wrinkled in confusion. How was that possible? This must be someone else’s report.

“An explanation for _this_ Constable.”

“Clerical error?” Fraser swallowed. That had come out sounding glib. Thatcher picked up on it instantly.

“This is no laughing matter, Corporal. I shall ask again. Do you have an explanation?”

“I - I don’t have one.” Fraser flinched from his superior’s eyes. It was not that he was ashamed - he had nothing to be ashamed of, for heaven’s sake, he hadn’t done anything - but it was obvious that the Inspector was losing all faith in him. If this mistake was not sorted out soon then Fraser might not just be suspended pending a fitness review. He might lose his job.

“Not even a denial?” Thatcher huffed a sigh. “Well, that’s something, I suppose.” She clacked her tongue, and stared again at the papers in her hand. “I need not tell you,” she said, “how very disappointed I am.”

“Sir,” Fraser pinched the bridge of his nose. “I honestly can’t explain the results. I’ve been feeling under the weather for some time, I admit that, but I haven’t been taking any drugs. A few of Ray’s Tylenol for my headache, but nothing illegal, I assure you.”

“Oh,” she arched an eyebrow. “A denial _after_ all.”

“Well, of course I deny it!” Fraser heard his voice sharpen, and tried to reign in his temper. It wouldn’t help at this juncture. “I deny it because it isn’t true.”

“These results suggest otherwise.” Thatcher flashed the papers up in the air.

“It’s a clerical error.” Fraser straightened, settled into parade stance. “Perhaps someone labelled the samples incorrectly. The results came through very quickly after all, and mistakes happen. If you run my phlebotomy and urology again then -”

“Then you’ll make sure you pass this time.” Thatcher shook her head, looking sad now. “I know how these things work. Fraser -” she placed the drug report on the desk. “I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately. I know that your - your home life hasn’t been ideal, and I’m sorry that Ray has been - well - that’s not my business, but I know things have been hard.”

“Sir?” Fraser bit back anger. “With all due respect, I don’t feel that my home circumstances have anything to do with you.”

Her sympathetic expression went cold again. “Well, generally I would agree. However, if your - relationship difficulties have anything to do with your obvious drug problem, then I think it is my business, don’t you?”

“ _I’m not taking drugs!_ ” Fraser snapped. He just couldn’t understand where this was coming from. It didn’t help that his head was killing him.

“It says here, Constable, that you’ve tested positive for Vicodin.” She sighed. “Of course,” she added. “I may be accusing you prematurely. I should have asked in the first place. Do you have a valid prescription?”

Vicodin? He had seen that on the report. It was ridiculous.

“No, Sir.” Fraser swallowed. “In fact, Vicodin is contraindicated in my circumstances. It has never worked for me, other than make me feel sick and give me a headache.”

“And do you have a headache now?”

Fraser paused. He did have a headache. For a moment he wondered if -

“That’s irrelevant, Sir,” he snapped. “Even if I did have a headache, it wouldn’t prove anything.”

“The Constable makes a valid point,” Welsh broke in. Fraser had forgotten his presence, he was so angry and shocked by the Inspector’s allegations. “Of everyone in this station, he is the last one anyone would have pegged as drug user.  This could simply be a clerical error.”

Thatcher glared at Welsh and Fraser, then took a breath, seeming to dial herself back in.

“Granted,” she said to Welsh, then looked back at Fraser. “However, you have to admit that you’ve been acting out of character recently.” She shook her head. “The RCMP is not totally heartless. We could offer you help and support, if you would just admit that you need it.  But if you don’t....”

Fraser hung his head. He really didn’t understand. He wished he could reach out for help, but since he had no idea what was wrong with him, how could he ask?

“Constable Fraser.” Her voice changed slightly, became more formal. He snapped his head up. “It is my decision that, pending further investigations, you are suspended from duty. We shall investigate, of course, to see if there was any form of clerical error. You shall appear at the Consulate tomorrow in order that our own appointed doctor can retest you. After that, you will be subjected to random drug screening, and expected to pass them before we will consider reinstating you.”

“Sir...” Fraser’s voice trailed off. In the space of a day, he had discovered that his partner no longer loved him, he had run into Jimmy Akers, and now, it seemed he had lost his job.

Not to mention the fact that Dief was still at the vets. For a humiliating moment, he felt tears rise. He ruthlessly repressed the urge. “Understood.”

“God,” Welsh shoved his chair back.  “What a mess.”

“Well,” Thatcher snapped. “It’s not of my making.” She took her purse from the corner of Welsh’s desk and turned on her heel. “I understand that you two have matters to discuss. I’ll leave you to it. Constable. Tomorrow morning, nine o’clock sharp, I expect you to present yourself for testing.”

“Yes, Sir.”

With a sharp ‘tick-tick’ of her heels, the Inspector stalked out of the room, leaving Fraser and Welsh temporarily stunned.

Welsh cleared his throat. “Constable. You’ve had a bad day. Sit down, before you fall down.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Fraser dropped into a seat and stared blankly at the wall.

“Firstly, I want you to know that I don’t believe the results.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Secondly, I want to say that if I’m wrong, I hope you’d feel that you could trust me.”

“If you’re wrong?” Oh no, _now_ Welsh was having second thoughts too.

“I’m just saying that things have been difficult for you for a while now.” Fraser flinched. Thatcher must have told him about Ray’s betrayal. Welsh was still talking. “The whole thing with this Akers guy for example.”

“Oh.” Thatcher hadn’t told him a thing. Fraser closed his eyes in gratitude. No doubt people would find out soon enough, but for now at least he was spared the humiliation of the pitying glances or the unspoken ‘we told you so’s.’ Fraser pulled himself together.

“Actually,” Fraser said, “It’s Jimmy who I came to talk to you about.”

Welsh made a noise from the back of his throat that sounded like a growl. Apparently, he didn’t like Jimmy Akers either. He pushed his leather chair back and moved towards the door. For a moment, Fraser thought the Lieutenant was leaving as well. Who could blame him? Fraser didn’t even want to be in his own company at the moment. His world was spiraling out of control around him. He couldn’t blame anyone for getting the hell out of the way. Instead, Welsh dropped a hand to his shoulder and gave it a supportive pat. He glanced out into his bullpen and hollered, ‘ _Get to work_ ,’ before closing the door and pulling the blinds. There were enough looky-lou’s peeking in after Thatcher left that he wanted to have this conversation in private.

Welsh returned to his seat, leaned back and loosened his tie. “I hate ties, Constable. Some days, I hate this job.” Welsh scrubbed a hand down his face and let out a long sigh.

Fraser’s heart sank and he hadn’t even told the Lieutenant anything about his encounter on the street with Jimmy. It felt as though he had no support.

“I did some more looking into Jimmy Aker’s parole for you.” Welsh played with his tie and avoided eye contact with Fraser. “There was some clerical error that was the cause for his conviction to be overturned.”

“How can that be?” Fraser’s voice cracked as he spoke. He cleared it and tried again. “He tried to…”

Welsh held up a hand. “You don’t have to say it,” his voice was sympathetic. “I know what he tried to do. I’m working with the prosecutor to see about a new trial. Get that creep off the street.” Welsh shook his head. “He shouldn’t be out.”

“He approached me on the street, Sir.”

“ _What_?” Welsh was already fuming. “When did this happen?”

“He stopped me on my way over here. I had started to walk away from him and he pulled on my arm to stop me.”

“He laid his hands on you?” Welsh was agitated with the system, tapping his fingers on his desk.

“In a sense, yes. He was attempting to apologize for what he put…” Fraser hesitated. “What he put Ray and I through.”

“Dammit.” Welsh smacked his desk with the palm of his hand and Fraser jumped. “I’m sorry, Constable. I can’t even imagine how you are feeling.”

Fraser didn’t know how he was feeling either. His whole world had been tipped upside down and shaken.

Welsh cocked his head to the side. “When did you say this happened?”

“An hour or so ago. On my way to the police station.”

The Lieutenant scooted his chair back up to his desk and twirled his thumbs around one another. He rubbed at his nose and made a face. “Are you sure about the time frame? I mean no disrespect, but you have been slightly confused the past few days.”

“Of course I’m sure!” Fraser heard his voice snap. “I think I know what time of day it, regardless of how the rest of my life seems to be falling apart.”

“Fraser,” Welsh’s voice was too calm. “That’s not possible.”

“Of course it’s possible. You think I would just make it up?” Fraser’s voice was tight.

“I’m not doubting that it happened, I’m questioning your time frame.”

Fraser just stared blankly at the Lieutenant.

“Jimmy Akers has been in interrogation room two with Huey since nine this morning.”

“That’s not possible. I spoke to him.” Fraser stood up quickly. “It was _this_ morning,” he emphasized by driving a clenched fist into the opposite palm. “He grabbed my arm.”

“He’s been here all morning, Constable.” Welsh didn’t know what to think. Fraser was convinced Jimmy had once again, been somewhere he couldn’t have possibly been. “I hate to say this, but I think Inspector Thatcher may be right. Not about the drugs, but right that you are not thinking clearly. I think you need some help.”

Fraser was speechless. He spun and stormed out of Welsh’s office.

Welsh kicked the trash can under his desk. He hated to see Fraser this out of sorts. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out what was wrong with him, unless he really was on some drug. He stood up decisively and made his way to the interrogation room where Huey was speaking with Akers. Without knocking, he threw the door open. His heart sank when Jimmy was still there. He was hoping Fraser had been right. He made his apologies and excused himself. Returning to his office, he closed the door and dialed up Ray. He really should know what was going on. Fraser’s mental state depended on it because it was obvious he couldn’t see for himself that he needed help. Welsh got Ray’s voicemail and hung up. He’d try again later.

~*~

Ray slung his backpack over his shoulder and slammed the last of his coffee. ‘Good to the last drop,’ he thought as he tossed the paper cup into a nearby trash bin. He leaned against the wall waiting for Mike to start the meeting before shift. Zippy slipped in beside him and ruffled Ray’s hair like one would a small child. Not an easy maneuver for someone that was a good six inches shorter than Ray and overweight.

Ray twisted his head out from under Zippy’s sweaty palm and inwardly gagged. The man was a slob from head to toe. It was no wonder his wife left him. Ray was just astonished he’d ever been married in the first place. Unkempt hair, bad breath, torn clothing that exposed too much skin. Ray grimaced. He couldn’t understand how the higher ups let him get away with what he wore. But Ray knew he had to play along to get the information he needed if there was a drug problem in the plant. He still hadn’t seen anything suspicious with the scrap. As far as he could tell, it all went to a contained area that was padlocked during the entire shift until the last half hour when people started rolling it to the weigh station. If someone was stealing it, he wasn’t sure how.

When the night was over, Ray was going to make sure that he was involved in the scrap process. Surely the take-up operator helped with that part of the job as well. And if not, he was going to volunteer for it anyway. He was ready to go home. Home to Chicago. Home to Ben.

“Evening, Spike,” Zippy’s voice was rough, still full of sleep. “You with me again?” he asked as he started wheezing.

Ray tried not to roll his eyes as the man pulled out an inhaler, shook it a few times and sucked in the contents. He really did have every ailment in the books.

Ray nodded and covered a yawn. He had only been awake an hour himself. “Yep, you’re stuck with me again. Mike called me this morning when I got home and told me I could switch to nights.”

“That’s great,” Zippy exclaimed and Ray could almost see him calculating their numbers already. “I bet Shaun’s pissed off. Heard him bragging about what a great operator you were from the get-go. I’m glad Mike stole you out from under him.” Another puff on the inhaler and Zippy seemed to perk up. “Now that you know what you’re doing, we should have a better night tonight.”

Ray agreed. “Just don’t forget to put the damn locks on, huh?”

“Bet you won’t ever do that again,” Zippy laughed and then coughed, choking on his own saliva.

Ray made a face and stepped to the side to avoid getting spit on. “Easy there, Killer. You’re not going to run me into the ground are you?” Ray rolled a shoulder. His muscles were still so tight. He was hoping they would have loosened up the longer he was awake and moving around. Thank God he didn’t have to do this everyday for a living. He was more than ready to head back to Chicago and sit through long boring stakeouts with Fraser.

Mike dismissed the group and Ray followed Zippy back to his line. He should have been paying more attention to what Mike was saying, now that he thought about it, but he was still so tired - and Zippy talked too much. Jeez, he had a whole night of this to look forward to. Ray could have used one of those special white pills just to wake up. For a moment he almost considered it, but knew how hard the crash would be. There would be no way then that he could make it through the rest of the night. Besides, he was a cop. What on earth was he thinking? He’d just have to drink a hell of a lot of coffee. He yawned again and looked around. The previous shift line operator was filling Zippy in on the orders that needed to be run. Zippy mumbled, nodded, coughed and sent the guy on his way with a shoo of his hand.

“Spike,” Zippy bellowed from twenty feet away.

Ray was getting his own instructions from the day shift take-up operator. His head snapped up and Zippy was waving for Ray to come over. “Sorry man. That guy has no patience. It’s always go go go.” The other operator nodded, picked up his own backpack and grumbled something incoherent on his way out.

Ray made his way to the other end of the line to see what Zippy was all worked up about. “You know he was trying to fill me in down there. You don’t have to be so rude, man.”

Zippy ignored him. “I need you to go get a pallet of these six inch reels and this size skid.” He handed Ray a sheet with numbers scribbled on it and pointed in the general direction he was to go. “Adrian will help you.” With a flick of his wrist,  Zippy sent Ray on his way.

Ray stole a glance behind him and watched as  Zippy dropped a finished reel into a trash can and quickly put the lid on. Ray thought that was odd. Certainly they don’t want you throwing away full reels of copper wire even if it is scrap. Ray was going to have to keep his eye on that trash can to see what happened to it throughout the shift. Zippy was already handing out drugs, at least to him. Was he also stealing scrap by disguising it as trash? He could easily have several hundred pounds a day just by tossing in a few ‘bad’ reels throughout the shift and then hauling it off to the dumpster. Maybe Zippy parked close to it, had a pickup truck or something that he conveniently tossed the reels in as he was dumping trash.

When Ray returned, Zippy had the line almost ready to run. Ray leaned on the covered trash can and rolled it a bit. Zippy stared at him from the corner of his eye. “This can feels full. Lazy asses must not have emptied it. You want me to run it to the trash hopper?” Ray asked as he playfully spun it round and round on its wheels. It was heavy already.

“Nah, go get ready at the other end. I’ll take care of it when we are up and running.”

“You sure?” Ray threw a thumb over his shoulder. “I can be back before you even have the compound running the right color.”

“I said _I’ll_ get it,” Zippy barked and Ray backed off.

“Easy there, Killer. I was just trying to be helpful. You could use a downer today. I’ll just go label my boxes while I’m waiting.” Ray returned to his end of the line. So much for that idea.

The rest of the shift was pretty much a carbon copy of the day before. There were a few glitches before Ray found his rhythm again. He felt like he was dying, his body hurt so bad. He used to think he was in decent shape, probably couldn’t outrun a marathoner if he had to, but felt he could keep up with the average Joes. Today he wasn’t so sure. He wanted one of Zippy’s wonder pills. Scratch that… he _needed_ one. Hell, he wanted a bunch of them just to make it through the rest of the shift and every one after this one until he solved this case.

That had to be psychological or something. No way you could start craving something after just one taste.

“You’re looking a little tired, Spike.” Zippy’s gruff voice grated on Ray’s nerves, which were jangled enough anyway.

“I’m okay,” he lied. “You got coffee?”

“Told you yesterday that crap’s in the breakroom.” Zippy pulled the Tic-Tac bottle out of his shirt pocket and gave it a little shake.

“Zippy,” Mike’s deep voice came from behind them. “If you’d brush your damn teeth, you wouldn’t need Tic-Tac’s.” Zippy smiled wide, revealing fuzzy yellow stained teeth. The man had no shame. Mike rolled his eyes disgusted, Ray wanted to gag.

“How’s your help?” Mike watched as Ray pulled one finished reel off and popped an empty one effortlessly onto the shaft. “We make a good decision bringing Ray to nights?”

“He’s a little rough around the edges, but he’s trainable.” Zippy smacked Ray on the back. Ray wanted to clock him in the jaw.

Mike just laughed and flexed his muscles. He’d finally found someone that Zippy didn’t scare off both with his hygiene and bad manners. “Good, we keep losing help left and right around here. Nice numbers last night  you two. Keep it up.”

“Thanks,” Ray forced out. He wanted to smack the smugness right out of the supervisor.

“Watch how many of those Tic-Tacs you pop, Zip…” Mike warned as strolled away. “You’re a diabetic, remember?”

Ray stared in disbelief. Zippy had balls. Did the supervisor know what those white tablets really were?

“Close your mouth,” Zippy ordered. “It’s unbecoming.”

“Does he know what those really are?” Ray asked quietly.

“These?” Zippy held up the container. Ray nodded. He couldn’t believe Zippy was flashing them around in plain sight. He opened the top and dumped several into his mouth. Fifteen seconds later, Zippy grabbed his chest and fell onto the top of Ray’s make-shift desk, sending boxes and labels to the floor.

“Oh my God…” Ray couldn’t think quick enough. He dropped the reel he was holding and it bounced across the floor, unraveling as it made its way across the aisle. He grabbed for Zippy’s arm before he tumbled to the floor. Zippy was clutching his chest making wheezing noises. Eyes pinched shut, his mouth gaping wide open.

All of a sudden Zippy popped up and yelled _“Gotcha!”_ at the top of his lungs.

The line crashed and Ray swore. “You fucking asshole!” he slammed his palm into the emergency stop button and leaned against the machine, trying to bring his breathing back under control. “Why the hell would you do that to someone? You about gave _me_ a fucking heart attack.”

“They were just Tic-Tacs, Spike.” Zippy chortled and patted Ray’s cheek. He shoved his chubby hand into his pant’s pocket and dug out another container along with a few candy wrappers. He discarded the wrappers and shook the new bottle. “ _These aren’t.”_

“Jesus,” Ray ran his fingers through his spiked hair and pulled on the collar of his shirt. He was having a hard time breathing the thick air. “Don’t do that again.”

Zippy laughed, dispensed a pill into his hand and tossed it to Ray. “Here, this will help.”

Ray planted his hands on his hips and refused to catch the pill. It bounced off his t-shirt and landed on the nearby table in plain sight. Zippy wasn’t getting off that easy. “What makes you think I won’t go to Mike. Tell him you’re feeding me pills?”

“Go ahead,” Zippy shrugged nonchalantly. “Who do you think I got them from?” He picked up the pill and tossed it back to Ray who caught it this time. It was evidence after all. “Take ten minutes to calm yourself down and I’ll restring the line.”

“Yeah, sucks to be you,” Ray shot back as he grabbed his water bottle off the table. Under normal circumstances, he would have helped him. Not today. The fake heart attack was enough to put him over the edge.

Zippy just shrugged and smiled wide. “Seeing your face was worth it.”

“Fucker.” Ray closed his eyes and tried to remember the bigger picture. “You wanna go for a beer after work?”

Zippy was taken aback. After Ray’s reaction he was sure the guy wouldn’t come back. “I’m a diabetic, remember.”

Ray raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “You really gonna go with that?”

“Okay, but just one.” Zippy sounded giddy like he had just made his first friend.

“Yeah, can’t ruin that girlish figure you’ve got going on there,” Ray kidded and patted Zippy on the cheek. Zippy didn’t like it any better than he did. “I’ll be back in ten.”

“You’re not going to help me restring the line?”

“Hell no!” Ray slapped Zippy on the shoulder blade and gave him the smuggest of smiles. “That’s all on you this time.”

By the end of the shift, Ray had drank enough coffee to give off the impression that he had popped the little white pill. He didn’t want to run the risk of not having it for evidence. Again he scolded himself for even considering taking the thing to begin with. He secured it in the liner of his lunch box.

“Ready for that beer?” Ray asked as he pulled his time card out of his wallet.

“You buying?” Zippy enquired.

“I’ll buy the first round, you just pick the place.”

“Let me just run this trash out to the hopper and I’ll meet you at Hunter’s. You know where that’s at?”

“Yep, drive by it every day.” Ray grinned. The place had to be decent, it had a big moose painted on the front wall facing the street. Anything related to Canada had to be good. “You sure you don’t want help with that? I mean, you almost died from a heart attack tonight.”

Zippy snorted, “No, _that_ was you.”

~*~

Ray found Zippy in a back corner booth away from the bar. ‘Good,’ he thought as he ordered himself a beer at the bar before strolling back to the booth. ‘At least we aren’t out in the open.’

“Hey,” Ray stated enthusiastically as he slid across the cheap vinyl seat. “Thank God that shift is over.” He pulled a menu from behind the napkin dispenser. “This place have any good pre-breakfast foods?”

Zippy gave Ray the once over and motioned for the waitress. “How do you stay so skinny?”

Ray shrugged and continued to glance over the menu. “Good genes I guess.” He pointed to the menu and looked up at Zippy. “Beer battered mushrooms any good?”

“They’re decent.”

“What can I get for you two?” the dark haired waitress asked. She was wearing jeans that were two sizes too small and Ray wondered how the hell she managed to get them to zip.

“Is it too early for some mushrooms?” Ray asked, replacing the menu to its spot behind the napkins. “And I owe my friend here a beer of his choice.”

Zippy’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Ray wasn’t sure if it was his use of the word friend or the word beer. Either way he was hoping he could get a few in him to get the man talking about drugs and stolen wire. The waitress jotted down their order and sauntered away. Zippy’s eyes followed her all the way behind the bar.

Ray was inwardly cringing at what Zippy found appealing in a woman. She had on far too many layers of make-up for that time of the morning. Or for any time of the day, really. He forced a grin when Zippy looked back at him.

“Got your eyes on a girl, do ya?”

Zippy blushed. “Is it that obvious?”

Ray nodded and laughed. “Just a little.” He took a much needed swig of beer. “She your girl?” he asked as he nodded towards the bar. The waitress was pouring Zippy a draft beer.

“Her name’s Claudine,” Zippy almost sung her name. “I haven’t gotten brave enough to ask her out.”

“Maybe today should be your day.”

“What if she says ‘no’?” Zippy almost looked like he was beginning to panic and Ray wondered if the man had xanax in a tic-tac bottle as well.

“What if she says ‘yes’?” he countered. Ray brought his beer bottle to his lips and paused, raised his eyebrows a bit. “You’ll never know unless you ask. I may not be a detective, but I didn’t see a ring on her finger.” Ray motioned for the waitress and she sauntered over in her too tight jeans. Zippy looked like he was about to have a heart attack for real this time.

“What are you _doing_?” Zippy said in a threatening manner. He was all bark and no bite.

“What can I get for you two? Your mushrooms are next up.”

Ray debated in the time it took Claudine to get from the bar to their table how he should play this. He decided not to beat around the bush. As much as he disliked working with Zippy, he didn’t want to play on the man’s feelings too much.

“I’ve noticed my new friend here has been eyeballing you since I walked in the door.” Ray folded his hands around his beer bottle. “I know how things work where I come from in the big city, but I’m not so sure how they work in little towns like this.”

Claudine looked from Ray to Zippy and smiled. “What are you asking?”

“Would you like to go out with my friend here? His name’s Zipp-”

“Steve.” Zippy cut Ray off and shot his hand out to the waitress. “My name’s, Steve,” the words tumbled out of his mouth like Dominos on fire.

Ray sat back, took a swallow of his beer and smiled wide. He just cracked the surface. Success. He finished his beer and watched as Zippy and Claudine exchanged information. “Claudine, we’ll take another round of beers here.”

“Sure thing,” she smiled happily never taking her eyes off Zippy. “Coming right up.”

“See,” Ray said as she walked away. “You don’t know until you ask.”

“Next Friday, I’m going to take her to the Outback.”

“The Outback? What’s that?” Surely they weren’t going to Australia.

“It’s a steakhouse. Claudine loves a good steak.”

“Ah,” Ray nodded. “A match made in heaven.”

 _Ah._ He suddenly missed Fraser. Time to get to the point of coming to the bar.

Ray picked at the label on his beer bottle. “So,” he began. “That little pill that you gave me at work-”

“Yeah?” Zippy had his eyes glued to the bar.

“You think you can get me some more?”

Zippy was giddy and Ray rolled his eyes. Maybe this was a mistake. He should have drilled him for information and then set him up with the bartender.

“Zip!” Ray smacked the table to get Zippy’s attention.

“Sorry,” he said with a sheepish smile. “Thanks, man. I would have never asked her out without your help.”

“You’re welcome,” Ray said sincerely.

“You’re my new best friend. You can get as many pills as you want.”

“How much?” Ray asked pulling out his wallet.

“Oh, there’s no charge.”

Wait. What? “How’s that?” Ray sat back as Claudine brought over their baskets of breaded mushrooms. Apparently she had been eyeballing Zippy for some time as well because his basket of mushrooms was a lot fuller than Ray’s.

“Anything else, you boys need?”

“I’m good,” Ray said. “But I think Steve is ready for another round.”

Zippy downed the rest of the beer to prove Ray’s point. “Thanks, Sweetheart.”

Ray wanted to gag. When Claudine was out of earshot he asked again. “What do you mean there’s no charge?”

For the first time since stepping into the bar, Zippy gave Ray his _almost_ undivided attention. “You plan on staying my partner for a long time?”

“At work?” Ray wanted to make sure they were on the same page. “Yeah, unless they fire me. I don’t plan on going anywhere. You don’t kill me, and I’ll stick around. But I gotta tell you. I’ve seen on the other shifts how they run some of those take-up guys and I can’t handle that.”

“The other shifts don’t realize that if you run at a steady pace, you can make more wire. The faster you go, when the line crashes, the bigger the mess it is you have to clean up, therefore taking you that much longer.”

“Besides, Mike makes sure that we are the best.”

“Why’s that?” Ray asked.

“The highest producing shift gets a bonus and the supervisor for that shift gets a really big bonus.”

“That’s where your little white pill comes in?” Ray was connecting the dots.

“Yep. Mike wants to make sure that we are the best shift.”

“So,” Ray began. “Tell me about the trash can last night. Why wouldn’t you let me empty it?”

Zippy’s eyes went wide.

“Come on, Zip,” Ray began. “Somebody’s gotta pay for those little white pills.”

“So I steal a little scrap every now and then. I scrap it out, give the money to Mike and then Mike gets us the pills from his source. He passes them out on Monday and then we all get a big bonus at the end of the week. What are you going to do, turn me in?”

“Hell no. I want in on making some good money. That’s what I came out here for.” Ray almost felt bad for busting the place. Isn’t that what everyone wanted was to make some good money?

“Don’t worry. You’ll see it on your next paycheck.” Zippy motioned to Claudine at the bar. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“You and Mike close?” Ray asked taking another swallow of beer.

“Brothers.”

Ray coughed and almost spit beer on the table. “You and the Incredible Hulk are _brothers_?”

Zippy shrugged. “Different dads. Different genes.”

“Would have never guessed that.” Ray popped a mushroom in his mouth and chased it with beer. “We’ll have to do this again, Zippy.” Ray pulled out his wallet and slapped some money on the table. “But for now, I want to get intimate with my pillow. After last night, I’m exhausted.”

“You’re leaving already?”

“Dude, we’ve been here for over an hour and all you keep doing is staring at Claudine over there.” Ray patted Zippy on the shoulder. “I’ll see you tonight. Don’t sit here all day.”

“Thank’s, Spike.” Zippy motioned towards the bar.

“You’re welcome.”

~*~

Fraser slammed the door behind him, not caring for the first time who it bothered. He had had a shitty day to say the least. He found out in the worst way, in front of his boss no less, that Ray had been cheating on him, he ran into that monster Jimmy on the street and couldn’t get away from him fast enough, had been suspended for something he knew he wasn’t doing and now Lieutenant Welsh thought he needed to get some kind of professional help. He threw his stetson onto the counter and cursed under his breath. How could things have gotten so messed up? How could he have failed a drug test when he wasn’t taking anything except Ray’s damn Tylenol? Fraser scrubbed a shaky hand over his face. If the damn headache that had been lingering for the better part of a week, would just go away, maybe he could think straight enough to figure out what the hell was going on around him. Fraser sighed and rubbed at his temples.

‘You’re a cop for God’s sake, Ben. Get ahold of yourself.’ Fraser knew he hadn’t been eating well, hadn’t been sleeping very well either now that he thought about it. He couldn’t do anything about the mess with Ray until he came home. Fraser rolled his shoulders. This morning when he woke up, he couldn’t wait for Ray to come home. Now he was afraid he might punch him in the throat the second he stepped foot into the apartment. For a moment he thought about fleeing, about running away and not having to deal with any of it anymore. He stepped around his oversized sofa and fell onto the cushions. Running away wouldn’t solve any of his current problems, just confirm to everyone around him that he was indeed falling apart.

And he wasn’t a coward. No, this was his home. If Ray didn’t love him anymore, then _he_ could leave.

‘Home,’ Fraser thought bitterly. ‘This isn’t what ‘home’ is supposed to feel like.’ It was supposed to be a safe haven, a place to reconnect with your loved ones after a long day _outside_ in the real world. It is supposed to be comfortable and cozy. Not a place where your partner lies to you, goes behind your back to fulfill their personal _needs_ when you no longer seem to satisfy them. Fraser shuddered at the thought of Ray with that woman. _How could he?_ He tried to push the raging thoughts to the back of his head. There was no use dwelling on them now. The phone rang and he ignored it. He wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone, especially Ray.

He stood up to get some water and felt his knees buckle. Fraser steadied himself on the arm of the couch. ‘ _Jesus,_ ’ just the thought of Ray being with someone else made him sick. They were supposed to be a duet. He realized how weak he was feeling. It had felt like an eternity since he had anything to eat. The toast at breakfast still felt like it was choking him. No wonder he didn’t have an appetite. Fraser forced himself into the kitchen and reprimanded himself for not taking better care of himself. He rubbed at the throbbing pain in his shoulder and tried his hardest to ignore it. Ray was right, he probably should have gone to the hospital and had it looked at when he had tripped over Ray’s gym bag.

Memories flooded his head as Fraser stared at the contents of the fridge. He slammed the door shut and decided to go to bed instead. He didn’t care that it was only seven in the evening. He flicked off the kitchen light, dead bolted the door. When he passed the breakfast bar he hesitated and was about to plug in the red chili lights just as he did every night before he and Ray went to bed. Instead, he took hold of the cord and ripped them down, tossing them to the floor. The small nails holding the lights in place tinkered against the counter and wood flooring. Fraser kicked the lights under a bar stool and retreated to the bedroom in a huff. One less thing to remind him of Ray.

His eyes watered. “Damn bedroom lighting is too bright,” he grumbled to himself, wiping his eyes roughly with the back of his hand. He pulled shut the bedroom curtains,  slammed the door shut, and dropped onto the bed. God, he was tired. Lying back, he draped his arm over his eyes, cutting out what little light there was in the room. It didn’t help. The bed smelled of him and Ray. He felt like he was in a tomb.

‘I hate this,’ he thought. The bed felt like it was rocking, and the nausea was worse. He twisted on the sheets - he was sweating and itchy all over. “I’ll never get to sleep,” he said aloud.

He must have slept though. When he opened his eyes, Ray was in the room. He didn’t exactly look like Ray though. Maybe that was a symbol of something. Fraser had thought he’d known Ray, but it turned out Ray wasn’t who he thought he had been at all.

The figure was at the foot of the bed now, smiling down at Fraser, looking pleased with himself and cruel. He was dressed in Ray’s clothes, but he smelled of cigarettes. This was definitely a nightmare. You couldn’t have nightmares when you were awake, could you?

The Ray who wasn’t Ray stepped into the bedroom smiling. He didn’t look anything like Ray - not really. He was the same height, he had similar spiked up hair, but he looked like - Fraser squeezed his eyes shut.

Not this nightmare again. Not Jimmy.

“Hello, Benton. Did you miss me?”

~*~

Ray jiggled his key into the lock of his apartment door and finally got it to work. He thanked the heavens above. He had spent over two hours at the bar with Zippy. He had gotten some valuable information that he was hoping to use to solve the case. He checked his phone and discovered he had four missed calls from Welsh. He panicked and quickly returned his boss’s call. Welsh explained the few things he knew that were going wrong with Fraser. He had failed the second drug screen at the Consulate and Inspector Thatcher had suspended him until further notice.

“What the hell is going on with him?” Welsh asked in a tired voice.

“I honestly don’t know.” Ray had sat down on the springy mattress. Fraser had been off for weeks. Irritable, foul mood, constant headache. He had to be on something or there was really something physically wrong with him and he needed to see some kind of specialist. “What drug was it again?” Ray asked as he grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. He shouldn’t have had that third beer but he was trying to pry Zippy for information and it had worked.

“Vicodin and a small concoction of other things according to the Inspector’s report.”

“Jesus. Vicodin?” Ray paused. “You sure about that?” He swallowed two Tylenol and rubbed his temples.

“Showed up on two drug panels run by two separate agencies. I’m pretty sure it’s accurate.”

Ray knew he could trust his boss. “Vicodin was never Fraser’s drug of choice. Why would he switch to something that doesn’t work for him?”

“What are you talking about Detective?” Welsh’s voice sharpened. “Are you telling me that Fraser is an addict?”

“Was.” Ray corrected as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Back when he was recovering from Vecchio’s bullet. But he’s been clean for years.”

“Once an addict, always an addict.” Welsh’s voice was heavy with disappointment. “I can’t believe I fell for it again.”

“What do you mean, Sir?”

“I just mean that I went out to bat for Fraser, swore up and down he wasn’t taking drugs. If I’d known that he’d had a problem maybe I could have intervened before it got this bad.” He hefted a sigh. “Well. Next time I’ll know not to trust anyone, no matter how clean I think he is.”

“Sir, I know it looks bad, but Fraser’s been so careful. He knows how rough it was last time, he’d never put himself through that again.”

“Maybe he couldn’t help himself.”

“It just doesn’t make sense. Like I said, Vicodin never worked for Fraser.  It didn’t even help with pain.”

“You can’t trust what addicts say. I don’t mean to be harsh, but maybe he lied. Maybe he chose that one because it was available. Maybe it started innocently.” He paused. “I don’t know. Didn’t you have a prescription for it when you dislocated your shoulder? Had he recently hurt himself?”

“Shit,” Ray muttered and recalled Fraser tripping over his bag. Damn his boss had a good memory. “Fraser wouldn’t sneak my pills.”

“Do you still have them?”

“No.” The only way to help Fraser was to be upfront and honest. “I can’t find them. But that doesn’t mean…”

Welsh sighed through the phone. “Ray, I have great respect for Constable Fraser, but he needs help. He’s hallucinating, seeing people where they couldn’t possibly be.”

“What are you talking about?” Ray’s voice held an edge.

“He keeps saying that he’s been seeing that Jimmy Akers. But I’ve checked with his parole officer and he couldn’t have possibly been where he said Fraser said he was.”

“Ben wouldn’t just make that up, Sir.” And then Ray remembered the night he had come home. Fraser had freaked out during the storm. Was about to shoot a non existent squirrel.

“Of course he wouldn’t make it up, Detective,” Welsh was getting testy. “I said he _hallucinated_ , not that he lied.”

“Yeah.” Ray hung his head miserably. “Yeah, I get there’s a difference.”

The silence on the phone grew heavy. In the end Welsh broke it. “What are you going to do about it, Detective? Your partner is falling apart. He won’t accept help from anyone else - he won’t even admit that he needs it. What do you suggest?”

“Can you get me back in here if I leave?”

“You’re going to leave an undercover assignment?”

“What the hell do you want me to do?” Ray snapped. “Fraser needs me more than this damn job needs me. Who the fuck cares if wire’s being stolen or drugs are being taken. I need to be there for Fraser. I have to find out what’s wrong with him.”

“Jesus, there’s a drug problem there too?”

“Supposedly they are linked.” Ray grabbed his keys and his wallet as he headed for the door. “I’m coming home.”

~*~

 

Move on to the final chapter!!!


	11. Final chapter!

 

~*~

The conversation with Welsh stirred in Ray’s head the entire drive home to Chicago. He didn’t care what happened to Zippy or the factory. All he cared about was Fraser. By the time he got home he was exhausted. It was late in the afternoon. Good thing he hadn’t popped one of Zippy’s pills or he would have probably been scraped up off the side of the road somewhere.

“Ben,” he called out as he entered the apartment. All the lights were on and Ray could hear movement in the bedroom.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Fraser demanded as he came out of the bedroom with a bag slung over his shoulder.

Ray flinched, shocked by the waves of anger radiating off Fraser. “Welsh called me and told me what happened.”

“I wondered how long it would be before he got you back here.” Fraser pushed passed Ray into the living room.

“Where are you going?” Ray’s voice rose as he pointed to the bag. Christ, he couldn’t believe it. Fraser was _leaving?_ What the hell? Welsh was right, something was very wrong here. How could he have missed it? “You can’t run away from whatever is going on, Ben,” he pleaded. In his head he was thinking ‘don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me.’ “That isn’t going to solve the problem.”

Fraser spun around and got in Ray’s face. “What _is_ the problem, Ray?”

Ray held his ground. He made his voice very calm, kept his gaze locked on Fraser’s. He knew how to deal with crazy people. He didn’t know what it was with Fraser, whether it was a breakdown or if he was - Christ - if he _was_ high, but he did know not to antagonise him. The slightest thing could set him off, the mood he was in now. “Ben,” he said gently. “I don’t know what the problem is but something is very wrong with you.”

Fraser’s eyes were hard and glittering. Ray’s heart fell. He could swear he really was high. “I see you’re siding with everyone else.”

“I’m not siding with anyone, Ben.”  He scrubbed his eyes, angry with himself. God, he was not going to cry. He’d done that when Stella left and it hadn’t done a thing. “I love you dammit.” His voice cracked and he lost it, the desperation in his voice escalating as he spoke. “And I’m trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you. Why you’re constantly biting my head off, why you’re so damn irritable and cranky all of a sudden.” He gritted his teeth and said it. “Why you’re failing drug tests.”

“That’s why Lieutenant Welsh called you?”

“Ben,” Ray reached out to touch him. Fraser flinched back, and Ray dropped his hand. “If you needed something for your shoulder pain, you should have told me. We could have gone to the doctor or the hospital and they would have written you a new prescription.” Ray didn’t want to acknowledge the elephant in the room but somebody was going to have to do it. “Where are my pills? My vicodin prescription. Is that where you got the meds?”

“I didn’t take any pills!”

“That’s not what the failed drug tests are saying. Maybe you mistook them for the tylenol.”

Fraser’s eyes blazed with fury. “How _stupid_ do you think I am? I think I know the difference between a prescription bottle and a Tylenol bottle.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid, Ben!” Ray ran his hands through his hair frustrated at the wall he was trying to break through with Fraser. “I’m just trying to make sense of it all.”

“Why would I take something that doesn’t work for me? I told you that a long time ago. I never abused Vicodin.” Fraser snarled and exposed his crooked tooth. Why couldn’t anyone seem to comprehend that fact? “What would be the point? All it ever did was make me sick to my stomach and make me shaky.”

“Ben, I love you…”

“Really?” he asked, baffled. For a moment, he almost believed Ray. Then he remembered. “Do you love Gwen as well?”

“Who the fuck is Gwen?” Ray asked his brows knitted together in confusion.

“Pretty little blonde. Just your type.” Fraser bent over the couch and picked up the jeans and hair gel and threw them at Ray. “Look familiar? I believe they belong to you.”

Ray caught the items as they hit him in the chest. He stared blankly at them. “Where did you find them?” He looked them over to be sure they were his. Of course they were his, who else would they belong to?

“Your friend _Gwen_ dropped them off yesterday morning. If you don’t mind, I’ll _skip_ the threesome she has planned.”

“The _what_?” Ray asked in disbelief.

Fraser spun on his heels and made his way to the door. Ray grabbed his elbow and pulled him to a stop.

“Ben, I don’t know anything about a Gwen. You have to believe me.”

“ _Why_ ? If I wasn’t enough, you should have just said something. You should have just left. Asked _me_ to leave. Hell, I don’t know. Just not gone behind my back and shacked up with some floozy.”

“I didn’t shack up with anybody!”

“And I didn’t take any drugs. Now. Which one of us is lying?” Fraser turned to leave, had the door pulled halfway open when Ray tugged on his arm again.

“We need to talk about this. You’ve been taking _something_. You’re acting like a complete lunatic.”

“A lunatic, huh? Maybe we never really knew each other.” Fraser’s face twisted in sudden misery. “I clearly never knew you.”

“Ben, you _have_ to believe me. I love you.”

“I _loved_ you too. For all the good it does either one of us.”

“Please, Ben. You’ve got to see a doctor.”

“Why? So they can tell lies about me? I don’t know what’s happening, but I do know I don’t trust any of you.”

“Why would the doctors lie? Why would I lie to you?”

“I don’t know. They’re lying all the same. You all are lying. You see what I’ve been taking?” He picked up the bottle of Tylenol and rattled it at Ray. “This is the only damn thing I’ve put in myself the whole time my shoulder’s been hurting - and yes, it’s been hurting. This stuff’s done nothing for me, and I’m still trying so hard to stay clean that I haven’t even asked for anything stronger. But just so you know?” He stopped and swallowed. “My shoulder hurts like hell. Everything. Everything hurts like hell.”

Fraser’s eyes were so full of pain it was killing him. Ray reached out again to touch him. Fraser yelled, flung the bottle at him. Ray froze as it hit him on the chest and fell to the floor.

“Ben,” he whispered. “You need some help. Just stop and listen to yourself for _one_ second. None of this is making any sense, you’re not making any sense.  Welsh told me you're seeing Jimmy in places he _can't_ be. And you thought the same thing happened _here,_ that he was in the apartment and you fought him?” He scrubbed his face. “What the hell is going on with you?”

“I can’t.” Fraser closed his eyes and swallowed. Ray’s eyes fixed on his strong throat, the Adam’s apple moving, the pulse in his throat beating too fast. He had no idea what to do. Fraser put his hand up in the air, as though to ward off a blow, and turned to leave. “I have to,” he said, “I have to - to get away. You’re all accusing me, I can’t live like this.”

Jesus. What was he saying? Ray grabbed his elbow to stop him from leaving. His voice was sharp with desperation. “Talk to me, _dammit!_ ”

In one swift motion Fraser had Ray pinned to the wall, his knee pressed up hard between Ray’s legs, crushing into his groin - not in a good way, like one twitch would have him singing soprano the rest of his life. Ray’s eyes watered and he squeezed them shut. When he managed to open them, his own gun was pointed in his face. Fraser’s mouth was a thin merciless line, and his eyes were furious. “You and I have nothing else to talk about.”

“Ben,” Ray squeaked out as Fraser’s forearm dug into his throat. “You’re _hurting_ me.” This wasn’t Fraser. He didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t _his_ Ben. “Please, don’t leave.”

Fraser took a step back, his face going slack with shock. He didn’t say another word, just placed the gun on the countertop and left.

Ray sucked in a shaky breath. What the hell had just happened? How did their lives get so fucked up in the course of two weeks? Ray spun around and cleared the countertop of its contents in a moment of rage. He took a calming breath. ‘Let Ben cool off. Cool yourself down. Then go find him.’ Ray stepped over the mess on the kitchen floor. Jesus, he had broken Ben’s favorite mug. Somehow, he was going to get to the bottom of this mess. He opened up the doors under the sink to retrieve the dust pan.

“Dammit, where the fuck is that thing?” Ray got down on his hands and knees. “I know this is where Ben keeps it.” He shoved a couple of cleaning products out of the way and finally found it near the back. “What is that?” Ray hopped up and flipped on the kitchen light to see better. He stuck his head back under the sink. There near the back wall was a filter nestled against the water pipe going to the faucet. Ray’s heart ached. Fraser had installed a water filter for him while he was gone. Ray cleaned up the mess quickly. He needed to find Fraser. They were a _duet_ and he wasn’t going to let anything break that up.

~*~

He found Fraser just where he’d been afraid he would. He was standing on the shores of Lake Michigan, with his back to the city, looking out over the water. Ray imagined Fraser would have been half-way across the border by now. He tugged on the collar of his t-shirt. It was hot and muggy and beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead, even this late into the evening. He stared at Fraser from a distance. Ben wasn’t dressed for the weather. He had a long sleeve shirt on over his t-shirt, buttoned up halfway. Ray was so distracted by the allegations Fraser had thrown at him at their apartment, he hadn’t noticed what Ben had been wearing. Ray took a few steps closer. Ben was shivering, even despite the weather. It was weird to think of Fraser ever being cold. He must really be sick or coming down from whatever drug he had been taking or... _something_ . Ray wiped the sweat from his brow and dried his hand on his jeans. It made sense that this was where he’d find Ben. Fraser had gone straight back to the scene of their first fight. Ray had always sworn it would be their last fight, their last _real_ fight, that is. This was where he hit Fraser.

He dragged his feet overtop the stones, making sure he made some noise as he walked so that Fraser would hear him coming. Fraser was already on edge and Ray wasn’t in the mood to find out what startling him from behind would lead to. Ray thanked the heavens above that Fraser didn’t carry a gun.

“Hey, Ben,” Ray spoke softly as he came up and stood a few feet behind his partner. He reached forward and touched the tip of Ben’s elbow. He wasn’t sure why but he just needed to feel some sort of connection.

Fraser said nothing and didn’t turn around. He just hunched his shoulders up. He knew Ray would find him here. This was really where their _‘us’_ began. They stood without speaking for a long time. All Ray could hear, besides birds and wind and waves, was Fraser breathing. The sound was nasal and heavy, as though he’d been crying.

Finally, Fraser turned, looking down at his feet. He couldn’t bear to look Ray in the eyes and discover any more accusations or lies hiding in the blue pools. When he spoke, it blurted out. “I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m not taking anything.” He turned back towards the water.

Ray nodded silently. “I was afraid you had left,” he confessed and motioned towards Fraser’s satchel resting by his feet. The wind took his words and all was silent again.

“I was,” Fraser whispered as he swiped a hand across his eyes. He had been crying. “I don’t want to believe that any of this is true.”

Ray nodded again. He knew, somehow, that Fraser thought he was telling the truth. Maybe all the stress with Jimmy had given him a split personality or something. Or maybe Ray was an idiot and Fraser was just the world’s best liar. Despite the evidence though, he was prepared to take a risk on Fraser. He’d always been honest before. And besides. Arguing wasn’t going to solve the problem. So far it had only made things worse. “We’ll figure it out, Ben. We’ll figure out how you failed those tests. We’ll figure out why you keep seeing Jimmy.” Fraser shrugged but didn’t say anything, kept staring ahead. “You gotta believe me when I tell you that I have never cheated on you. I could never do that to you. I love you too damn much.”

Fraser turned his head and looked Ray square in the eyes. “I trusted you, Ray.” Then he turned his back on Ray again, staring out over the lake visibly shaken.

 _‘Trusted.’_ Past tense. Ray felt the word like a punch to the chest. Fraser didn’t trust him anymore. Ray stepped up behind him and placed both hands on his shoulders and gave his lover a reassuring squeeze. He lowered his forehead between Ben’s shoulder blades.

Fraser flinched. “I want to believe you,” he whispered.

“And I want to believe you.”

It almost felt like a truce.

Ray tried to think of something else to say, something to return them to a fragile normality. Something that wasn’t all anguish and pain and misunderstanding. “Hey,” he said with a hint of cheerfulness and ran his hands down the length of Ben’s arms and clasped their hands together. “Thanks for installing the water filter in the kitchen.” Ray let out a hesitant chuckle. “It’ll save us some money on bottled water.” He took a deep breath and said a silent prayer. “You know, that’s _if_ you decide to come back with me.”

Fraser was still staring dully out at the flat lake. “What are you talking about?”

“The filter. Under the kitchen sink.”

Fraser frowned and stepped out of Ray’s embrace. He turned around slowly and faced him full on for the first time. “I didn’t install anything under the sink.”

“Then what…” Ray opened and shut his mouth. He was having a horrible thought. He was pretty certain there was never a filter under their sink before. Even the few times he had put away cleaning supplies or on the rare occasion the dish drainer, he had never seen one. Ray scrunched up his face trying to remember. “Did we have a water filter?” If they did, he had never changed the thing, never saw Ben change it for that matter either.

“No,” Fraser said with some disappointment. Ray couldn’t remember anything.

“There’s a filter under the sink.” The _water_ . What if there was something in the water? Maybe it was like that little white pill Zippy had given him. That thing had dissolved like powdered sugar, and he couldn’t remember a trace of a taste. _Shit._ Fraser wasn’t the only one who’d just failed a drug test. What about Dief? He hadn’t been himself lately either, and the vet had called and said that Diefenbaker had picked up a poison somewhere. What were drugs if not poison? Dief and Fraser drank water from the same tap. What if -

No, he was being paranoid. But it felt like everything was falling into place. If Fraser didn’t install the water filter, who the hell did? What if Fraser _was_ telling the truth? He hadn’t been taking drugs - not knowingly. Someone else had been putting them in him.

Shit. Ray pulled the bottle of tylenol out of his pocket and popped the top, shook a few pills out into his hand. “This is what you’ve been taking? These pills?” Ray asked suddenly, his voice trembling.

Fraser’s eyes filled with anger once again. “Yes,” he snapped. “I told you that already.”

“Jesus, Ben. These pills _aren’t_ tylenol.” Ray pushed the white tablets back into the bottle and secured the lid. “They look a helluva lot like Vicodin.”

Fraser turned, eyes hurt. “Are you saying I switched them? That I was trying to deceive you?”

“No! Ben, that’s not what I’m saying at all.” Ray pressed his hand up against his forehead and took a deep breath. “I think somebody’s doing this to you. Somebody’s doing this to _us.”_

“What are you talking about?” Fraser tried to make sense of what Ray was saying. “You think someone deliberately switched those pills?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Ray stared out at the water as everything fell into place.

“But why would anyone do that?” Fraser asked as he tried to catch Ray’s train of thought. His head was spinning and he wasn’t sure he could jump on the thought train and catch up with Ray as he was speeding away with his idea.

“It kinda makes sense if what I’m thinking is true. There’s gotta be something in the water that’s making you sick. You get a headache, what do normal people do? They go take a dose of Tylenol to get rid of it. Wash it down with some water-” Ray was talking fast with his hands and Fraser was having a difficult time following. “Get dosed again, repeat the cycle of taking pills to get rid of your growing headache.” Ray slammed a fist into his opposite palm. “Jesus… no wonder you’ve been acting so crazy. Dammit and I was so insistent that you take something for your shoulder when you tripped over my damn bag. _Fuck._..”

“But you weren’t getting sick so that doesn’t prove your theory.”

“Ben,” Ray rocked forward on the balls of his feet and jabbed a thumb into his own chest. “I don’t drink the fucking tap water. I buy the bottled crap. You and Dief are the only ones who drink out of the faucet.”

Fraser groaned and hid his face. “No wonder I - God. He made me look like an incompetent fool.”

“You’ve been seeing Jimmy, right?” Ray asked and Fraser nodded. “It’s got to be Jimmy.”

“Yes.” Fraser turned to Ray. “I’m sorry. I still don’t know - I can’t think straight. I don’t know how he’s doing this. Or why.”

“Neither do I.” Ray’s jaw hardened with anger at the thought of what he would do to Jimmy Akers when he found him. “But I’m sure as hell going to find out.”  


~*~

It took some serious convincing, but Ray finally got Fraser to agree to go to the hospital and get checked out. Initially he was reluctant. Ray didn’t blame him. Everyone he knew thought he was going crazy, and he didn’t exactly trust authority figures at the moment.

“What if they don’t believe me?” Fraser hesitated before opening the door to Ray’s GTO. “What if they say _I_ installed the filter?”

“There’s a hell of a lot of easier ways to take drugs if you were doing it deliberately. And you’d not risk poisoning Dief or myself or anyone else who might use the faucet.”

“I’ve lost my job, Ray. Inspector Thatcher fired me this morning.”

“Yeah, well, the Ice Queen can’t fire you for failing a drug test when you’re _being_ drugged.”

“You can’t prove that though.”

“Not yet, but I will.”

“You really do believe me?” Fraser’s voice was shaky, and Ray could have kicked himself for not having trusted him from the start. It was going to take a lot of time for Fraser to realise that Ray did believe in him, and it was going to take Ray a lot of time to forgive himself.

“Of course I do. And I called Welsh, Ben. He’s going to go over and remove the filter. I told him, to make sure he gets a water sample before he takes it apart. Forensics will dust it for prints and we’ll go from there.”

Ray glanced away and then back to his partner. “You know you didn’t put it there and I know you didn’t. So you’ve got nothing to be afraid of, okay. Just get in the car and let me take you to the hospital.” Ray studied his partner’s face. There were several scratches across his forehead, a gash above his eye, purpling bruises on his cheek. A split lip. Fraser definitely fought with someone. And if he _was_ high on something because of whatever was in that filtration system, it could have very well been with himself. He remembered Diefenbaker biting him and how out of character that was for the wolf. It was possible Fraser did have an imaginary fight with Jimmy that seemed real to him.

“Ray…” Fraser turned towards the lake again. “I don’t know…” He shivered again. “I can’t remember...”

“It’s okay, Ben.” Ray came around the car and stood in front of Fraser. He gave him a reassuring smile, then suddenly pulled him in for a kiss. Fraser went rigid with shock. He didn’t lean in but he didn’t let go either. And that was all Ray could hope for at the moment. “I love you,” he whispered against Fraser’s cheek. “We’re gonna figure a way out of this mess. We’ll cross whatever bridges we have to in order to do that. Let me be your guide this time.”

“How can you be so sure?” Fraser closed his eyes as a tear fell out of the corner and trickled down his cheek. Ray brushed it away with the caress of his thumb.

Ray leaned in a kissed Fraser gently. “Because we’re a duet.” He stepped back and gave a little shrug matched with a lopsided grin. “And we’re both damn good cops.” Ray motioned towards the car and pulled open Fraser’s door. “Please, let me take you to the hospital so we can get to the bottom of this.”

Fraser conceded. Another tear slipped from his eye. “You don’t think I’m going crazy, do you?.”

“No, I don’t.” Ray winked and smiled softly. “I’m just glad I didn’t have to follow you to Canada.” He walked around and got in the driver’s seat as Fraser closed the car door and settled back in his own seat. “I would have though, you know. I would’ve followed you anywhere.”

~*~

Ray paced nervously up and down the emergency room hallway. He crumpled up the paper coffee cup and slammed it into a nearby trash can. He grumbled and considered retrieving it to get another cup of coffee. “Screw it,” he said as he passed the trash can. “This place has plenty.” Being here again with Fraser was almost reminiscent of the last time Fraser was in the hospital and all because of the same person. Jimmy Akers. All Ray did back then was pace up and down the hallway too.

“Detective,” Welsh’s husky voice filled the empty hallway and Ray spun around to meet him.

“Did you get it?” Ray asked quickly.

“Did one better and got the pipes as well.” Welsh grinned. “Looks like whoever installed the thing wasn’t very concerned about getting caught.”

“But you got it?”

Welsh rolled his eyes. “Detective, I just said that. Do you not listen?”

“Sorry. Just worried that it would have magically disappeared.” Ray folded his arms and dropped himself into a nearby plastic chair. They hadn’t gotten any more comfortable in the last year. “What would that do to Ben if you went and got it and it was gone? ”

“Well, let’s not even introduce that idea to him.”

Ray nodded in agreement and dropped his head against the hard wall. The thud echoed in the empty corridor. “Fraser told me that Thatcher fired him this morning.”

“Lovely.” Welsh cracked his neck and sat down beside Ray, patting his knee. “How is the Constable? Once we get that filter tested, it will only be a matter of time before she reinstates him.”

Ray nodded. “I’m worried about him.”

“Me too. How is he physically? I already know he isn’t all there upstairs at the moment.”

Ray snorted and let out a frustrated sigh. He scrubbed his eyes with his knuckles. “The doctor popped out about half an hour ago and said they had a hard time getting him hooked up to an IV to get some fluids in him. They keep saying he’s really dehydrated. Something about veins collapsing. And he’s agitated. Whatever is in his system must be wearing off.” Ray ran a hand through his honey colored hair. “I just don’t get that. He drinks water all the time. I mean, you were at our place. And forgive his moment of being an utter slob, but how could you miss all the glasses in the sink?”

“You think it was something in the filter?” Welsh scratched his chin. “Maybe something that causes a constant thirst? Keeps him coming back for more?”

“I don’t know, probably. That’s Fraser’s specialty knowing all that stuff.” Ray starred his Lieutenant in the eye and pointed an index finger in his direction. “And _do not_ think for one moment that he put it there himself.”

“I wasn’t even going to suggest it.” Welsh placed a hand on Ray’s shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. “We should get some results back from forensics in a day or so. Fingerprints hopefully by the end of the day.” Welsh stood up. “In the meantime, I have my own work to do. Fraser isn’t the only one who failed the drug test.”

Ray made a face. “Seriously?” He wondered if he should fess up and tell him about accepting the drug from Zippy. Ray scrubbed that idea quickly. Welsh had enough on his plate and besides, it was a one time ‘accidental’ dosing.

Welsh grumbled and let out a frustrated sigh. “Things are tight enough with budget cuts, now I have to deal with officers on suspension.”

“Uh, hey… about the assignment,” Ray twirled his thumbs waiting for shit to hit the fan. You don’t just walk off an undercover assignment without some kind of backlash.

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure something out. If there’s a drug problem there, I’m sure the owner would want it taken care of. Let me worry about that for now. There will be a way to get you back in. And if not you, someone else.”

“Thanks.”

Welsh left and Ray was left waiting alone once again. How long did it take to stick an IV in someone and put them in a room? Fraser didn’t have any other injuries from his supposed fight that he knew of. Ray scratched at his stubbled jaw. That part of this whole story still wasn’t adding up. When Fraser had told Welsh about the fight he supposedly had with Jimmy, he kept saying ‘them’, not him. ‘One thing at a time.’ Ray reminded himself.

A doctor finally approached Ray and he bolted out of his seat like a jackrabbit on steroids.

“How is he?” Ray asked, before the doctor even had a chance to open his mouth.

“He’s stable,” the doctor said, and gave a sympathetic smile. “Calm down, Mr. Kowalski. He’s in good hands.”

That wasn’t a great answer. ‘ _He’s stable_ ’ meant that he wasn’t really well. ‘ _He’s in good hands,_ ’ meant that he needed to be looked after. Shit. Ray took a shaky breath.

“What’s going on?”

The doctor sat, and gestured for Ray to sit too. Ray perched on the edge of one of the plastic seats, hunched over his knees, ready to jump up if he had to.

“Well, as you probably guessed, he’s severely dehydrated. It seems that he’s been drinking plenty of water, so we’ve taken blood samples to test his pancreas and kidney - nothing for you to panic about, but they can affect the way the body balances water -”

“I know about the pancreas thing. You think Fraser might have diabetes?”

“From his previous medical history it seems unlikely, but we need to check. Personally, I think it is more likely that he has some renal issues - maybe a kidney infection or -”

“Hang on, his kidneys are fu - screwed up?”

“I didn’t say that, Mr. Kowalski. I’m just letting you know what we are looking into.” The doctor sighed. “He was extremely agitated, and found it painful when we took his blood. Initial toxicology reports show signs of a poison. So we are going to run further tests to hopefully pinpoint what he was ingesting.”

“Okay, hopefully the forensics will be back soon on the water filter and we can compare the two.”

“Yes, if what you told me when you brought him in turns out to be true, the toxins should be the same. His blood pressure was very high as well, which is completely unlike his usual readings.” The doctor fidgeted with his stethoscope dangling around his neck. “When you see him, you’ll probably find that he has bruises on his arms. We had to hold him steady. I’m sorry about that.”

‘You damn well better be.’ Ray couldn’t say anything. He felt sick.

“I’m afraid that’s not the worst.” The doctor looked down at his clasped hands. “I understand that you have been away for some time working?”

“Yeah. Not long. Going on two weeks.”

“It looks as though someone may have assaulted him within the last few days.”

“You mean the bruises?”

“Yes.”

“You mean like someone punched him in the stomach or something?” Ray had a horrible thought that he knew where this was going, and he refused to believe it. The doctor kept looking at him though, and Ray’s heart sank. “You mean someone...” He couldn’t even say it. Fraser had told Welsh he a had a fight. The doctor just confirmed it. Something _had_ happened, Fraser hadn’t just imagined it. Ray was sick and furious. He wanted to kill the bastard. If it was true, Jimmy Akers finally got what he wanted.

“I uh, I stopped your Lieutenant on his way out and gave him Benton’s clothing that he was wearing to test for any trace evidence.”

Ray was growing sicker by the moment. Fraser assaulted in their own home. ‘Please, God,’ Ray begged. ‘Don’t let that be true.’

“We can do a more thorough exam once he is less agitated.” The doctored straightened his white coat.

Ray didn’t like where this conversation was going. “Oh God.” He clasped a hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut tight. “You think he was sexually assaulted?”

“Ray,” the doctor’s voice was gentle. He placed a supportive hand on Ray’s shoulder. “The date rape drug showed up in his blood work. You understand we have to entertain the possibility that he may have been raped. We can only check that with an exam. Unless he has showered, there should be some evidence on him somewhere that we can collect.”

Ray just stared at the floor. He knew it had to be done. He just hated that it had to be done to Ben. “Did you ask him?”

The doctor nodded.

“And?”

“He doesn’t remember anything, which as a detective, you already know that is usually the case in situations like these.” The doctor gave Ray’s shoulder a supportive pat. “You can go in and see him in a few minutes. Just be aware, he may seem a little groggy. We gave him a mild sedative to help settle him down. He should finally be able to get some sound sleep.”

“Thank you.” Ray shook the doctor’s hand and the man stood up.

“I’ll check back in in the morning.”

~*~

For the first time in longer than he could remember, Fraser felt safe. Not that he was comfortable - the IV drip in his hand was itchy, and the mattress beneath the bed sheets were plastic and slippery. The noises of the ward were constant and irritating in the extreme. But it dawned on him, after the doctor left and the nurse returned to her rounds, that at least in the hospital, Jimmy wouldn’t be able to get to him. Usually, he didn’t like being on a public ward, but on this occasion it reassured him to know that there were witnesses, twenty four hours a day. If only Ray were here as well he could close his eyes and get some sleep.

No sooner had he thought it then Ray came in. Fraser turned his head on the pillow and smiled at him groggily. Ray smiled back, but it seemed forced somehow. Fraser felt his own smile fail.

“Hey, Frase,” Ray tugged on his t-shirt. Why was the heat on in Fraser's room in the middle of the summer? Ben was buried under layers of worn beige blankets. He approached the bed slowly and pulled up a plastic chair. Now was not the time to be asking him any difficult questions. Ray took a seat and reached for Fraser’s hand. “Hey,” he whispered as he stroked the top of Ben’s hand, careful of the IV securely taped to his pale skin. “Don’t look like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like the whole world’s against you.”

Fraser closed his eyes and whispered. “It feels like it is at the moment.”

“It’s not.” Ray gave Fraser a soft smile and squeezed his hand again reassuring him. “I promise. How are you feeling?”

Fraser pondered this as he rubbed his temple with his free hand. “A little better. Dizzy. Sleepy.”

“Yeah, the doctor told me about that. The dizzy is because the crap is leaving your system. The sleepy is because they gave you something to calm you down. And also, you said you’ve not been sleeping well, so you’re just really tired. Reckon you’ll feel a lot better if you get some solid sleep.”

“I’ve not been sleeping well without you.” Fraser admitted aloud before he could stop himself. He still loved Ray, couldn’t help himself. But then he couldn’t ignore the fact that a strange beautiful young woman had showed up on their doorstep returning Ray’s belongings.

Ray gave his hand another squeeze, then lent over the bed and kissed his forehead. “I know that feeling,” he said. “Me either. But I’m here now.”

Fraser drew back at the gesture. “Ray, about that woman.”

“Ben,” Ray dropped his head forward. “Please don’t do this. Okay? There is no woman. There is _no_ one.”

“Then how did she get your things?” Fraser pulled his hand away from Ray.

Ray sat back in the plastic chair and threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know,” he exclaimed annoyed. “I sure as hell didn’t _give_ them to her. I don’t even know who the hell she is.” Ray took a calming breath and let it out slowly. “Ben, I swear to you, I do not know her. She probably got my things the same way someone managed to install a filter under our sink.”

“And what about the phone number she gave me to give to you?”

“What are you talking about?” Ray looked as puzzled as Fraser felt.

“It matched the same number that called you the morning after you came… after you came home to get your pillow.” Fraser didn’t want to say it, didn’t want Ray to confirm it but he had to know the truth. No matter how much that truth hurt. “Have you really been undercover all this time or have you been...?”

“Don’t even say it! Okay?” Ray shot his calloused and bruised hands out towards Fraser, palms up as evidence. “You think I would really do this to myself on purpose to trick you so I could have some kind of fling?”

Fraser cringed at the accusation. Hearing it aloud, it sounded so absurd coming out of Ray’s mouth.

“Listen. I don’t know what the hell is going on. The guy training me called me to come back that morning and I ended up working with some stinky guy named Zippy who makes Dewey look like a saint.”

“But the phone numbers matched. They were the same. How could that be? Unless you really weren’t undercover…”

“I don’t know…” Ray pointed a finger in Fraser’s direction. “What I _do_ know is that I love you, and I’ve never cheated on you. I honest to God have been working undercover in some God awful factory for the last week.”

“You think…” Fraser’s voice drifted off as his eyelids grew heavy. He jerked back awake. “I’m sorry…”

“No.” Ray relented. “I’m sorry. Look, you need to get some rest. We’ll figure this out. You’ve been through a lot the last few days. You should try and get some sleep.”

“You think while we were away, that’s when someone broke in?” Fraser rubbed at his eyes trying to get them to stay open against the effects of the sedative.

Ray thought about it. That made perfect sense. Oh God- “You know, Mrs. Henderson stopped by to drop off our mail, after we got home.” Fraser looked confused and Ray continued to explain. “Remember? You went to see the Ice Queen and I went and picked up some groceries.” Ray scrubbed his stubbled jaw. “She said that we passed our annual inspection. What if it _was_ Jimmy instead of a real inspector?”

Fraser shook his head on the pillow. “He lived a few doors down from me before he was arrested. She would have remembered him and would never have let him in our apartment. Even if he did have an actual job as an inspector.”

“Okay, maybe.” Ray pulled on his ear. “Although, her health hasn’t been the best lately. So, okay. If not him, then what about that Gwen chick?”

“Ray...” Fraser paused. It finally sank in that Ray was telling him the truth. That the whole thing about the alleged affair was an ugly twisted complex lie.  

“Think about it for a second, Ben.”

“No, my head hurts.” Fraser coughed and squeezed his eyes shut against the overhead light. For a moment Ray thought he was going to throw up.

“You okay?” Ray asked concerned. He reached over Ben’s left shoulder and pulled the cord on the light panel above the bed, dimming the light considerably. “How’s that?” he asked as he rubbed a hand down Fraser’s thigh in an attempt to sooth and settle him. Ray smiled when Ben didn’t flinch against his touch.

“Better, thank you.” Fraser took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The sedative the doctors had given him was starting to make staying awake and coherent much more difficult.

“Think of all the things that have gone missing since we’ve been home, Ben. The letter opener, my pants, my hair gel, your bookmark picture. You started acting like a crazy person _after_ we got home. They had to have done it while we were gone.”

Fraser yawned and his eyes slid shut against his will. When he felt Ray’s hand on his shoulder, he popped his eyes open and tried to focus on the blond before him. “I’m sorry, I keep drifting off.”

“It’s okay, you’re really tired. You need to rest. We’ll talk more in the morning. Hopefully Welsh and the doctors will have some answers for us by then.”

Fraser’s eyes flew open. “Don’t go.” His voice was sharp with alarm. “Please.”

“Okay, okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

Good. Fraser rolled slightly onto his side, facing Ray, still holding his hand. While they were together, he felt safe. No one could touch him. Ray wouldn’t let them.

~*~

Ray shut the apartment door behind himself and fell against it. He slid down the door and hit the floor with a dull thud. And then he started to sob. He had held all the emotions in at the hospital for Fraser’s sake. But now that he was alone, he let it all go. The tears flowed freely as his sinuses opened up and began to drain. Ray wiped his eyes and nose on the sleeve of his shirt. He was a blithering mess.

He glanced around the apartment and was still confused about the fight Fraser kept saying he had with Jimmy. With the exception of the clothes thrown on the floor in the bedroom and the dishes littering the sink and counter, their place was relatively clean. Almost _too_ clean. Fraser hadn’t been the tidiest guy on the planet lately - so it stuck out that even though there were plates and cups in the sink, and books and papers all over the table… Ray frowned. Something about it didn’t add up. Ray pulled himself up off the floor and walked over to the coffee table. There was no dust. Scattered pieces of mail, a few books, Ray’s car magazines… but _no_ dust. Someone had cleaned and he was absolutely certain it hadn’t been Fraser. Ray felt sick. Someone _had_ been here. Ray felt his stomach knot up with the thought of someone being in their home. Someone had touched their things. Fraser actually may have had a fight with someone and they cleaned it up.

He needed to call Welsh and have forensics go through their place with a fine tooth comb. That thought alone made his stomach churn. He didn’t want to let his colleagues invade his and Fraser’s personal lives. But, if Jimmy or someone else had been here, there should be evidence of it somewhere.

Ray wanted to kill the bastard. Should have done it when he had the chance a year ago. God he wanted to throw up. He felt the bile rising in his throat. His head started to spin. Ray made it to the bathroom before he lost the contents of his stomach. When he was done retching, he rinsed his mouth and splashed water on his face. Then froze. He bent over and opened the door under the sink and let out a sigh of relief. “Thank, God,” he muttered. There was no filter under the bathroom sink.

He turned around to hang his towel on the rack by the shower and saw several of their bath towels in the bottom of the tub. God, Fraser _had_ turned into a slob. He bent over to pick them up to place them in the laundry basket. They were damp to the touch. Ray wrinkled his brow, confused. Welsh had said Fraser had been in the same clothes two days in a row. Which either meant he hadn’t showered and never changed out of them or he put the same clothes back on again. Ray picked the towels up. They smelled musty but not from being wet. He couldn’t place the aroma until the words of Fraser’s doctor sunk in.

Fraser had been assaulted.

Ray paced back and forth in the bathroom trying to decide what to do. He knew what needed to be done, but he wasn’t prepared to deal with the outcome of the results. Ray could feel his heart beating against his chest. He needed to get the towel to Welsh and have it tested.

Fraser always kept the paper grocery bags under the kitchen sink. Ray found a bag and carefully placed the towel in it, folded the top down and taped it shut. His fingers shook as he wrote ‘evidence’ on the outside of the bag in black marker.

“Jesus,” he gasped and stepped away from the counter. Ray squeezed his eyes shut. He and Fraser would make it through this. They had to. They had already endured so much. Ray set about his original task to take his mind off the bag sitting on the counter top. Ben needed some clean clothes. Their bedroom was in no better shape than the kitchen. Blankets and sheets on the bed were in a disheveled mess. Clothes were piled on the floor beside the laundry basket and not in it. Fraser had the nerve to call him a slob? That wasn’t fair and Ray knew it. He _was_ a slob… Fraser wasn’t. And Ben had been supposedly drugged. He began to pick up the clothes in an attempt to tidy up the bedroom. And then he smelled that same sickening scent again. It wasn’t as strong, but it was unmistakable. Ray sniffed each article of clothing and dropped them into the laundry basket until he came across the offending pair of boxers. Fraser’s boxers. They were soiled with what smelled like a semen stain. Either Fraser was jacking off while he had been gone or…

And then Ray remembered the dream Fraser told him he had dreamt one night. The dream where he and Ray were getting intimate and Fraser had guided Ray’s head to his cock. But then Ray had morphed into Jimmy and then Fraser was startled awake. Ray’s stomach was now in his throat and he was afraid he was going to vomit again. What if Fraser had been drugged and Jimmy really was there and really did… Ray couldn’t finish his thought. Didn’t want to finish it.

Ray bagged the pair of boxers and set it next to the bagged towel on the counter top. He picked up the phone and called Welsh. “Hey, Lieutenant, it’s Ray.”

“Detective, it’s late. Is Fraser okay?” Welsh asked concerned.

“Yeah. He’s okay for now. I decided to slip out while he was sleeping. Frannie is sitting with him while I’m gone. I came back to our place to get him some clothes in case the doctor releases him tomorrow.”

“Good. That’s good to hear.”

“Listen, I have a few things that I need you to have tested for me.” Ray paused and attempted to collect himself. “And I think maybe you need to have someone go through our place.”

“Ok, I’ll get someone on it right away.”

“Listen, Lieu, this is our lives we’re talking about here. I’d appreciate it if whoever you send in is discreet. Fraser and I don’t need everyone at the station knowing about our private lives.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get Detective Jensen. He has a lot of respect for the Constable. He’s also a good friend of Vecchio’s.”

“Thank you.”

“Bring me whatever it is you have and I’ll put it at the top of the list with the filter and pipe. Didn’t you say something about Diefenbaker? I can get the vet to send us over his file and compare the lab results to Fraser’s.”

“I’m pretty sure that they will match.” Ray rubbed his temple. He didn’t know how to tell his boss about what happened to Fraser. “Listen, can you submit the tests anonymously? I don’t want Ben’s name smeared everywhere.”

“What’s going on, Ray?”

Ray let out a shaky breath and continued slowly. “The doctor thinks Ben was assaulted.”

“Well that fits with what Fraser told me about having a fight with that Jimmy. He has scratches all over his arms and face.”

“No,” Ray paused.

“Ray?” Welsh’s voice was filled with concern. “What happened?”

“The doctor told me that date rape drug was found in Fraser’s blood work.” Ray paused and gulped. He wasn’t going to get sick again. “And I found a few things in our apartment that may prove Ben was assaulted.”

Silence.

“Oh God.” Welsh cursed under his breath. “Bag them and I’ll meet you at the station.”

~*~

Ray leaned against the wall at the entrance of Fraser’s room and watched him stir in his sleep. Fraser rocked his head from side to side on the flat pillow. It appeared to Ray as if he was having a nightmare. Or was remembering what had happened. Fraser pushed the blankets down towards his waist and then in a split second, grabbed them and pulled them tight around his neck. Ray wished he could make this living hell disappear.

It was early in the morning and Ray’d been awake all night. He couldn’t sleep. Thoughts of what Jimmy could have done to Fraser wouldn’t stop spinning in his head. Besides, there were detectives already going through their apartment and he shouldn’t be there getting in there way. So he’d come back to the hospital to check on Ben. He had somehow managed to convince the nurse supervising the night shift to let him look in on Fraser. The room was illuminated  by a dim light that had been left on above the small sink in the bathroom. He strolled quietly across the room and took up residence in his earlier vacated plastic chair. God these things were uncomfortable. If doctors were ever patients, he was sure they would demand better seating for visitors.

Fraser screamed out in his sleep causing Ray to jump. Ray hopped to his feet and took hold of Fraser’s thrashing arms to try and settle him.

“Ben,” he called softly, not wanting to startle Fraser.

Fraser’s eyes flashed open, locked on Ray then darted around the room. His pupils looked like giant saucers in the soft lighting. When his gaze finally fixated on Ray for a solid amount of time, he stopped fighting his invisible assailants and let his arms go lax in Ray’s tight hold.

“Ben, take it easy. It’s me, Ray.” Ray placed a soothing hand over Fraser’s chest to try and push him back into the bed. He could feel Fraser’s strong heartbeat thumping wildly against the palm of his hand. “It’s okay, Ben. There’s no one here but me.”

Fraser pulled the blankets tighter against his chest and scooted to the head of the bed. He dragged his knees up the bed towards his chest and tried to stop shaking. It took several long moments before Ray’s voice cut through the darkness and Fraser acknowledged his presence.

“Ray…” Fraser was trembling and gasping for air.

“Yeah,” Ray sat down on the edge of the bed, placing a firm hand on Fraser’s trembling knee. “I’m right here.”

Fraser scrubbed a hand over his face. “Jesus. I must have been having a nightmare.”

Ray let out a shaky breath to match Fraser’s. “You kinda scared me there for a minute. I was about to fall asleep in the chair when you yelled.”

“You were still awake?” Fraser asked concerned.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Ray confessed with a simple shrug of his shoulders. “You okay now?”

“Yes.” Fraser stretched his legs out and tried to put on a relaxed front. According the the monitors, his breathing and heart rate were slowly returning to a more normal level. “It was just- just a bad dream.”

“Listen, Ben,” Ray began softly. He took Fraser’s hand in his own and laced their fingers together. “We need to talk about this fight you had with Jimmy.”

Fraser lowered his gaze and stared at his blanket covered kneecaps. “I don’t remember everything.”

And that’s exactly what Ray was afraid of…

Ray decided that he would move to safer conversations for the time being. “Hey, I talked to the vet on my way home last night to grab you a change of clothes. He said that Dief can come home tomorrow.”

“They figured out what was wrong with him?” Fraser asked.

Ray was confused. Did Fraser miss the whole previous day? Did he miss the whole ER experience, their argument at the apartment, the time at the lake? Was a whole chunk of his memory gone again?

“The same thing is wrong with him that’s wrong with you. You’ve both been drugged by drinking the water in our apartment.”

“Oh.” Fraser picked at the lint on the beige blanket. “Oh God, Ray.” Fraser covered his face with both his hands. The IV tubing caught on the lowered bed railing and Ray was afraid Fraser was going to rip it out of his vein. “The two of us. We had a fight.”

“Not a fight, Frase. Just a bunch of misunderstandings. Water under the bridge.”

Fraser looked at him with doubt. “I think I- I did, didn’t I?” A surge of emotion rose in him, shame and anger directed at himself. Fraser covered his mouth with his hand. “Jesus. I pulled your gun on you.”

“Hey.” Ray reached out and stroked his arm. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“It doesn’t matter. I could have -” Panic gripped him. “I could have killed you.”

“No, you couldn’t,” Ray said, making it sound very reasonable. “You put the gun down, remember?” He raised an eyebrow. “Besides. I’m not an idiot. It wasn’t loaded.” It _was_ , but Ray wasn’t going to tell Fraser that.

“Oh.” He still shouldn’t have done it, but Ray seemed prepared to forgive him. “I don’t know why - I can’t explain it - but I was angry with you, and I was - I was frightened of you. I thought - it felt like you had hurt me.” He closed his eyes.

“No. I’d never deliberately hurt you. I couldn’t. I love you too much.” Ray swallowed hard. “But there’s someone who would.”

Fraser opened his eyes and locked on Ray’s. “Jimmy.”

“Yeah, Frase. Jimmy.” Ray returned to the hard plastic chair and leaned forward on his elbows.

Fraser turned his attention to the darkness outside the window. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Ben, I know you don’t want to. I don’t want to ever think of him again. But some of what you told Welsh doesn’t make any sense. I know how hard it has to be, but we need to talk about what he might have done to you.”

Fraser lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. His gaze was fixated on the dark shadows outside the window. “I told you, I don’t remember anything.”

“Okay. But listen.” Ray felt the nausea building again. He clasped his own hands together and twirled his thumbs as a distraction. He didn’t want to have this conversation anymore than the next person. But it had to be done. And Ray would rather Ben hear it from him, than a doctor. “Ben, your doctor told me he found the date rape drug in your blood work.”

“What?” Fraser began to shake. Ever since waking up disoriented on their bedroom floor, Lieutenant Welsh beating on their door like a crazy person, Fraser had been trying to piece together in his mind what the hell had happened to him.

“He’s going to need to examine you to… to find out if you were-”

“Oh God.” Fraser began to tremble under the worn blankets. “No-”

Ray swiped at a falling tear. “I swear to God if he did anything to you, I’ll kill him with my bare hands.”

“I can't to through that again, Ray.”

“Ben we have to know if he did anything to you.” Ray shifted uncomfortably on the plastic chair. “I found a couple of things at our apartment that need to be tested. Anything you can remember will help us be able to put him away for good this time.”

Fraser stared wide eyed at Ray. “What kind of things?”

“A pair of your underwear and a towel, both have stains on them.” The words stuck in Ray’s throat like thick honey.

Fraser tried to remember. “The underwear,” he began and blushed with embarrassment. “I told you the dream I had. I apparently missed them when I did laundry.”

‘You haven’t _done_ any laundry,’ Ray wanted to scream but nodded instead. “Okay, but the towel, unless you’ve been jacking off while I’ve been gone-”

Fraser flinched at the crudeness of Ray’s words.

“Sorry, I know you don’t do that. Ben, if he hurt you in any way, we need to know so Welsh can have him arrested. Otherwise, he gets what he wants.”

“It didn't help last time. They still let that monster out.” Fraser snapped. “Besides, what I remember doesn't make sense.”

“Maybe I can help you make sense of it.” Ray encouraged as he squeezed Fraser’s thigh.

“You'll think I'm crazy.”

Ray shook his head and gave up a small smile. “No, I won’t.”

Fraser closed his eyes and dropped his head back into the flat pillow. “I was in bed asleep and I woke up and he was standing at the end of our bed. Standing there staring at me.” Fraser struggled with the words as he relived the nightmare. “He was dressed in your clothes.”

“My clothes?” Ray shuddered, disgusted at the thought of Jimmy wearing his clothes and pretending to be him.

“Yes. Your favorite green shirt and those faded blue jeans I like on you. He looked a lot like you.”

“People used to mistake us for twins when we were younger.”

“I mistook him for you once, too.” Fraser coughed, cleared his throat and continued. “He crawled up the end of the bed. The closer he got,” Fraser stopped speaking and looked Ray in the eyes, gave him a sad smile. “I could smell the cigarette smoke on him. I knew it wasn’t you. You had stopped smoking years ago. It made me sick to my stomach- _that_ _smell_. But he was wearing a bracelet like yours.”

Ray was boiling over with anger on the inside.

Fraser continued on, his voice trembling as he spoke. “I scrambled out of bed to get away from him. My legs got twisted in the sheets and blankets and I fell to the floor. I managed to make it to my feet, only to trip over the laundry basket as he followed me out of the room. I think I hit my head on the door when I went down.”

Ray’s eyes instinctively went to Fraser’s forehead. There was an angry purple bruise above his left eye with a shallow cut running through the center of it. Fraser must have whacked his head good. He was surprised the doctors hadn’t covered it with a bandage of some sort. Along with the drugs, a hit to the head would also make Fraser’s memory fuzzy. “What happened next?” Ray asked hoping to keep the memory train rolling.

“I pushed myself to my feet, backed myself out of our bedroom.” Fraser’s whole body began to shake as he recalled what happened. “When I turned around, I ran into him in the living room behind the couch.”

Ray looked at him confused. “How did he get past you?”

Fraser hesitated before he spoke. “He didn’t.”

Ray’s eyebrows scrunched together. “I’m confused. If he was behind you coming out of the bedroom, how did he get into the living room _before_ you?”

“I don’t know.” Fraser’s face was pinched and he was blinking hard. “I know you won’t believe me, but…”

“Hey,” Ray leaned forward and took Ben’s hand in his own. “I never said I didn’t believe you. I’m just trying to understand and make sense of it. Tell me, Ben. Anything. I’ll listen.”

Fraser stared at Ray for a long moment. “There were two of him.”

“Ben,” Ray tried to be the voice of reason without sounding like he didn’t believe Fraser. “How can that be?”

“I don’t know, but everytime I turned around they closed in on me from either side.” Fraser’s voice trembled with fear. “I tried to fight them off, but I was confused and dizzy. None of my punches seemed to have any effect on them.”

“The drugs. They’d have made you weak.” ‘ _And delusional_ ,’ Ray thought but didn’t say out loud.

“One of them grabbed me from behind and the other kicked my legs out from under me. They forced me to the floor, one of them sat on my hips while the other pinned my arms down.”

“Jesus.” Ray was sick. That’s probably where the bruises on Fraser’s arms came from, not the doctors’ trying to insert an IV line. Fraser _did_ remember. He remembered just enough. Ray just didn’t get who the other guy Fraser kept talking about could be. Did Jimmy have an accomplice? And if so, who the hell was it? Or was Fraser, in his drug induced state, just imagining a second person there? He couldn’t fathom the fear that Fraser had and was still experiencing. It was bad enough what Jimmy had almost done to him a year ago. Now to have to live through a fresh nightmare. To have it happen _again_. They had a long road ahead of them.

“One of them shoved something in my mouth,” Fraser said in a whisper. “It dissolved before I could spit it out.” Ben wiped a tear away and pulled the blankets up to his neck like a barrier. “Everything after that is a blank.”

Shit. Fraser was ‘roofied’. The doctor had already told him that. But to hear it actually come from Ben, made it an even harder to accept. He didn’t want to accept the truth that anything had happened to Ben at all. “Okay,” Ray scratched his head and blew out a frustrated breath. “What’s the next thing you can remember?”

Fraser dug his fingers into his temple as if trying to resurrect his failing memory. “I remember waking up on the floor in the bedroom. Lieutenant Welsh was pounding on our door trying to get an answer. I tried to tell him what had happened but I don’t think in my current state he believed a word I said. I remember yelling something at Lieutenant Welsh but I can’t remember what it was now. Everything is still pretty jumbled up in my head. He told me I needed to get some help and left.” Fraser fiddled with the edge of the blanket between his fingers. “If that wasn’t bad enough, Inspector Thatcher showed right after he left and fired me. I had missed my appointment for another drug test.”

 _Jesus._ No wonder Ben was in such a foul mood when Ray got back. Must have felt like his whole world was falling apart - hell, it _had_ fallen apart. Ray squeezed Ben's hand. “That’s probably when he called me.”

Fraser took his finger and ran it across the smooth beads of Ray’s bracelet in a feeble attempt  to distract himself. “Ray.”

“Yeah?”

Fraser remained silent. When he finally looked up, “Do you think Jimmy really-?” Fraser couldn’t bring himself to even say it.

“I don’t know. That’s why we need to let the doctor check you over.”

Fraser scrunched his eyes shut, clearly struggling with the idea. Ray waited him out. This was hard enough on him, it had to be hell on Fraser. Finally, Fraser relented. “Okay,” he agreed as he dropped his chin to his chest.

“I’ll be right here. Okay?”

Fraser offered up his own brave smile. “Okay.”

~*~

“Hey good news,” Ray said cheerfully as he reentered Fraser’s hospital room.  “Doctor’s going to let you go home tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. Another night in an uncomfortable hospital bed. But at least in here, he was safe from the world. “That’s good.” Fraser’s small smile faded quickly and he went back to pushing his scrambled eggs around his breakfast plate. He dropped his fork losing all interest in the food and pushed the stand to the side.

Ray made a face wanting to tell Fraser he needed to eat something but the man had been through enough already. If he didn’t want to eat what was probably imitation powdered eggs, he wasn’t going to force him. “How about I bring you some of that soup from the deli you like down town?”

“That sounds good.” But Fraser didn’t really show any interest in that idea either. The doctor had examined him first thing in the morning and he was still waiting to hear the results. Even though he was dreading what they might reveal. Not only was his memory still blank from the pill he had been slipped, but his body ached. Ached like he had physically exerted himself. Ached like it did after he and Ray would have sex after a long period of time of not being together. He wanted to die. He didn’t ever want to think about sex again. All that kept running through his mind was what Jimmy had done to him that he couldn’t remember. And who was the other person that was there with Jimmy? Maybe he was delusional, maybe it was the drugs messing up his memories. Maybe he couldn’t believe his first hand experience. He had a feeling nobody believed him that there were two people there that night. He just couldn’t get it to add up no matter how hard he tried. Before he could say anything else, Ray started speaking again.

“And,” Ray began as he sat down on the vacated plastic chair. After the previous night, he decided he was going to buy himself a nice leather chair for the next time Fraser ended up in the hospital. Which he hoped and prayed was _never_ . Ray scooted the chair closer to the bed. “It looks like you’re in the clear.” A single tear slipped down his cheek before he could stop it. He had been trying so hard to hold up a brave front for Fraser’s sake. The doctor had stopped him on his way in and told him the news. He told Ray he would be in shortly to tell Fraser himself, but if Ray wanted to relay the news to him first that would be fine. “Jimmy didn’t do anything to you.” Well, obviously Jimmy had done a lot to him - drugged him, mind fucked him - mind fucked them _both_ , but at least he hadn't actually -

Yeah. Ray couldn't even think it, let alone say it. But they both knew what he meant, even if neither one of them could get the words out.

Fraser breathed a sigh of relief, then began sobbing. Ray quickly moved to the edge of the bed and wrapped his slender arms around his partner and held on tight. Fraser dropped his head to Ray’s shoulder and let go of the many emotions he had been holding back. They both needed this comfort. They sat like that for a long time.

“Ahem,” Welsh cleared his throat from the doorway. “Sorry. I don’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s okay.” Ray blushed and let go of Fraser. He motioned toward the empty chair. “Have a seat.”

Welsh shook his head grimly. “I’d rather stand. I won’t be long. There’s a lot of paperwork waiting for me at the office.”

“What’s wrong?” Ray could feel bad vibes coming from his boss.

“I went to Jimmy Aker’s apartment to bring him in for questioning.”

“Good.”

“Would you like to know that he moved into your old place?”

“What?” Ray stood up. He moved to the end of the bed and began pacing before he stopped and kicked the chair at the end of the bed out of frustration. It bounced against the wall and skittered to a stop next to Fraser’s bed. Fraser startled and Welsh stood there looking pissed. “What a sick fuck.” Ray moved to the opposite side of Fraser’s bed and faced Welsh. “Sorry.”

“Feel better now?” Welsh scratched at his chin. “Anyway, he wasn’t there.”

“Dammit.” Ray cursed. He could see Fraser tense up beside him on the bed and placed a hand on his thigh, gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I was almost back to the station when I got a call about an accident just outside of the city.”

“What kind of accident?” Fraser questioned from the bed. He had finally found his voice.

Welsh fumbled with the items in his hands. “Jimmy Akers and his lawyer were killed in a car crash this morning. Looks like they misjudged a curve.”

Fraser flinched. “Dead?” he whispered, and started shaking. Ray put his arm around him and squeezed hard. He felt sick - _furious_.

“Fuck,” Ray muttered. It didn’t matter what the evidence said against Jimmy now. The boxers, the towel, the water filter with the drugs, all of that would be tagged and shoved in a box. If the guy was dead, Fraser would never get justice for the hell Jimmy put him through a second time.

Welsh approached the bed and sat down in the chair anyway. “The detectives found a few things in his car that we believe may belong to the two of you.”

For the first time Ray noticed the brown paper bag Welsh was holding. “Like what? What did he have?”

Welsh opened the bag and pulled out clear plastic bags containing a few items that had been bagged as evidence. “A pill bottle for a Vicodin prescription.” Welsh shook the bottle. “It was empty.”

“I bet it has my name on it.” Ray said dryly. He could slap himself for ever thinking Fraser had taken them from him in the first place.

Welsh nodded and handed the baggie to Ray to confirm. “It does. There’s also a picture of the two of you, ripped down the middle.”

“My missing bookmark,” Fraser whispered to Ray. “Remember? I told you the night you called, I couldn’t find it.”

“There were also some clothes that look a lot like some of yours, Ray.”

“We were right,” Ray was fuming. “He was in our home.”

“Detective Jensen is still going through your place at the moment. But with this recent revelation, it looks like this case is closed.” Welsh stood up. “I’m sorry you had to go through this again, Constable.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Fraser's voice was dull. He didn't sound particularly grateful. Drug induced or not, Fraser was ashamed with his behavior towards the Lieutenant. “I’m sorry-”

Welsh cut him off. “No apology necessary. You were being drugged and not yourself.” And with that, Fraser was forgiven. “Look,” Welsh scribbled some numbers on a piece of paper and handed it to Ray. “When they release Fraser, take him to my place outside of town. Your place is going to be unavailable for a few days anyway while the detectives go through it. If my wife weren’t allergic to dogs, I’d let you take the wolf to my place. Would it be okay to have Francesca keep him for a few days?”

Fraser and Ray both nodded. Ray took the piece of paper. “Thank you, Sir.”

~*~

Ray locked the deadbolt and picked his and Fraser’s cups of coffee off the counter before joining Fraser in the living room of Welsh’s house.

“Thank you,” Fraser said with a small smile as he accepted the offered cup.

“You’re welcome.” Ray rubbed his jaw with his free hand and chuckled. “Welsh seems to be a coffee snob at home. He has a gourmet selection of beans to choose from in that kitchen of his. None of that nasty brew we get at the station.”

Fraser forced a smile when he remembered the sushi Welsh had brought over for dinner. “I think your Lieutenant exhibits more of a finer taste in things in his personal life than his professional.”

“Yeah, probably doesn’t want people to know how much money he makes.” Ray gave Fraser a concerned look. “You’re shivering. Do you want a blanket?”

“It’s cold in here.” Fraser pulled his sock clad feet to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

“It’s the middle of the summer, Ben. Really not that cold in here.” Ray strolled over to the thermostat and adjusted the setting. “There you go, that should make it more comfortable for you. You’ll probably be having withdrawal symptons from that crap that was in the water for a little while yet.” Ray took the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over Fraser before settling in on the opposite end. He picked up an old car magazine and began leafing through the contents. He couldn’t concentrate on what was on the pages though. He lowered the magazine and caught Fraser staring at his knees. “You know, you’ve been usually quiet since we left the hospital. You okay?”

“I hate this,” Fraser mumbled as he took a slow drink of his coffee. He shivered and tucked the blanket around his chin. “It feels like I’m crawling out of my own skin.” He set the coffee cup on the end table and stared back at Ray. They had never really talked about his past abuse of painkillers when he had been shot, just the one time when Ray had hurt his shoulder and was given Vicodin. It wasn’t something Fraser liked to talk about anyway. He fought the addiction, realized he needed help and beat it. He should have realized when they first came home from their vacation and he started to feel ‘off’ that he was suffering from the same kind of symptoms. But how could he have put two and two together since he hadn’t actually taken anything? His head hurt just thinking about it. And then there was Jimmy. “I can’t believe he’s actually dead.”

Ray shook his head in disbelief. “Yeah, neither can I. Can’t say that I’m not glad though.”

Fraser let out a dry laugh and scrubbed his face with his hands. “God, I’m so exhausted.”

“Hey,” Ray leaned forward and caressed Fraser’s knee. “It will get better, I promise.”

Fraser looked at him doubtfully. “How many sessions with Doctor Orn do you think it will take this time to feel normal again? To not be afraid of every shadow?”

“Doesn’t matter, Ben. As many as it takes. I’ll be right there too. You’re not going through this alone. Okay?”

Fraser’s blue eyes were misted over. “I don’t know how to forgive myself for the way I’ve treated you these last few weeks.”

“You don’t need to, Frase,” Ray said as he blew across the top of his coffee. “Drugs make you say and do things you wouldn’t normally do. I know now it wasn’t your fault. How could you know you were being doped every time you took a drink of water?” Ray shook his head. He couldn’t even imagine what Fraser was feeling. He had seen junkies go through withdrawal trying to get clean in rehab. The shaking, sweating, vomiting, dizzy spells all that tied in with hard drug use. But Fraser wasn’t a junkie. Ray was praying that Fraser didn’t get hit hard with all of those side effects while the drugs worked their way out of his system. At least the drugs Fraser was exposed to weren’t anything as hard and addictive as meth or heroine. “Just give it time.”

“Ray,” Fraser began softly.

“Yeah?” Ray closed the magazine and used his finger as a bookmark. Fraser looked like he had a lot on his mind. Who could blame the guy?

“Why didn’t you tell me Diefenbaker bit you?”

Ray dropped the magazine onto his lap and gave Fraser his undivided attention. “Who told you that?”

“Does it matter?” Fraser asked. “Y _ou_ should have told me. I could have taken Dief to the vet sooner.”

“Yes it matters.” Ray tossed the forgotten magazine to the coffee table. Fraser followed it with his eyes. “I didn't tell anyone. Who told you?”

Now Fraser was the one that was confused. Ignore the fact that Ray hadn’t fessed up to the event in question to begin with, but if Ray didn’t tell anyone, how did - “Stella told me.”

“Stella?”

“Yes. She stopped by one morning and asked how I was? I offered her a cup of tea and she took a bottle…” Fraser stopped speaking and just stared at Ray. His heart was hammering. ‘I’m being paranoid,’ he told himself, ‘everything that’s happened, it’s making me see things that aren’t there... but...’. “She took a bottle of water instead. I made the tea with tap water.”

Ray stared at Fraser for a long moment, then blinked hard. It could be nothing. Stella always drank bottled water, never cared much for tea, just like him. “Ben,” he paused for another moment, jaw hanging, then shook his head, as if to clear it. “I never told Stella that Dief bit me. I didn’t think I needed to tell even you. I mean - it wasn’t that bad, just a graze. I thought it was a freak one time thing. Told Dief if it happened again, I was going to rat him out.”

Fraser rubbed his aching temples. This didn’t make sense. It couldn’t mean what he thought it meant. “Then how did she know?” he blurted out.

“The only way she could have known was if she was at the apartment. Which she wasn’t.”

For the first time in several weeks, Fraser finally felt the fog lift from his head. He was starting to feel like a police officer gathering evidence to a complex case. Too bad it was his own.

“You know, Ray -” he rubbed his eyebrow. There was no way to explain his suspicions to Ray that wouldn't be hurtful. And maybe he was wrong, but he had to at least examine the possibility, let Ray know what he was thinking. He cleared his throat. Sometimes somebody else’s words were easier to use than your own. “‘Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.’”

“That something your Dad told you?” Ray was glaring at him, looking angry, as though he already got what Fraser was suggesting.

“No, Sherlock Holmes. Well, Arthur Conan Doyle, actually, but -”

“Fraser, if you have something to say, just spit it out.”

“If she didn't hear it from you, and she didn't hear it from me, then she clearly heard it from someone else.”

“Well, she didn't hear it from Dief and he's the only other _being_ that knew about it,” Ray snapped. “What are you suggesting, Fraser?”

“What does the evidence point at?”

“I can't believe you! Do you really think Stella would -” Ray covered his face. “Shit.”

“Ray?” Fraser leaned forward, pushed the blanket to the side and put a hand on Ray’s knee, concerned. Ray swallowed, then rested his hand on Fraser’s.

“Sorry.” Ray was at a loss for words. “I just can’t see her doing that to us.”

“I know it's not - well, it doesn't necessarily mean anything bad. But - we’ve got to consider it.” Fraser gave Ray another moment. “Maybe she still loves you. And I don’t know, was trying to get us apart so she could reconnect with you. She mentioned your past a lot while she was visiting.”

Ray sighed.

“Do you think our apartment is bugged?” Fraser suggested.

“I don't know.” Ray blew out a breath and considered the possibility. “It's possible.”

Fraser pulled the blanket up over his lap again and began picking at the worn fuzzies on the surface. He glanced up and locked eyes with Ray. “Why didn't you tell me your mother was visiting?”

Ray sat up straighter on his end of the couch. “What are you talking about?”

“I could have taken her to dinner.”

“Did she call?”

“No, Stella told me she was having lunch with her.” Fraser shook his head. “I'm trying to get your parents to accept me. How do you think that makes me feel when your mom visits but goes to see your ex wife instead.”

Ray got up and started pacing in front of the couch. He began chewing on the side of his thumbnail. “Ben-”

“You don't have to make excuses, Ray. If your parents don't like-”

Ray stopped pacing and pointed a finger in Fraser’s direction. “Stop right there. Okay? My parents like you. They like you a lot.” Ray began pacing again as he tried to work through the conflicting thoughts swirling in his head.

Fraser sat silently on the couch and watched his partner.

“None of this makes any sense,” Ray muttered as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Why would Stella even come to the apartment when she knew you were going undercover?”

Ray stopped pacing and turned to face Fraser. He blew out a breath and shoved his hands in his front pockets. “After we got those letters about Jimmy’s release, I asked her to check in on you, to make sure you were doing ok. I trusted her to let me know if everything was okay with you.” Ray scratched his stubbled jaw. “I don't know why, I could have just as easily asked Welsh to check in on you. Her and I have this long history with Jimmy and I know she hated to see him released just as much as we did.”

“You want to tell me about it?”

Ray walked over to Welsh’s stereo and began glancing over his CD collection as a distraction to Fraser’s question. “Jimmy and I were best friends. Then Stella came along and we noticed each other and then as the years went on, we _really_ noticed each other. The closer Stella and I got, the more my relationship with Jimmy shifted into casual pals instead of best buds. He tried to steal Stella away a couple of times. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He always wanted what he couldn’t have and tried to get it no matter what.”

“Like when he showed up at your apartment last year looking for a place to stay?”

“Exactly. He took one look at you and wanted you for himself.”

“Do you think that Stella helped get him released so he could break us up? Make it look like I was going crazy by drugging me? She knew you wouldn’t be harmed because you don’t drink the tap water and you were going to be out of town for a few weeks on a case. She told me that herself. Stella never has liked me, Ray. We both know that.”

Ray just stared at Fraser. The man was talking crazy thoughts, but it all made sick sense. “And then have somebody steal my stuff and then drop it off so it looks like I’m having an affair?”

“So, I’d get jealous and leave you.”

“The undercover job has to be a set up to get me out of the way.” Ray rubbed his temples. “God. How could she?”

“It’s just a thought, Ray.” Fraser shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “Maybe it is all Jimmy’s doing and she unknowingly got pulled into his scam. Did you ever uncover anything at the factory?”

“Yeah. At least I think I did. I think the stolen wire comes into play with a drug problem.”

“Someone is stealing wire to get money for drugs?”

“Kind of. The last guy I was working with, name’s Zippy. Long story short, he would steal wire by hiding it in the trash, get the money for the copper which his boss the Incredible Hulk would use to buy speeder drugs. Pills to keep you awake, make you move faster. See his shift gets a bonus and he gets an even bigger bonus based on production numbers.”

“I bet the owners don’t know that.”

“So if it all was a setup to get me out of the way so they could break you down, I still managed to uncover some pretty significant illegal proceedings.” Ray pulled out his cell phone. “Only one way to find out if she’s in on Jimmy’s scheme.”

“You’re going to call her?”

“You got a better idea?”

“Fresh out,” Fraser admitted.

Ray punched the numbers from memory into his phone. “Shit,” he cursed. “I got her voicemail.” He hung up the phone and tossed it onto the couch next to Fraser. “I’ll try again in ten minutes.”

~*~

“Francesca!” Welsh’s deep voice rumbled from his office.

Frannie had just started walking towards Welsh’s office carrying a stack of papers fresh out of the fax machine and a coffee to calm her irritated bosses nerves. “You bellowed?” she asked irritated. Nobody seemed to appreciate her efforts. She dropped the papers to the desk and handed the cup of coffee to her boss. “I thought you could use a pick me up and those papers just came through for you.” Frannie studied her freshly polished nails and then glared at her boss. “A simple ‘Thank you, Francesca,’ would be appreciated every now and then,” she griped as she plopped herself into the chair in front of Welsh’s desk.

Welsh was already reading through the papers. “Oh my God.”

“I know,” Frannie apologized. “I’m sorry, I tend to get a little dramatic on occasion when I’m feeling unappreciated. You know, my mouth always gets me in trouble. And if it’s not my mouth, it’s my facial expressions.”

“No.” Welsh waved his beefy hand at her. “Not you. Fraser was right. He _was_ fighting two Jimmys.” He turned the fax paper around so Frannie could see what he was talking about. “The fingerprints found in Ray and Fraser’s apartment belong to Jimmy and his twin brother, Ryan.” Welsh held a hand up over his face. “Shit. He has a twin.”

“What?” Frannie asked surprised as she snatched the paper out of Welsh’s fingers. “There’s _two_ of that creep?”

“Get the coroner on the phone. I bet the body we have down in the morgue isn’t Jimmy Akers.” Welsh pushed his chair back from his desk and put his hands over his face. “Remember the car accident that Fraser had last year in Ray’s car?”

“Who could forget that?” Frannie asked. “It was terrible.”

“Akers cut the brake lines. What do you want to bet we’ll find the same thing on his car?” Welsh stood up and shooed Frannie towards the door. “Go make some calls to the Detectives and ask about those brake lines. And call the coroner. We need to find out who’s in our morgue.” Mort was usually very thorough, but he had been off ill and the new guy was a sloppy excuse for a replacement.

“Got it!” Frannie bolted out the door to make the necessary calls. Her heart was racing. If Jimmy Akers was still alive, Fraser was still in trouble.

Welsh went back to reading the remainder of the papers that came through in the fax report from the detectives. ‘Doesn’t anyone know how to use a phone any more to relay important information?’ he thought bitterly. When he got to the final paper, he froze. No way could this one be true. The fingerprints on the water filter belonged to Renfield Turnbull. Welsh picked up his phone and hit a speed dial button. “Come on, pick up!” he hollered into the phone receiver. Welsh slammed the phone down on the third ring and grabbed his car keys. He had two police officers to save.

~*~

Ray grumbled into the phone when he got Stella’s voice mail for the fourth time. “Hey, it’s me again, Stell. Need you to call me back as soon as possible. Really important that I talk to you.” He disconnected the call and hung his head defeated.

“Maybe she’s in court or a meeting with a client,” Fraser offered. Ray was worked up.

“Yeah,” Ray relented and tossed his phone onto the coffee table. “You’re probably right.”

“You said you brought some clothes?” Fraser asked as he stood up. “I think I’m going to go shower. Wash the filth of the day off of me.”

Ray couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. It was very unusual for Fraser not to shower every day. “Don’t you mean the last couple of days?”

Fraser sniffed his shirt and made a face. “I honestly don’t know when the last time was that I showered.” He sat down on the arm of the couch looking defeated. “I’ve let so many people down.”

Ray came over and stood in front of Fraser, placed his hands on his shoulders and squeezed. “You were drugged. None of what happened was your fault. You couldn’t help what the drugs made you say or do.”

“I can’t pretend that none of it happened either. My behaviour was detestable towards you. I was horrible to your boss and my boss.”

Ray leaned forward and planted a kiss to Fraser’s forehead. “It’s okay, Ben. We all know the truth. Once Welsh fills the Ice Queen in on what’s happened, she will have to give you your job back.”

“And what about us?” Fraser whispered. “Where do we stand?”

“What about us?” Ray locked onto Fraser’s blue eyes. His heart was hammering in his chest. Did Fraser think their relationship was over? “You think there’s no ‘us’ anymore?” He put on a brave face and tried to push his insecurities aside.

“I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Ray sat down on the coffee table and took Fraser’s hands into his own. “You and me, Ben. A duet, remember?”

“I said some horrendous things to you.”

“No. The _drugs_ said those things.” Ray leaned forward and kissed Fraser’s lips. “I love you, and that love is unbreakable.” Ray swept the falling tear from Fraser’s cheek. “Go take a shower, wash off the grit and grime and I’ll warm up some of that soup for you.”

Fraser slipped his hand around Ray’s neck and pulled him close. He hesitated before he brushed his lips against Ray’s, then crushed their mouths together. He couldn’t get close enough to Ray. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed when he broke the kiss. “I didn’t know what to believe.” He pulled Ray in for another kiss. “I love you, Ray.”

Ray smiled against Fraser’s cheek. “Welcome back, Frase.”

Fraser finally relented and let go of Ray. He retrieved the bag Ray had packed and headed to the guest bedroom that had its own bathroom to shower.

Fraser toed off his shoes and pulled off his shirt, tossing it onto the bed. He stared at the bed. What he wouldn’t give for a solid night of uninterrupted sound sleep. Maybe tonight would finally be that night. He made his way into the bathroom, turned on the knobs to the shower and found a comfortable temperature just outside of hot. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror for the first time in a week. He looked terrible. Dark circles hung under his eyes, cuts and abrasions covered his face and neck. Angry purple bruises adorned his shoulders. “Jesus,” he muttered. “No wonder everyone thought I was on drugs and having a breakdown.”

Movement from the bedroom caught his attention. “I’ll just be a few minutes,” he called to Ray. He reached into the shower and felt the water. Perfect. When Fraser looked back into the mirror, Jimmy was standing behind him. His eyes went wide with fear.

Before Fraser could react, Jimmy had a hand twisted in his hair. His fingernails dug into Fraser’s scalp. Fraser was about to scream for Ray, but Jimmy was quicker. He slipped his free hand over Fraser’s mouth and slammed his head into the mirror above the sink. Glass shards skittered across the bathroom sink and ceramic floor tiles. Fraser dropped to the floor like a rock. Blood ran down his face from the fresh abrasions on his forehead. Jimmy stepped over his motionless body. “I’ll be back for you.” He set his gaze on the hall towards the kitchen where Ray was heating up soup. “I’ve got a pest to deal with first.”

The first time Ray walked through the Lieutenant’s house he’d seen all of the vases and thought, ‘Huh. Weird thing for a guy to collect.’ Then he’d dumped his and Fraser’s bags in the guestroom and forgotten about it. Later, Fraser had stumbled a little and Ray had caught his arm to steady him. Fraser had jerked against a table and one of the vases had teetered.

“Oh dear,” Fraser had muttered and tried to catch it. Nothing broke, but Fraser looked far more upset than he needed to. Jeez, he was still all over the place, emotionally.

“Hey, don’t worry, Fraser, it’s just some weird assed bowl thing. Welsh won’t mind if you break it, he’d sooner you didn’t hurt yourself.”

“I’m sure that’s true,” Fraser had said. “However, I remember him telling me about his grandmother’s collection - I’d hate to damage something valuable.”

“This stuff’s valuable?” Ray stared at the ass ugly collection. “Wow. Really?”

“Maybe only sentimentally so.” Fraser smiled. “I’m not an expert on vases. I’d still sooner not break his grandmother’s vases.”

Ray had kissed him on the nose. “Freak. It’s not like she’s gonna come and tell you off.”

Right now, Ray was stirring the soup on the stove when he heard the sound of glass shattering. “Frase?” he called from the kitchen. He was worried Fraser had knocked over a vase on the way to the shower. He nearly went to check, but he didn’t want to come across as a mother hen. He stirred the creamy wild rice soup he had bought from the deli in the big pot. Breathing in the aroma, Ray could feel his stomach grumble. He wasn’t sure when the last time was that he had eaten. The past few days had been a whirlwind. He placed the wooden spoon on the spoon rest and lowered the heat to a simmer. “Ben,” he called again when he got no response. “You okay in there? I’m not going to have to tell Welsh you broke one of his grandmother’s vases, am I?”

Ray entered the bedroom and was blindsided by a double fist to the face. He fell against the doorway and dropped to the floor, holding his hands over his face. “Fuck,” He muttered as he felt blood trickling from his nose. The impact had split open his lower lip and Ray could taste the iron. He rolled to his side and managed to open his eyes but he couldn’t get his eyes to focus on the figure above him. He raised his boot clad foot and delivered a swift kick to the side of the assailant’s knee. The loud pop made Ray’s stomach turn. It was effective, but not in the way Ray was hoping. Instead of falling backwards and away from him, the guy dropped to his knees and straddled Ray instead. Ray was trapped underneath the assailant’s weight. His eye’s went wide when he realized who was hovering over him.

“You don’t always get what you want, do you?” Jimmy leaned over and snarled in Ray’s ear.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” Ray hissed.

“I’m good at deceiving people.” Jimmy wrapped his fingers tightly around Ray’s throat, squeezing hard, choking him.

Ray swung an elbow in the direction of Jimmy’s head and caught him in the left temple. Jimmy staggered for a brief moment allowing Ray to follow with a solid fist to the jaw.

Jimmy staggered enough that Ray was able to shove Jimmy off of him with his knees.

Ray rolled to his side and tried to catch his breath and clear the cobwebs. He spit the blood from his mouth and worked himself into a standing position. The hit to the head had left him dizzy and Ray struggled to remain upright. “Fraser!” he called as he delivered a kick to Jimmy’s stomach, trying to keep him down. Jimmy managed to remain on his hands and knees as Ray frantically scanned the room searching for his partner.

With a burst of energy, Jimmy football tackled Ray out of the bedroom and down the hallway. The coffee table caught Ray in the back of the knees and took his legs out from under him. Both Ray and Jimmy fell through the glass top, sending shards everywhere. The hard blow knocked the wind out of Ray and he lay in the frame of the table motionless.

Jimmy bounced to his feet, shook a few slivers of glass off his shirt and gave Ray a menacing grin. “Looks like you lose this round.” He reached behind him and pulled a gun out of the waistband of his jeans. Ray groaned and began to stir as he came to. Jimmy fired.

Jimmy pointed the barrel of the gun at Ray’s still body one more time and chuckled aloud. “You should have just walked away.” Jimmy had his finger on the trigger, ready to fire a second shot into his former friend.

Ray was moaning in agonizing pain. He managed to force his eyes open. Ray’s eyes went wide as he stared down the barrel of the gun. His shoulder was on fire from the first shot and he knew that a second shot at this range, regardless of where he was hit, would kill him. He struggled against the confines of the busted up coffee table. He was tangled in the frame and couldn’t move.

Fraser dove over the back of the couch, tackling Jimmy to the living room floor. The gun fired and the bullet ricocheted off the metal television stand, shattering a blue vase on a nearby shelf. Jimmy recovered quicker than Fraser and beat him to his feet. He delivered a swift kick to Fraser’s ribs, causing him to double over. With Fraser down, Jimmy turned his attention to finding his gun. He was on his hands and knees glancing under the tv stand, then moved to search under the couch.

Fraser worked himself to his knees. He could see Ray bleeding on the floor from a chest wound and knew he had to get him help soon or he would bleed to death. He was feeling dizzying himself from having his head rammed into the glass mirror in the bathroom. He could feel his legs shaking underneath him and fought hard to muster up the strength to go after Jimmy. Someone had to stop him. Blood was trickling down Fraser’s temple into his right eye.

Jimmy was still distracted searching for his missing gun. He slammed a palm against the floor in frustration. “Dammit. Why can’t anything be easy?” He got to his feet and pulled what looked like a knife out of his back pocket. He turned his attention towards Fraser. But Fraser wasn’t where he thought he was. Jimmy spun around trying to locate him.

Fraser had worked his way behind him and landed a solid fist into Jimmy’s jaw. Jimmy staggered backwards, trying to slice at Fraser with the knife-like object. Fraser snatched a red vase off a nearby end table and deflected Jimmy’s blow. He lost his grip and the vase fell to the floor, shattering into hundreds of pieces.

Jimmy stumbled backwards even more. He caught his balance on the back of the couch and lurched forward, stabbing Fraser in the upper arm with the sharp object.

Fraser screamed out in pain. He clutched his arm as the blood began seeping through his fingers. The knife caught him in the same area where he had broken his shoulder. When Jimmy lunged for him again, he swung hard with both hands, knocking Jimmy’s hand to the side and dislodging the object. It skittered across the wood flooring and stopped against the living room wall. Fraser reached forward and grabbed Jimmy’s head between his hands. In one swift motion, he rammed his knee into Jimmy’s chest, knocking the wind out of him. He was about to throw him to the ground when Jimmy surged forward, shoving Fraser up against the wall. His head snapped backwards and connected with the hard surface. Fraser squeezed his eyes shut against the searing pain radiating from the back of his skull.

Jimmy ripped a lamp off an end table and jerked the cord out of the wall. He wrapped the cord around Fraser’s neck and pulled tight, strangling him.

Fraser’s vision began to blur around the edges as his oxygen supply was cut off. He struggled against Jimmy’s strength to get his fingers under the cord to be able to breath. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ray’s hand slowly move towards a black object. It was Jimmy’s gun. Fraser could feel his legs buckling. If he could just get himself turned to the side, maybe he would be able to get Ray a clear shot.

Jimmy noticed the movement as well and spun Fraser around to use him as a shield. “You aren’t going to get that lucky.” He tightened his grip on the cord and Fraser felt himself fading. “Neither one of you are going to make it out of here.”

A shot echoed in the living room and Fraser felt the cord loosen against his neck. He fell to the floor gasping for air. Behind him, Jimmy was slumped against the wall, bleeding from a bullet wound to the neck. Lieutenant Welsh stepped over the shards of glass on the floor and helped Fraser to his feet.

The color was beginning to return to Fraser’s face. “Ray,” he called. He took a step forward and collapsed. Ray hadn’t moved since Welsh shot Jimmy. “We need an ambulance,” Fraser called to Welsh who was instantly on the phone. Fraser managed to crawl over the broken glass, the slivers cutting into the palms of his hands. He pressed a hand into Ray’s wound and Ray’s eyes flashed open from the searing pain.

“Fuck!” Ray screamed out as Fraser tried to stop the bleeding. “Hurts.”

Welsh dropped to the floor beside Ray and pulled a blanket from a nearby chair. “Here, use this to stop the bleeding.” Fraser raised up his hands long enough for Welsh to slide it under, then press down firmly to slow the bleeding.

Ray groaned in protest. “Shit that hurts,” he grumbled in agony. One eye opened in a thin slit. “Is he dead?” he croaked out.

“Yeah, he’s really dead this time.”

“Good,” Ray managed to say before closing his eyes again. “Don't worry, Frase. Just a flesh wound.”

Fraser knew better.

Welsh looked over Fraser’s shoulder to Jimmy Akers’ lifeless body. “Let’s hope he isn’t a triplet.”

~*~

Fraser reluctantly took the offered pain pills from the physician on staff at the hospital. He was being stitched up and observed for a concussion while Ray was undergoing surgery to remove the bullet. He was hoping if they kept him overnight, they would let him stay in the same room as Ray. It was a miracle either of them made it out alive. Neither one would have, had it not been for Lieutenant Welsh. Fraser was attempting to find a comfortable position to rest when Lieutenant Welsh knocked on the opened door of his room.

“You two going to help me clean my place up after you’re released?” he asked hoping to lighten the mood. Fraser looked like he was struggling both physically and emotionally.

Fraser picked at the gauze covering his eyebrow. “I’m sorry that your home was damaged. And your grandmother’s vases-”

Welsh quickly dismissed Fraser’s apology. “I’m just thankful I got there in time, Constable.” He let out a sheepish grin. “Truth be told, I never really liked those vases anyway. My wife thought they would look good scattered everywhere. Women and their ideas.” Welsh pulled up the hard plastic chair and let out a long sigh. “How are you feeling?”

“I have a killer headache,” Fraser confessed. His fingers moved from picking at the gauze over his eye to the tape securing his IV. “And I’m worried about Ray. The doctor said he should be okay, but he’s been in surgery for a long time.”

Welsh gave up a small smile. “Doctor stopped me on my way in. Ray’s in recovery now.” He patted Fraser’s knee. “Give them an hour or so and they should be moving him in here with you.”

Fraser closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. He could finally relax knowing Ray was going to pull through. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Welsh sat back in his chair and watched as Fraser seemed to settle after hearing Ray would be okay. “This whole case is one big disaster.”

Fraser nodded but didn’t say anything.

“While you were being looked at, we did some more digging. As I’m sure you’ve already pieced together, Jimmy Akers was a twin. And-” Welsh hesitated, averted his eyes for a moment. “Apparently Constable Turnbull had some kind of grudge against you.”

“Excuse me?” Fraser couldn’t be hearing this right. “ _Turnbull_ was involved in all of this?” He stared at Lieutenant Welsh, frankly horrified. It couldn’t be Turnbull. He was having some kind of paranoid break again. He knew he shouldn’t have taken that pain pill.

“Shocked the hell out of me as well. His prints were on the water filter under your sink.” Welsh’s voice was weary. “It’s always the quiet ones.”

There was no way, Fraser realized, that this was a delusion because even at his worst, he had never had cause to suspect Turnbull of anything. “What did I ever do to Turnbull?” he asked, his voice brittle with disbelief.

“From what we have gathered, he was jealous of you. He was tired of being overlooked at the Consulate by Inspector Thatcher. He felt with you being incompetent and out of the picture, it would boost his career standing. He hatched the plan with Jimmy.” Welsh twirled his beefy fingers around one another. “What we don’t know yet is if he knew about the twin. He may have thought he was in the clear when he found out that he had died in that accident. We arrested him trying to cross the border into Canada.”

“God, what a mess.” Fraser leaned his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes. Turnbull hated him. All the years of working with the man, he never got that vibe from him. If anything, it always seemed that Turnbull admired him. “I guess he fooled us all. What about Stella?”

“We’ve spoken to Ms. Kowalski and as far as we can see, she had nothing to do with any of this. Turnbull confirmed that as well. He’s going away for a long time. And the lawyer that managed to get Akers out of jail, is the one who set it up to have Ray go undercover. I compared the number I found on a piece of paper at your apartment to the one in my files that called about needing an officer undercover and they match. We still haven’t figured out who the girl is yet, but we will.”

Fraser didn’t know what to say. He had considered Turnbull a friend.

Welsh went through the list of things in his head. “Detectives have also found several planted listening devices in your apartment. Everything you and Ray had said, Jimmy knew. We found equipment in the apartment he was renting that I’m sure was used to record everything. And-” Welsh held up a bagged item that Jimmy had used to stab Fraser. “Does this belong to you?” Welsh turned the object in his hands before handing it over to Fraser. “It looks like it has your father’s name engraved on it.”  

Fraser recalled the argument he and Ray had when Ray told him he couldn’t find the letter opener and he accused him of never putting anything back in its allocated place. “It’s been missing since we came home from our trip North.” Fraser let out a sad laugh. “I always accuse him of being a slob.”

Welsh cleared his throat. “There’s something else.”

“What is it?” Fraser asked with a nervous tremor.

“We got back the forensics on some items Ray found in your apartment.” Welsh looked away from Fraser’s blue eyes. “That sick son of a bitch,” he muttered under his breath. “I’m sorry, but we found Jimmy’s DNA on a pair of your boxers.”

Fraser went pale. “It wasn’t a dream,” he whispered. He closed his eyes as he felt the nausea rise. Jimmy _had_ done something to him. “I’m glad he’s dead.” He was mortified that Jimmy had done that to him while he was asleep. Horrified with himself that he had no control to stop it.

“I’m sorry.” Welsh looked towards the door. “Looks like you have another visitor.” Welsh stood from the chair and motioned to the empty seat for Inspector Thatcher. “I’ll stop back in later and check on Ray.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Fraser grew quiet at the changing of the guards. The last time he had spoken to his superior, she had fired him for failing to show up for another drug test.

Thatcher slowly made her way into the room, unsure how her arrival would be taken. “Constable,” she began and stopped short. She smoothed out her jacket, laid her purse in the chair and sat down. “I’m sorry,” she began again. It took a few tries before she was able to lock eyes with Fraser. “I owe you an apology for the way I treated you and the situation you found yourself in.”

Fraser opened his mouth to speak, but Thatcher held up a hand to silence him.

“Please, let me finish. I know I should have done things differently. But the truth is, I was so floored by your behavior that I immediately flashed back to your past abuse of painkillers and used that against you.”

“You should have trusted me.”

“I know that. I let my prejudice get in the way of discovering the truth.” Thatcher smoothed out the wrinkles in her grey skirt. “This isn’t exactly the best place for this conversation. You need to concentrate on getting better. I’m already short staffed with the arrest of Turnbull.” Thatcher was uncomfortable and Fraser could sense it. “I’m sorry for what both he and that Akers guy have put both you and Ray through.”

Her apology sounded sincere. “Thank you, Sir.”

“I’ll be waiting for a report from your physician for when you can return to full duty at the Consulate.”

Fraser hesitated. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready to go back. “That could be some time.”

Thatcher stood up and gave Fraser a genuine smile. “I don’t expect you back tomorrow, Constable. I understand you will need some time.”

Maybe his boss wasn’t the heartless bitch everyone seemed to think she was after all. “Thank you. I’ll make sure I keep you informed.”

“That’s all I ask.” She gave his good arm a friendly squeeze. “Take care of yourself.” She motioned to the door. “Looks like you’re getting a roommate.”

Nurses were wheeling in a bed containing a completely groggy Ray. Thatcher slipped quietly out the door. The nurses hung up Ray’s IV lines beside the bed, attached his monitors to the stands behind his bed, made sure he was comfortable and left the room.

“Ray,” Fraser called quietly. He knew he should just let Ray rest and recover but after everything they had been through, he needed to touch him to feel that he was still alive. He wished his head wasn’t spinning so much, he would figure out how to maneuver his own IV lines, climb out of bed and take up residency in the plastic chair next to Ray’s bed.

“That chair isn’t that great,” Ray’s voice croaked and wavered. He managed to open his eyes and turned his head to face Fraser. He gave him a little grin before wincing in pain. “Told you it was just a flesh wound.”

“You were in surgery much longer than what a flesh wound would have required.”

Ray made a face. “Either way, I’m okay.” He stretched his hand out across the gap between their beds. Fraser reached his own hand out and locked their fingers together. “We’re both okay,” he whispered as he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

Fraser squeezed his partner’s hand and held it tight. “Unbreakable.”

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for 'Unbreakable'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8117776) by [mific](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mific/pseuds/mific)




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